Day and Night

Ch. 15 Since U Been Gone

"How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But Since U Been Gone
I can breathe for the first time"

                                               -Kelly Clarkson *Since U Been Gone*

Chapter 15

When I wake up the next morning I immediately just want to go back to sleep. My eyes ache from the tears shed the night before and my head pounds painfully. None of that can compare to how torn up I feel inside.

Dace kissed me. This is the only thing I’m completely positive about right now. That and that I never ever expected something like that to happen. Dace is my best friend, he isn’t supposed to like me any more than that and he certainly isn’t supposed to kiss me. Does this even mean that he likes me? Maybe he was more drunk than I thought he was. That could explain it, I guess. People always do stupid things they don’t mean when they’re wasted. This explanation would make things so much simpler, but If I’m being honest I’m not sure it’s the one I want.

Is it possible I like Dace more than just as a friend? It makes me sick with guilt just considering it, but I think it’s about time I was honest with myself. Things with me and Dace have been so good lately. And things with me and Wesley have not. I definitely feel a lot closer to Dace now than I ever did, but am I willing to give up everything I have with Wesley? Do I even have anything left with Wesley?

I don’t know. There are so many things that I don’t know right now and it’s killing me. I’ve always wanted Dace to be happy, but I never once considered that it could include me. And maybe it doesn’t and I’m reading into a drunken kiss that meant nothing. No matter whether Wesley loves me or not, whether the kiss meant anything or not, I know that if he found out he would flip. He would hate me for sure if he knew how much I actually enjoyed the kiss and how long it took me to push Dace away. Just thinking about what he would say makes me want to shrivel up and die. Because I love him. No matter what is going on I still love Wesley. I just don’t know if he loves me.

I’m driving myself thinking about all this when I don’t even know what Dace is thinking. I need to talk to him if I want to get the jumbled thoughts in my head straightened out. Just thinking about it fills me with nervous butterflies. I’m equally dreading as much as anticipating this conversation and I know that it’s better to do it sooner rather than later if I want to keep my sanity.

So, I climb out of my bed and get dressed before heading to Dace’s room. I knock on the door and then open it after getting no response. He isn’t there, of course, and so I decide to see if he is downstairs.

I find both Mads and Dace in the kitchen talking about him not coming home the night before. It’s obvious Mads is pretty furious at him, but he looks calm and calculating, like he can already see his way out of the situation.

“Where were you?” she demands angrily.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to make you worry,” he starts and she motions for him to get on to the explanation. “A friend drove me down town a ways earlier yesterday to hang out with some people and he ended up leaving without me. I had to find another ride home and I wasn’t able to get back until later.”

“Why didn’t you call? I would have come to get you!”

“My phone was dead,” he replies simply and leans back against the counter.

“You could have used someone else’s,” she points out.

“You’re right. I should have, but I figured you were already asleep and I didn’t want to wake you up. If I knew you were up worrying I would have,” he tells her. Mads is losing her anger and he can tell.