Tempted (#Wattys2015)

Tempted:32:

"Oh." I mumbled, sitting back down on my bed and picked up the book I had been reading, curling myself up again.

"What are you reading?" He asked, sitting down next to me.

"A book."

"Bella, come on-"

"Don't tell me to come on," I snapped, shutting the book again and felt my eyes narrow as they met his. "You've barely talked to me for a week, you've been over once, and then when you're gone you don't return my calls. I get that you're upset right now - I get it, but that doesn't mean I just get tossed to the back burner and come back into your life whenever you feel like it."

"I know that Bella..."

"Obviously not. How am I supposed to know that your home and ok? As much as I wish we did, we don't have a normal relationship Justin - we won't. Manny could be anywhere and you're just wandering around like it doesn't even matter. How am I supposed to know that you're ok when it takes you hours to answer? I'm not trying to be clingy, I'm just scared, and I know you're the same way, but telling me you'll be ok or you're fine is nothing in a situation like this. You're not fine, and I'm not just going to sit here and pretend that everything is."

"I didn't say you had to."

"Great." I picked up the book a second time, but he snatched it up, holding it away from me as I reached out to get it again.

"I am trying here, ok? It's been one shitty thing after another and the last thing I need is to be scolded at by you or you angry with me because of something petty. It might not seem petty to you, but right now it is. I'm more worried about my mother's life right now than mine - and yours too obviously, but I have that under control. I'm not the only one looking out for you."

"It doesn't even feel like you are! That's my point. I know you love your mom, but you were only with her today. Where have you been all those other nights? What were you possibly doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing? Drugs again? Going out to parties like I used to?"

"I don't know, that's why I asked."

"This is honestly the last fucking thing I need."

He went to stand up, but I caught his arm, pulling him back and felt his muscles tense underneath me, his jaw clenched while he stared at me again.

"I'm just worried about you. You're not talking to me...you're supposed to be able to tell me anything...and you're not. I know if there was something wrong with me you'd be here 24/7 doing what you could, keeping me company and trying to talk to me...so why is it different in this instance? Why won't you talk to me?"

"I don't know." He sighed, relaxing under my touch. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do with any of this Bell. I'm feeling so many things all at the same time I just...I don't know."

"But that's the whole reason I'm here. You can't bottle it up again. You can't. You know what shutting people out does."

"It's what I'm good at."

"There are so many other things...staying angry for the rest of your life is just going to leave you miserable. I'm not letting that happen. You deserve to be happy Justin."

"I am happy."

"Are you? Are you really happy?"

He stood up again, but now he took off his jacket - and his shoes while I scooted over, knowing by now that this meant he was staying, that maybe now he would talk to me...

"You make me happy. I know I haven't been giving you the attention you deserve, and I'm sorry. It's a lot to take in and I guess mentally I'm trying to sort through it, and when I've tried to talk I don't know what to say...I thought things were finally turning around, that maybe you and I could have a normal relationship...but that doesn't seem to be the case."

"Hey, different isn't so bad." I smiled at him, taking his hand from his side. "I mean we're already different people. I'm a quiet musician that likes to stay home and read books, and you're a badass that loves to party, but has a soft sweet side no one gets to see that often. I love that side of you."

"Yeah, well I love that you don't want to party all the time, and instead your satisfied by playing a story in your head...I wish I liked to read."

"You have to find the right books." I giggled, leaning closer and took it back from his hand, swiftly kissing his cheek. "But reading has been my escape since I was a little girl - that and music."

"And drugs were mine."

"Were...they're gone, and it was only weed."

"It would have gotten worse."

"But it didn't."

"Yeah, it didn't."

"Next weekend we're going to go to New York, you, me, Jackie, and Mike, and you're going to have fun. We'll have lots of fun."

"Yeah. I'm really excited for that."

"Good." I put my arms around him, holding onto his torso and pecked his cheek again, nestling my face into his neck. "I am too. I've been saving up with my allowance. I practically cleaned the whole house today."

"Well I'm taking you shopping while we're there. Not including your birthday."

"Justin, you've already bought me clothes. You don't need to do it again."

"No, I'm taking you shopping. I've already made up my mind. I want to."

"Justin-"

"Are you honestly arguing with me about going shopping?"

"I just hate you spending money on me."

"Well I love it." He kissed my forehead, wrapping his arms around me like I had done to him.

"How's your Mom?"

"Not too good."

"I'm sorry...why?"

"Just the treatments and stuff. It's not necessarily making her sick, she's just really tired a lot. I told her I'd be over to check on her again tonight."

"That's sweet of you."

"She can't be home in the house by herself all the time. It's not safe."

"Well you're checking up on her, and your dad is too."

"Yeah, I know...there just has to be something else."

"It'll work out. I reall think it will."

"Yeah." He swallowed, kissing the top of my head again.

Justin...

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