Domain of Power-The Dreamer (Book 3)

Chapter 23: The Breakdown

"Well I have been pinching my wrists for weeks. I just was good at hiding it. This is the first time I actually cut them," I said, propping my hands on my knees.

"I still cannot understand why you need to feel pain to know this is reality," Apollus said shaking his head. He would never get it. But then again how could I expect him too?

"In my dreams I wanted a stronger sensation then just a pinch to know I was awake," I said, as I showcased my bandaged arm, with the bandages extending almost to my elbow. "It is becoming harder to tell if I awoke from the dream because it feels too real at times. In my dreams it usually ends all the same; that I am about to be stabbed or killed. So I thought this morning that when I awoke from Titus trying to kill me, I thought I was waking up to another dream so... I cut myself. I felt numb at first to the pain so I continued but now I feel the physical pain more than ever. I hate what I have become, and I hate living like this. I cannot live like this anymore Apollus." I looked into Apollus' eyes. Usually they radiated confidence or arrogance or both but I never seen him look so scared. He was more scared than I was.

"The dreams are not real Troy. You have to get that through your head," he said in a slow deliberate voice, as if I was hard of hearing.

"I am trying so hard... but they feel so real until I...die," I choked. I cleared my throat. "That is why I bought this," I said pointing to the gourd shaped bottle on the nightstand.

"Where did you get that?" Apollus exclaimed. He took a deep breath to absorb what I was about to say next.

"I bought it from this shopkeeper who dropped me off home yesterday. I am hesitant to take it but I am afraid I am running out of choices. I need help. I just feel so lost without him," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

"I know how you feel," he said, placing a warm hand on my shoulder. Usually I was not convinced of the truthfulness of his words. But I believed him now. I felt it. "I think we are all in shock and denial at what just happened. I miss him too." He pursed his lips together before forcing himself to continue. "I suppose his death triggered this incident," he said pointing to my bandaged wrists. "You can take the sleeping medicine if you need it but be careful, please. I do not want to lose you Troy," Apollus said, gazing at me with fervent eyes. As Apollus reached for my hand I pulled away in pain. I gritted my teeth as the pain shot through my arm like how I imagined lightening would travel.

"I am sorry," he said ruefully. "I should have known your limbs are still very tender," he muttered.

I mumbled under my breath as the pain flared up once more.

"I promise we will get through this as a family. Funeral arrangements are already in the works. If you need anything...anything please let me know. Just please do not kill yourself just to test if you are living," Apollus said sternly. He got up from his seat and crossed the room—

"Is this the first real conversation we had," I blurted aloud. "Or maybe we had one before my mind blotted it out," I said softly. Startled, Apollus gazed back at me with a smile, "No I suppose you are right. I hope this is not the last."

As the days slowly trudged by, a permanent dark cloud seemed to hang overhead on the palace. The only light seemed to be the thin veils of sunlight that escaped through the clouds above the sun roof in the atrium. As I would visit his old bed chamber, I would take a whiff of the frankincense and sweet incense that masked the old smells of death. My eyes follow the beautiful frescos of Greek mythology that graced the walls from floor to ceiling. The moving vivacious figures celebrated life, but now death possessed this old space. Everything seemed to move in quick succession as his body was prepared by the embalmers for the wake that would last all week at our home.