The Period Horror Stories

The Guy's Bathroom

Let me first ask why the hell are you guys reading this?! Like bruh I made this for myself and apparently I've got people in like the Philippines and Italy and South Africa and India and Honduras and Australia. Like my other book I understand but it surprised me you guys are actually reading this shit. Like this is my 4 am-Diet Coke influenced-period raging- pissed off at everyone who comes near me-extravaganza. I made this as a joke but then it got pretty popular so now I'm stuck with it I guess.

So . . . enjoy?

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My friends were teasing me so much. I was only 13 at the time when I got my first period, so yeah, call me a late fucking bloomer. Of course, the flower ain't gonna really bloom just yet cause I don't wanna be a baby mommy or some shit like that.

So they were teasing me with their shit eating grins spread across their smug faces. My face was as red as my vagina right now. I told them that I thought I shat myself but for some reason my poop was the color of what their piss will be in 60 years. They laughed and said, "Oh, you're a woman now!"

I was like, "Fuck no, my boobs aren't even A cups what the eff you talking about."

They explained I was having a period. Of course, MY mother never explained to me what that was and the school was too cheap to fund sex ed so I didn't even know how babies were made yet. I guess they assumed the parents would do it but mine were like, "Haha well FUCK how will we explain this. Ok, uh, FUCK- I mean, well sweetheart, OH SHIT the FUCK, OK you want pancakes? I'm not concerned if you're allergic you will stuff these into your face! Stop asking me where they come from! Look it up on YouTube like you teenagers do! Pancakes! Oh, we don't have pancakes? I'll make some- gotta go byeyoulittleshitfaceI'mgoingtogetawayfromyounowbecausethisisasawkwardassexiswhichIdon'twanttoexplaintoyou."

So, yeah, you could see why I wasn't really the dirtiest of minds at all.

"Oh, so I'm shitting blood now? Well now what?" I asked my friends. "Get a tampon," one friend snickered. "What's that?" I didn't know what one was. "You stick it up your youknowwhat to soak up the blood." 

"What, like Spongebob Squarepants?"

"Er, I suppose...."

"Alright, so can one of you get me one?" I asked. "Here, I'll hand you one." My friend reached into her bag and pulled out something. It looked like a really skinny dildo. "Er, thanks?" I reached to take it when another hand snatched it up.

It was the most popular girl in school (for a middle school), dangling a tampon by the string with her manicured claws. "Well, well, well? Are you on your first period?" I remembered back in elementary school she bragged about being the first one to get her period and boobs.

"Yeah, so can I have the sponge thing?" I asked.

"Come and get it," she sneered. She ran as fast as her bling bling twinkle toes could go. I ran after her, her clip on pink highlights flying just out of reach of my fingertips. "GIVE BACK THE TAMPON!"

"GO FETCH!" she screamed. She threw the tampon as far as her skinny white arms could throw with a fantastic 'YEET' as it sailed like a flying potato coming after someone for frying their entire family and devouring them. It went into the boy's bathroom. The ultimate hell.

"What?!" I screamed.

She smirked her usual shit eating grin. "Good luck!"

"WAY TO BE AN ASSHOLE!" I yelled after her. How was I supposed to sneak in? I can't go in as a girl, I'll be mistaken for a whore! And at least I don't confuse my legs for a door!

I then decided to do the ultimate trick from She Does The Man. Whew. I ran to my locker and raided my locker-mate's soccer clothes. Luckily my boobs haven't reached their full potential, so I could still pass easily as a guy. I stuffed the clothes in my bag and rushed to the little girl's room. Once I changed and tied up my hair in what could pass for a man-bun, I looked good to go.

I walked with shaky legs to the guy's bathroom. Boys were left and right. The guy's bathroom is also a locker room, so these dorks were all half naked. They weren't even toned because they were like, 13.

"Hey, Todd! Ya little fag! Come over here!"

First of all, I'm not Todd. Second of all that's really offensive. "Seriously? Calling me a fag? I happen to know three gay guys in this bathroom right now." That was lie of course, but what was I gonna say?

"W-WHAT?!"

All of the heterosexual straight dweebs started panicking.

 "You're gay, aren't ya Jimmy? AREN'T YA?!"

"DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! NO HOMOOOOO!"

"SOME ONE GET ME SOMETHING TO COVER UP MY DING A LING!"

"WHAT ARE YOU ASIAN NOW MARKY?"

In all of the chaos happening from boys tragically trying to cover up their dinglehoppers I crawled on the ground, desperately trying to escape their man-whore wrath.

I found the tampon on the ground. "GOT IT!"

I grabbed it and rushed out, dashing past the half naked cry babies. I rushed back into the girl's room and got the tampon. At last! Something to help the bleeding in my vagina! To clog it up like shit in my grandmother's toilet!

I opened the wrapper.

Uh... what is this? How the frick frack diddily dack patty wack snick snack crack pack slack mack quarterback crackerjack biofeedback backtrack thumbtrack sidetrack tic-tac am I supposed to put this up someplace? Like the butt? Is this a butt plug?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?!!!!!!!???!??

Aunt Flo wasn't doing me any favors, so I was extremely irritated and frustrated at what to do. 

Like was this going to slip out of me like a greasy oil platter? What do I do this? Like how do I get it out? Does it just suck up or something?

In short, that was my first period. And yes, I ruined everything I sat on.