"It's no time to be sweet—we are tender, flammable, so light, we are the orphaned ones of lovers."
-ARLENE KIM, FROM "REASONS WE LEFT" IN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR EARS TO MAKE US HEAR ECHOES
A week after I told James that I knew he and his ex-girlfriend already broke up, he started to become distant again. We had gotten closer after I offered him food and shared him my playlist, I started to notice when he began to slowly drift away from me again.
We were going home from a photo shoot one night when I decided to break the ice. "Something's up. What is it? Go ahead. Tell me."
James blinked at me like I spoke in a language he did not understand. "Nothing."
"You think I haven't noticed that you're keeping me at arms length?" I rolled my eyes at him, feeling impatient and annoyed. "So, shoot. Tell me what I did wrong. Or whatever it is that's bothering you. I can't work with you if you'd be like this one hundred percent of the time."
He drew a sharp intake of breath and looked at me with his tired, sad eyes. "You did not do anything wrong." James brought his left hand to rest on my arm, and I felt my chest jump. Maybe it was a hump on the road. "In fact, you're doing everything right. It scares me."
"That's so messed up. I don't understand anything."
"You're too kind, Nadine. That's the thing." He withdrew his hand and used it to draw invisible abstract lines in the air while he explained. "A kind person and a brokenhearted person meet. You know what could happen? A person who had just been recently hurt can mistake a genuine act of kindness into something else. Do you get my point? You're always there for me, and I appreciate it, but not too much, I guess? I'm at my most vulnerable point right now, and I do not want to ruin our friendship-"
I interrupted his eloquent speech with a throaty chuckle, which made him blink at me again, mouth agape. I could already guess that he was thinking I was borderline crazy. "I get you." I softly patted his shoulder with my right hand. "For the record na lang, ano? Yung closeness natin? Wala yung malice. In Tagalog, hindi kita nilalandi. Hindi mo ako nilalandi."
His face showed a mixture of confusion and surprise which made me laugh again. "You know what? You worry too much. Relax. I'm just here to help.
"And to tell you the truth, you're helping me, too." I closed my eyes and swallowed before making a quick decision of telling him about something I didn't want him to know in the first place. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but my boyfriend and I broke up just last month. Ever since I met you, I found a new best friend. I don't sulk around anymore; I don't cry myself to sleep because we're always on the phone. You're my best chance to keep my mind off him."
The poor boy continued to show a look of shock in his face with the revelation. "So, this," my index finger went to touch my chin then the tip of his nose, "is therapeutic. Don't you ever think that we're toxic together. Everything you're thinking about is so far-fetched, ha. Didn't know you were a worrier."
The stiff muscles on his cheeks loosened a bit and he flashed a smile. "So we're healing together?"
"Gosh, you make it sound like we're saving the planet. It's just sticking together through bad times." A laugh finally escaped from James' throat, and he extended his arms to offer me a hug.
I went into his arms and let my head rest on his chest. "Besides, I'm nowhere near your type. What makes you think you'll like me in that way?"
We pull apart from each other and he pulled a straight face. "Do you know Richard Siken?" I shook my head. "He's a poet. I love him. One time, I came across a line that I never forgot because it was too beautiful. It said, 'Here is the cake, and here is the fork, and here's the desire to put it inside us, and then the question behind every question: What happens next?'" After his vague reply, he closed his eyes, leaned against the car window and slept.
That sounded like a threat. A warning? His tone didn't show any hint of playfulness, but he could still be joking. I hated how he didn't answer my question, but I smiled quietly at how I felt tingles in my spine from the excitement I felt.
James is like a big onion slowly unraveling, layer by layer. There was still a lot to find out about him, and the thrill I get from all the mysterious vibes he's giving me made my smile even wider.
"Whathappens next?" indeed.
-A/N: hi luv u all hahahaha
kayo guys? what do u think? what did james mean? ang may pinakamagandang sagot magkakaroon ng magical lovelife at hard copy ng Fragments at Elephant in the Room, tapos kiss sa nose. Charot lang hahaha
thank you so much for the support mwa
xx,
V
P.S. i luv Richard Siken anyone here who has his book peram naman bigay ko address ko choz
