Panic
It engulfs me whenever I come face to face with my fears that I hide from. It sets my heart rate on overdrive. I am filled with unwanted and useless thoughts of mistakes that haven't been made yet and words I might say that will be spat back in my face.
Confusion
I am startled with non-stop questions and shouting of my disappointment about not being able to handle myself when facing my dilemma.
Stress
It consumes me when I'm not able to deal with the situation, I over think the chances I've lost.
I am overworked, scared, tired all in one second.
I haven't begun anything as yet but I'm already exhausted.
Hesitation
I hesitate; stopping myself from saying or doing anything just because I believe what ever I'm about to say or do will reflect badly on me or I will cause unnecessary problems.
Fear
I fear everything. My today, my tomorrow. My future.
Hiding somewhere safe because I'm afraid of my own shadow.
Seeking comfort in the lowest of things.
Afraid to face my fears. I feel like a coward.
Stutter
I stutter and stammer as I talk. I am unable to speak straight because I'm afraid out of my mind.
I don't know how to be calm, so I speak in such a rush, it all comes out wrong.
When will I not slur on my words or mess up my lines? It seems like never.
Blackness
I faint; black spots first engulf me before I am completely surrounded by it.
Its an intense and overwhelming feeling that shatters all source of control; I lose my balance.
Its as if the thickest cloth in the world has fallen over me and I'm trapped.
My Anxiety;
You define me when I should be the one defining you.
You hinder me from possibilities I should have already made possible.
I tackle me in ways that leave me speechless.
You have a hold on me that roots me to the ground; going under it, as I am afraid of the light that shines from afar.
I wish to walk into that light but you keep me hidden. I wish to be set free but you keep me captive.
Imprisoned by my own dilemma.
My Escape;
When you dare to keep me hidden, I must seek myself.
When you root me to the ground, I must cut off your control.
When you leave me speechless, I must find my voice again.
When you knock me down, I must get right back up.
When you leave me flustered, I must regain back my composure.
And when you try to take me back into the Darkness, I shall find the Light!
In all honesty, its about the faith that you have in yourself and the support you need to overcome the anxiety that you suffer from. Its not easy, believe me, I know. You have to make up your mind to want to change for the better. You must be determined. Believe that God will show you a way. Don't lose hope, ever. Its a sign of weakness, and that should be the last thing on your mind.
Don't let Anxiety control you. Break-free!
Blossom in the light and remove your fears that lurk in the darkness :)
This is Dedicated to all those people out there who suffer from anxiety.
You are not alone and and you shouldn't ever feel that way.
We will all overcome it, together.
~FarissaRose~
