a/n: to david who made me write this one shot for him. (T ^ T)
[please listen to tYoon Mi Rae's Always while reading this ^^]
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"Wonwoo-yah!! Wonwoo! Wonwoooooo~" I was brought back to the reality from my deep thoughts when Seungcheol hyung called me. "What's with you? What are you thinking huh? Is it still about what happen between you and her?" I sigh.
"She haven't called since I left her at the park, I'm so worried ugh," I said while pulling my hair. I don't know what's happening on her right now. Mingyu should have just called Seokmin yesterday on cooking his new meal.
"Hyung, I don't know anything about girls but try to go to her house, you'll never know. Maybe she was just tired and stressed from school yesterday." Vernon said.
"Don't know anything from girls? But you rap as if you know everything about them," Jeonghan hyung said.
"Yah hyung!" I immediately left the building while they are still bullying Vernon. Maybe he is right... I might agree to him for a while.
As I reached her house, I saw that it looks like nobody's home but insisted to go inside.
"hey uhmm I'm coming in..." I shouted that echo inside her house. Looks like her parents are still not home from their work.
I roam around the house calling and looking for her til I decide to go to her room. As I enter the room, I didn't see anything but just heared sobs from her bathroom and I know immediately what's happening.
"YAH!! NO!!"
"Ahhh! Fuck..."
I immediately hug her and didn't let her go even how much she push me away.
"No, Wonwoo... I don't deserve this. I'm tired. So tired of breathing. Tired of living. Tired of hurting...."
"Shhh please. I told you stop cutting, you deserve better. Stop hurting yourself, please," I keep hugging her tight on my arms while stroking her hair. Seeing her like this hurts my part too.
"I'm tired being tired. I want to rest, forever."
My tears fall as I hear her say those words. How come people around her can resist hurting someone? People should stop being so oblivious. They should know how to notice when they are already hurting an innocent person.
"Why does loving someone can hurt this bad? Why did I even thought that he likes me back? Why did I even listened to their teases? How come they are able to play with someone's feelings? How come they are able to use me like a toy? I'm so tired crying on nothing. I'm so tired crying at night when everybody's asleep and nobody's there to comfort me. I just want to be loved the way I love other people. Is that too much?" She look straight at me with her teary eyes and smudged makeup she uses to look more pretty to please people... but she is already, just the way she look.
I know no words is enough to make her feel better so I just wipe her tears and hold her bleeding wrist and gently wipe off the blood with the towel beside me making sure I won't hurt her that much.
"I know the wounds in your heart won't be healed even how many times I tell you everything is going to be okay... I know myself it's not going to be like that. But please, listen to me, stop hurting yourself," I look at her and catch her sad eyes looking back at me but I just keep wiping the blood off and then tie the towel on her arm to stop the bleeding. "I've been watching you do this for years already and I keep comforting you and reminding you that I'm always here. Why won't you listen to me?!" I accidentaly shout at her. I saw how her eyes shake and how she trembles. This is the first time I shouted at her and I know she is really scared. "I'm... sorry. I didn't mean to."
"No, don't. I should be the one saying sorry. For all this years, I've been being a burden to you already. Even though you always comfort me, I don't even listen to you. I'm sorry, sorry. Sorry," she sobs and I immediately hug her. I'm so fucking frustrated from all this shits.
"I love you..." I whisper. This is such an unromantic way of conffesing but this is too much. When I knew she liked someone else AGAIN and she said he ALSO liked her back, I almost died. I cried, yeah, gay af but I did. Boys don't cry, but real man does.
"What?" She look at me with her big eyes. "Don't you fucking say those words in this time when I'm looking for someone who really loves me. Stop playing with me! The fuck is wrong with you, Jeon Wonwoo! I'm so tired! Tired on hearing lies! Stop! Stop it!"
She punch me with her left fist that isn't wounded. She keeps punching and pushing me away while she cries, and I'm just there staring at her, crying and holding her wounded hand for support. I just shut my mouth for not to add more bad feelings.
"What the fuck, Wonwoo..." then she stop but still looking at me. I carress her cheeks and stare back.
"You are a girl who always smile on pretty things and laugh at small jokes people make. You are also such a moody girl," I smile. "You can be sometimes crazy or a serious type. You will do anything for a friend and do any favor to someone who needs your helping hand. You are the type of daughter who will always wants to please your parents. You work your ass off to have high grades but ended up still not noticing you by your parents," I sighed. "You always comfort people and give advices to them when they are broken and let them cry on your shoulder. But you know what? All this time, I was just watching you from afar and look at you seriously, because I know, you're not okay. You're not happy. You feel alone. Those people you helped? Do you think they will do the same in this kind of situation? NO! Look at you. I'm the only person here oozing the pain you are having. I'm glad I met you. You are not a burden to me. I'm happy I'm the only person you can openly say your problems. All this time, I was hiding my feelings to you because I'm afraid. Afraid that you wont tell your different stories ever again. I was scared. But please, I want you to know that I love you," I was crying the whole time and also her. She bit her lips and look down. I kissed her forehead and her cheeks. I know those are her first and I'm happy with it.
"I don't want to hurt myself more. I pushed away the feelings I'm feeling for you. I'm scared you will walk away. I don't want to lose someone that I love anymore," I hold her tightly as if I'm holding a diamond in my hands. "I don't know if this is really love but please don't leave me. Don't..."
I didn't say a word but I just put her arms around my neck and carried her out of the tub and placed her on my lap. I get another towel to put around her to dry her cold body. Gladly she have many stocked towels in her bathroom so I can dry every part of her. She just stare at me and I just smile the whole time.
"What's with the smile, Jeon Wonwoo?" She said with her irritated voice.
"I'll wait, okay? As long as I know that you like me back, it's fine. Take your time to learn to love me, I will wait for the right time... but for not too long, okay? You know that I'm an impatient man," I said and she chuckles. My heart skipped and I looked at her and she was smiling at me with her beautiful eyes.
"So you're a man? Since when? You're making me laugh. Stop lying, you're not a man," she just keeps laughing. Even though she didn't say anything about me waiting for her, seeing her laugh is already a good response to me. She's back now to the person who hides her world of pain and hurt.
One day, I'll make her feel anything but happiness and make her my princess.
