"No, Stark. We don't have a bathroom. There's a corner we shit in with a little bucket and some toilet paper, but no, no bathroom."
"That's highly unsanitary; you should get that fixed," he offhandedly repartees, not even awaiting for me to invite him in as he rudely slides through the gap between my body and the wooden doorway, sauntering into the apartment as if he owns the place.
Pushing through the sarcasm that veils my perplexity, I not so kindly slam the door in mild frustration – with a pinch of happiness – and ask one word. "How?"
"Call a contractor or something," he gestures about with one hand, other hand casually rested in his finely ironed pocket. "I know a few good contractors and builders who can have a bathroom built in within the week. Hey Sparky, how's the daddy issues? Still trying to convert you to the dark side?" Tony's free hand comes to rest on Sam's shoulder, whilst Sam's mouth seems to resemble one of the clowns you would find at the carnival where you try to toss a hacky sack or ball into its mouth in order to win a prize.
"I – uh –Doom – he – what?" Sam barely wheezes out, eyes skimming between Stark and I, pleading to me 'Lillyhe'syourbillionairefixthisalreadybecauseI'msofreakingcluelesswhaattttt'.
My eyes roll. "I wasn't talking about—ˮ
"Who are you?" Stark intervenes yet again, brows in a tangled knot as he points expectantly at Adelaide. Adelaide seems to be unable to register the bewildering situation, her mouth prominently ajar and blankly blinking at the philanthropic super hero occupying out lounge room.
"Tony—"
"Ah wait, you're Adelaide Nightshade right? One of my employee's distant cousin's uncle's friend's mother in law twice removed is one of your patients. Rick or Randy or Roland or something," the Tin-can man babbles on, relieved with the answer for only a moment before curiously turning back to Addie and inquiring "You're nineteen aren't you? Did Shady get impregnated by Spangles and have you on Asgard but Asgardian years just so happen to pass quicker than earth years? Wait no, Ralph or whatever his name is mentioned you had an older sister. Sister?" And he spins back to me. "I thought you said mummy dearest passed in childbirth? I know you're an assassin Shady but lying to me—"
"STARK!"
There's a pause.
"I do still need to use the bathroom."
"For Christ's sake!" I exasperate, throwing my hands up in defeat. "Down the hall, second door on the left. Try not to clog the plumbing while you're in there, you did last time."
"Last time?" Sam and Addie incredulously repeat in unison, garnering a dust off from me paired with a simple reply of "In Alabama with Ally."
"No promises. Be right back. Try not to miss me too much," Tony power walks off, his pristine, aristocratically clothed back disappearing down the short hall.
When a heavy silence descends upon the room, only momentarily interrupted by the echoing sound of the bathroom door clicking shut, my thoughts eventually manage to gather themselves and process the impossible situation.
Tony Stark is in my bathroom. And he remembers me.
******
"Wait, so how is she alive?"
YOU ARE READING
Played by the Enemy || Captain America || Book 2
Fanfiction"My hands are stained with dirt. And they always will be." ~ Lillian Nightshade; assassin, Captain America's girlfriend, and number one magnet for bullsh*t and bad luck. For her entire life, she's been told what to, who to kill, who she is, and what...
