Love, Dad

8. Happy Ever After

There didn't seem to be much of a rush to me, but Levi insisted that we leave for our camping trip on Friday. I told him it would be fine for us to go on Saturday, but he wanted to make use of the whole weekend, so we agreed to head out after he got off work. Well, he agreed and I didn't argue it with him. Of course it was stupid of me to put off packing as long as I did, so I couldn't really blame anyone but myself. The week leading up to our trip, I told myself I still had plenty of time. The night before, I convinced myself that I needed to get enough sleep, so I'd pack while he was at work. Then my anxiety was finally honest and left me rocking back and forth in the corner for hours, because I was still so afraid of this trip. Maybe that last part was an exaggeration, though not by much.

By the time he had come to pick me up, I was smiling and ready to go—game faced and prepared. The rest of the evening was fairly average, and we'd just found a good place to set up camp before lighting a fire to sit around. Nighttime was the hard part, because I had to lay down right next to him and try not to think about how close we were—how alone. Yet he drifted off easily the first night and that made it a little better, a little easier to still my pounding heart and force myself under.

Saturday was different, because we woke early and I realized we had the whole day to spend with each other. Levi and me, every second of every minute, no interruptions. We made use of the sun by hiking around the woods and recalling old memories that had taken place in them—we had spent a lot of time running through these trees, and it was all very familiar despite the fact that I hadn't been here in a while. Then we did a little fishing, and after dark we had some more time around the campfire. That night, when it came time to sleep, he rolled over and threw his arm over me as he dreamt. It was nice, I liked it, and I didn't push him off—though I should have.

I'd almost convinced myself that we were going to make it through our excursion with no need for my worry. But it was Sunday now, a whole day for anything to go wrong. Levi liked the fishing we'd done yesterday, but felt that we hadn't spent enough time doing it. There was a reason for that, and it was because I hated it, which was why he was practically on his knees begging me. He should've known that I would give in to him, I always did.

"Fine, but only for a little bit." I caved, watching him as he pranced around doing his happy dance.

"Awesome, you're the best!" He grabbed my arms hard and kissed me on the cheek before retrieving his pole and running off in the direction of the river. With a roll of my eyes, I picked up my own gear and followed after him. When I caught up he already had his line cast in the water, so I had to help keep an eye on his pole while he baited my hook for me. Then I threw out and remained there beside him. It was quiet in the woods, eerily so, and I knew that if I kept waiting for the shoe to drop then I would be plagued with this feeling for the rest of the day.

"This sucks," I muttered, looking over at him with a kidding grin.

"Hey, at least I take the fish off the hook for you like your dad used to." He consoled me. It was true, even though dad never could understand why I didn't want to touch slimy worms and scaly fish, he'd still been accommodatingm enough to let me out of that filthy requirement.

"Which is the only reason I'm here right now." I joked, watching him laugh a little before looking back out at the water. Even though the noiselessness here was peculiar, I still found it beautiful, and it made my heart swell in a strange way, like I could almost stay here forever. Maybe it was because this was one thing I hadn't had in Los Angeles, or maybe it was because this reminded me of such happier times, times that were so much simpler. It didn't matter, I just let it instill me with tranquility, allowed it to overtake the panic I had. It made the next hours go by smoother, and that made it worthwhile.