Growing Pains

Spark of Love Among a Sea of Hate

An Asian woman of late 40s nervously walks out of her car as she had her eyes on the white door of the house she was about to visit. When she reached the door, a thought popped in her head. Would she be able to take the news? She would have to find out if she could just have the courage to ring the doorbell.

"You know, if you're planning to have a staring contest with the doorbell, I think you're going to lose." The door spoke. The woman shook her head in exasperation at her younger sister's strange humor. The door opened to reveal a younger, cheerful, and pretty woman. She hugged the older woman, who slowly responded to, since she was never really a woman of affection.

The younger woman spoke, "It's been fifteen years since we've seen each other, Courtney. So, something must be up. What is it? Are you not well?" She shook her head. Her face was mixed with a lot of emotions. "Gail..."

Realizing it wasn't something so easy to say, the woman quietly led her sister in the house. A girl was chasing a little boy while holding a healthy baby in her arms. The mother of the three plucked the infant from her daughter and scolded, "Quit it! What did I tell you about running while holding Emma? You're going to drop her at one point. Now say hello to your Aunt Courtney."

The little boy launched himself on his aunt's leg, crying out, "Auntie!" She chuckled as she strained to pull the child off of her leg. Courtney was never a child's person. She was better off as a party animal and alone. Gail held her baby in a new position and led her sister to a couch. Wanting to be left alone, she instructed her children, "Go play outside in the backyard. Be nice to each other. Your auntie and I have to talk about something important."

Once they scurried out, giggling, the young mother paid all of her attention to her fidgeting older sister. "You might as well tell me now than later, Courtney. We promised to not keep things from each other."

Sighing, the woman looked at her younger sister cooing at her younger daughter. A pang of pain struck her heart at the scene. She carefully asked, "Gail, when was the last time you talked to Mom?"

"After I graduated. That's when Grant and I got married. You know I cut off ties with her when she refused to give us her blessing. Why? Did something happen to that woman?"

Courtney bit her lip till it bled. She knew her younger sister was very emotional and delicate at some subjects. But she also knew that the woman and their mother were incompatible. Perhaps, she has matured, the older woman convinced herself.

"Gail...you were always the smarter girl. But yes, you're right. She's...well, you remember after your eleventh birthday, Grandpa..."

"Don't sugar-coat it." Gail's beautiful chocolate eyes hardened and hurt flashed in her eyes as she remembered the past. "She passed away, didn't she? When?"

"Three days ago."

"I see."

Silence. Courtney peered at her sister to see any reaction. Just like how the young woman reacted on their grandpa's funeral, her eyes remained dry. But she knew better. The waterworks would come, after all, Gail just gave birth to her baby. She was an emotional person.

"Were you with her?" Gail inquired as she breathed in the baby's baby powder scent. Courtney nodded. "She talked about you. About how you were doing, how she saw your work on the Internet, and that she was proud of you for making your own decisions, even though she wanted to make them for you."

"I see. Did she die a free, happy woman?"

"She did. Said she would apologize to Dad when she joined him, even though she's been so disconnected with God since Grandpa's death. Wanted to apologize for being so overbearing and controlling."

"That woman...changes how she acts till the very end."

"She told me she wanted to see your children, since you refused to let them meet her."

"With good reason too. I didn't want them to be influenced by that woman."

Courtney felt pain in her heart. Gail was such a loving and forgiving person, with some childish attitudes. She never changed, and that was not very good, because she carried a strong dislike towards their mother. She was too stubborn to forgive and move on. The older woman had no choice. She pulled out a letter she was asked to deliver and laid it in the young mother's lap.

Gail looked up in curiosity as her baby gurgled in her sleep. Courtney smiled bitterly, "Read it. Her last words to you."

"Goodbye, Courtney."

Courtney took that as her leave and gratefully left. If her words could not reach her younger sister, then maybe the letter just might. Now she had to deal with her uncle with the news...

Gail put her baby back into the crib and locked herself in her room. She gingerly tore the envelope open and slowly unfolded the letter. It read:

My Child,

I know we haven't talked in a long time. But I needed to write this down, or else, we can never get a chance to get closure. I never was the mother you wanted. And you were probably right. I wanted to make you and your sister into objects worthy of praise and attention.

You always were the one who refused to listen to me. I didn't like that. Your older sister did what I asked, and that may have caused her to lose some of her trust in me. But she continued to come to me. You were so much like your father, so stubborn, so angry, and yet, so smart.

Yes, I did not tolerate some of your actions, so did you. But, I have to admit, I compared you to other people, called you demeaning names, and ridiculed your face when you were a hormonal, aggressive teenager. It was harsh. But I only wanted something I could be proud of, since even though I had everything, happiness was the one thing that refused me.

I want you to know that although I seemed unloving, it is quite the opposite. You are my daughter. The last one. I loved you so much. I knew you had so much potential within you. That's why I pushed you too hard. But I know, I went too far, wanting you to become a doctor and marrying a man I once thought would be suitable for you. No wonder you left. And I regretted forcing my own daughter to leave my sight and never hear a word from her again.

However, I kept up with your life. I look online to see your work. And you look so happy, with your three beautiful children and your smart, handsome husband. I didn't get what I wanted for you, but seeing your face all lit up makes it enough for me.

I'm not trying to ask for forgiveness. I only wanted to tell you how I felt for you before I go, since, well there's no use in sugar-coating it, we would never speak ever, for real this time. I just wanted you to see things in my view. The view that you never really understood or knew. I wished we could have reconciled so I could hold you once more, my baby. But when you read this, I am sure you can feel as if I am holding you once more, with these words.

I love you so much. You were my pride and joy, along with your sister. And I speak for your father as well. We're both so proud of you two, and we love you with all our hearts

Love,
Mommy

Grant finally came home, seeing that his lovely wife had taken care of their children, since they were in bed, sleeping together. In high spirits, he was hoping to be glomped by Gail as he opened the door, hollering, "Sweetie! I'm-"

His wife was away from him, her body facing the other direction in bed. Worried that she was suffering from postpartum depression once more, he rushed to her side and turned her over gently. Her body was shuddering and her youthful face was streaked with tears full of anguish, pain, anger, and love. Grant took the letter out of her hand and read it as he cradled Gail. He didn't mind the fact that his suit was being tainted by his wife's tears, he understood.

Even though she tried so hard to bring herself to hate her mother, in some way inside her kind heart, she held onto a small love for the woman who raised her to be the woman she is today.  He hoped that his wife would still hold onto that love for her mother.  That she would teach their children that love endures the most troubling situations.