venting

FML

**MASSIVE TRIGER WARNING**

So a couple of days ago may 28, one of my best friends cut for the first time. She was texting me during the night, at around 12ish, and I fell asleep talking to her. The lasting thing she said before I fell asleep was God.

I replied with what.

I'm just going to write what happened because it's to hard to explain the way I was trying to do it. The text on the left is her, the right is me.

God.

What

11:06 pm

Its like nobody understands
but I know you do
I know MiKayla
does its just at this
time I don't know
what to think I
don't know what
to feel I'm so
overwhelmed I'm
so stressed
everything
is too much

Look I know
when you read
these messages
you'll be instantly
worried but don't
be I'll be fine and
I'll take care of it
myself I love you
get some rest good
night

11:23 pm

Angel my heart
hurts really
bad and I can't
breathe. I don't
know what to
think or feel
please help.

Then I woke up at like 12:10 pm and saw all the messages. Then I called her...she was on the phone crying. This was the first time I heard her cry...she was telling me all these things like her heart hurts and she couldn't breathe.

She didn't know it but she was having a panic attack. Remember when I told you she said God, then I fell asleep after asking her what was wrong? That's what she said. If I hadn't have fallen asleep then I could have helped her sooner...I could have kept her from cutting. I could have kept her from want ing to kill herself. Thats what she said.

She said that all she was thinking was she had to stop the pain...that she had to kill herself...
She had to... I could have prevented it if I hadn't have fallen asleep. If I hadn't fallen asleep. I can never forgive myself for this. Ever.

It was to much. She is fine now. After I called her and made sure she was okay and talking to her and stuff we got off the phone after she calmed down. I didn't sleep anymore that night. I don't think I'll ever sleep again to be honest.

Always in fear that she is going to call or text me and tell me that she is going to kill herself. And then she does...and I didn't help because I was sleeping...life really sucks right now.