Kisses and Other Necessities

《 kisses and hot springs 》

"I don't expect anything of her," Sean said. "On the contrary, I'm glad she's not moping around. I mean, yes, it pisses me off when she says she's seeing other people, but I'm glad for her sake. I feel like I've really come a long way since high school."

"What?" Linda realized her voice shot up a little too much. "Does that mean you're giving up on her?"

"I didn't say that," Sean said.

"You can't give up on her." Linda felt like one of those fans when their favorite onscreen couple broke up. It was none of her business, but the hurt was legit. She was sad when they split in high school, especially when she saw how heartbroken her brother was, but now she thought she was allowed to hope again, and the only way to make all that heartbreak worth it was for the two of them to have a happy ending.

He looked out the window for a while, where clouds were dragging across the sky, leaving bits and pieces behind like breadcrumbs. "Look, I'm in an awkward position here," he said finally. "I'm waiting for her, but I can't ask her to do the same for me. Flora isn't someone who can be bound by promises. She thinks she can, and she'd probably say yes if I told her I wanted to get back together now, but I already know how it's all going to play out."

"You don't know until you try."

"I do. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I understand us both a lot better now. I can't give her a hundred percent right now because I want to focus on school and my so-called business. It's just starting up and I know I can do this. I want to. I can't be the kind of guy who half-asses everything else for a girl because that's not romantic...that's just stupid and irresponsible."

Linda nodded. She waited for him to go on.

"And Flora...Flora's probably going to give me a hundred percent and do something crazy like giving up Tokyo. She'll hate me for not spending enough time on her and hate herself for not being understanding enough. We'll fight a lot and the distance will make it worse. She's high maintenance and I don't mean it in a bad way...it makes me feel needed...but I can't give her the attention she deserves. What I can offer her is patience and loyalty, so I'll give her that."

"I'm worried for you. Here you are giving so much thought to this, but Flora probably just thinks you don't care that much about her anymore. You can at least tell her how you feel."

"I have a plan, sis. I'm not just sitting here stalling because I'm scared to tell her how I feel. I'm not scared of that at all. What I'm scared of is blurting out my feelings and disappointing her later on."

But wasn't not saying anything a disappointment in itself? Linda thought Sean and Flora were a series of small sparks that sizzled and fell flat. They had their moments, but once they were back to their respective schools, it was like the flames were put out, their memories wiped clean, and everything had to start again from scratch. Her heart couldn't take this.

"I believe in delayed gratification, which is why I need to get this company on track, graduate, and then I can probably move to New York if that's where she wants to be," he said. "I'll only make a move when I'm well prepared, just like any investment...you weigh your chances and and make an offer at the best time because you've only got one shot."

He paused, then he said, "I only have one shot with Flora. We're not in high school anymore. I can't make the same mistake again."

"I hope she's still there when you graduate. Have you ever thought that if you wait for too long, she might've moved on already?"

"Of course. All the time." He nodded. "But that's a risk I'm willing to take. And you know what? If she really finds some senpai that makes her happy...more than I can...then as much as it hurts, I'll be happy for her."