Alone - Jacksepticeye x reader

Part 1

Even though I lived with Clarisse, I still got lonely sometimes. I'm sure everyone does. Her 12-hour night shifts were the worse. I used to crawl up into a ball in the corner blasting really loud music until one day; I couldn't stay in the house anymore. I had to breathe some fresh air. I thought maybe it would help. I didn't live in the best part of Ireland, sure it was nice but half was rural and half was not. I lived just outside the main city which was not rough but wasn't perfect. It was isolated just the right amount forcrime really. Of course I heard things and Clarisse got mugged once but that was when we first moved here. That was 5 years ago.

So after a night of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to go for a walk. A breath of fresh air to renew my view on things. I wrapped myself up warm and headed out the door. It was still cold though, really cold. I didn't turn back though; I just had to get out of the house. Eventually I found myself by a field, walking on an old dilapidated road. It had masses of potholes, which had been filled multiple times, but it was clear the gaps always returned. They reminded me of myself. No matter how many times someone tried to fix me, it was always temporary. There were no streetlamps here so it was pretty dark. I couldn't even see my own hand in front of my face. The whole place was so eerie. On my left was a field that was saturated of water that looked like the only care it got was from the poor horses inside of it. On my right was a raised bank where the train line was that went straight into the heart of the city. The road that I was on carried straight towards the well-lit main road and before that was a turning to the left that went towards a large housing estate.

As I debated whether or not to return home or keep walking, I spotted a man on the left road 100 metres or so ahead of me. He was stood up straight and completely still, looking up at the sky. Looking up myself, I saw masses of stars, pinpricks of light in the vast emptiness of the black sky. It was beautiful. I had never really realised how much you could really see here, thanks to the lack of streetlamps. I started to head towards the man, hoping to thank him for making me realise, but he had already started to head back. He made his way towards the estate but his perfect posture had changed. Having stood up perfectly proud before, he now walked as if something heavy was on his shoulders. He walked just like me. There was no way I could catch up with him, so I decided to grab as many details as I could from him, to have something to remember of him. It was dark but I still managed to get some things. He was fairly short and wore simple, casual clothes and a beanie. I didn't see his face.

I started to wonder about the man. Why was he alone? Surely he had friends or a girlfriend even to walk with him? It became a habit to come up with more and more questions.

Simply seeing the man caused me to walk more often. I did it simply to have the chance to meet and share his company. But every time I saw him, he was starting to leave, or simply looked in a world of his own, untouchable. He clearly came out alone, to think. He didn't want to be interrupted. He was always alone, just like me. When he left, he would always take the left road, I would always walk straight ahead since it circled back to my flat.

After many weeks, it came to the point where the man had stopped appearing. I had started to walk every night, in hope of seeing him. I had related to the man, begun to care for him when I didn't even know his name. He seemed to have his own troubles, just like me and we both ended up coming out here to think. During the week after his disappearance, I had become worse. Even Clarisse could see. The stress from work was becoming more and more, especially with my new boss. He hated my guts and made life hell. The walks had become less and less of a comfort as I didn't see the man anymore. Clarisse was taking longer and longer shifts so that we could pay the rent. I saw less and less people, I became more and more alone.

I still walked though. I had to find the man. Sure, if I explained he would think I was creepy as hell but I needed to see him. So when I didn't see him, I felt nothing. What was the point anymore? No one cared, I barely saw anyone. Work was going to kill me eventually. Nothing made me happy. I was walking down the old road with no lights when I turned around to hear a car coming slowly towards me. They had forgotten to put their lamps on; they had probably just got in. If this car hit me now, what would happen? I would get time off work. That would be nice. Clarisse would probably take time off to take care of me. We could actually spend time together, rather than her going off with other friends and leaving me alone. I wouldn't be alone. The car was coming closer and closer. I had a decision to make. Get hit or don't. I made my way to the middle of the road. The car was speeding faster and faster, it was so close to the main road, where the limit would be higher and the road would be lit. I clenched my eyes shut, braced my whole body waiting for the impact. I waited but didn't get what I was expecting.