"Do you really have to go?" I mean, what about all the memories we made? And all the plans we talked about? Your really just going to leave that all behind and leave? Wow Devin, i thought i meant something to you, i guess i was wrong." I cant believe this is happening. My bestfriend, my first love, my everything, leaving. Leaving me and all our memories behind.
"Listen, Raylen, I don't want to go, but i have no choice. You think i want to leave you? Of course i don't! You make it seem like it was my decision to just take off! And i cant believe you have the courage to sit here and say you don't mean anything to me! You mean the world to me Raylen, honestly you do, but i have to do this, i just have to, I'm sorry, Ray."
"I'm sorry too Devin, sorry that your just leaving. Have fun, take care. Goodbye."
I push him out my way and run home. Thank god we only met at the park down the street because i couldn't run any longer. I felt as if i was going to pass out. Running and crying don't go good together, trust me. This all just made no sense to me. I understand it wasn't Devin's choice to leave but he could still fight it. Make his parents let him stay here, move in with a friend or something, I don't know, but I'm sure he could fight it. But no, he had to move like 3829847838 miles away.
I finally made it to my house and ran straight to my room,locked my door,and grabbed my knife hidden in my sock draw. I grab a picture off my night stand of me and Devin and stare at it. I remember this day, it was a picture of out first date. We went to the movies. I know, typical first date, but it was the best day ever.
I just stare at the picture, tears flowing like a river. I slowly slide to the floor gripping the picture in one hand and the knife in the other. I place the picture on my lap, and turn the knife toward my wrist. Its been a year since the last time i cut myself. Ever since Devin mad me promise. Well, what can he do about it now? Hes leaving tomorrow morning anyways. I give the picture a quick look, remembering that day exactly as it went,I let a tear run down my face and find its way to the picture on my lap. I slowly glide the cold knife along my wrist. Warm thick blood pours out dripping all over my arm, and finding it way down to the picture on my lap. I look at the picture one more time, the slide the knife over my wrist several more times on each arm before i black out.
Technically, Devin can stay here, he's of age to live by himself all he has to do is get an apartment. I just don't understand why he's going. I guess he means more to me then I mean to him. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
I wake up still on the floor. The picture still on my lap, the knife gripped in my hand, my whole arm and hand covered in blood. I think about getting up and cleaning myself up, but I just sit there.
After thirty minutes of just sitting there, I finally decide to get up. Pushing the picture off my lap and gripping onto the wall, I slowly slide up. Pain rushes through all the new cuts I gave myself. I wince looking at my arm. Last night is a blur. The whole argument, running home, the cuts, its just one big blur.
I leave the picture on the ground still covered in tears and blood. Wiping the knife off, I neatly place it back in my draw. I then rush to the shower, knowing this is the worst part about cutting. The cuts are going to sting like crazy once the water hits them.
Once in the shower, I quickly let the water hit my cuts. My eyes squeeze shut in pain. I lean on the wall for balance. After a while of the water on them, I get used to the pain and begin washing up.
I finish my shower, put on nice comfortable sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. I decide to just let my hair air dry.
Once I'm done cleaning off, I go down to the living room to watch some TV. As I'm walking out the room, I notice the picture still on the floor. I pick it up and stare at it. Slowly walking over to the trash not taking my eyes off the picture. Finally at the trash, I softly rub my finger on the cold glass as if it was a final goodbye.
"Goodbye Devin" I whisper to myself as I let go of the frame and watch it fall down into the trash.
***
I slowly open my eyes. The sound of the TV in the background. I must have dozed off on the couch. Getting up, I grab my phone off the living room table. Fifteen missed calls and twenty four text messages. All from my bestfriend, Savannah.
I look through all the messages. Most of them just say 'Helloooo girll pick up your goddamn phone!!!' Or something on that level. Then I reach the last message which says 'guess I'll
Just have to come over cause someoneeee don't wanna answer her phone, see you soon'
As soon as I begin to type telling her not to bother showing up I hear a quiet knock on the door followed by vannah walking in.
"Hey girl! Why haven't you answered me? I called like twenty times! Vannah explains looking concerned and leaning in for a hug.
I hug vannah back tightly. "Hey, sorry I fell asleep and just woke up, what's up?" I let go and turn walking into the kitchen.
"Nothing I just came to check up on you. I heard about Devin leaving. Vannah follows me in to kitchen dropping her bag on the couch as she walks by. "Are you okay? You know I'm here if you need me, right?"
"Yeah I'll be fine, its just hard to get over something like that, you know?" I turn away from Savannah so she don't see the tears water my eyes. I walk over to the fridge as Vannah sits on the bar table stool. "I'll be fine vannah, I'll get over him, it just, wasn't meant to be, I guess" I open the fridge and squeeze my eyes shut trying to force the tears to go away.
"Ray, you need to be strong, forget about him. I know its easier said then done but still, he obviously didn't know how to treat a girl. Especially you. You deserve so much more then what he was giving you." The tears pour out. I couldn't hold them back anymore. "Ray? You know I'm here for you, right?" Vannah leans in waiting for a response but I can't talk. The tears just flow.
I close the fridge and just lean on it, my face still the opposite way of Savannah's. I try to answer her, but the words just won't come out. Savannah gets up and pulls me away from the fridge and brings me in for a hug.
She grabs my arm which causes me to gasp because the pain of the cuts. She then looks at me with confusion then her face softens.
"Ray" she speaks soft and calmly. "You didn't do it again, did you? She holds my arms out in front of her and slowly and gently pulls my sleeves up. She pulls them up just until she can see a few cuts then pulls it back down. Vannah hated looking at my cuts and she always avoided it in any way possible.
She brings her eyes up to mine. She's crying, she's disappointed, she cares. I thought no one cared.
Once I don't answer her for a good amount of time, she leans in wrapping her arms around me. Squeezing me in a tight hug.
"We will get through this, you will be fine, you will move on, you will get treated like the princess you really are." Me and vannah just stand there, hugging and crying.
Someone cares.
