Mud | Obikin

1.

"I have not been your Master for a long time now, and it is my profound belief that General Skywalker is perfectly able to take care of his own mushrooms."

He ignores me and stares at the ceiling with his arms under his head, huffing and pouting.
I do my best to keep my eyes on the holopad.

The truth is, I like this; feel him near, stay together in silence.
'In silence' is the key concept, I think with a grin.

Last months have worn us out. Despite this, when we are far away from Coruscant, we're home to each other. I hate to admit it, but this makes me want to stay.
His presence is toxic, every moment we spend together makes me want more. This scares me. Often, running away is all I can do.

At moments, it seems that he plays with me like a cat with its prey, both conscious and unconscious of what he does to me.
Still, at the end of the day, here is where I want to be; under the same roof, safe and sound, rolling my eyes to his whining.

I shake my head and try to get back to my writing.

"It surely must be a complicated report. It's taking you forever."

The rain pelting on the tent roof forces us to raise our voices.

"Why don't you take care of it, for once?"

"Bureaucracy is not my thing, you know. And I don't want to rob you of something you find so funny. You keep smiling."

I can't find anything sharp to answer back. Anakin stares at me with a questioning look, and I check my shields.

"I really want to get back home," he finally sighs.

I know far too well what he really means. My stomach gets sick, and I hate myself for this.

"Me too," I do my best to sound light. "There's little left to do here. We will be back to the Temple soon, and we'll try to stay there for a while."

He smiles sadly. "I truly am a boring partner - always fishing for comfort, for someone to tell me that everything will be ok. And you keep looking after me, a lie after another."

I should assure him mine are not lies but, before realising, I'm telling him that he has been my Padawan so I won't stop taking care of him easily.
I really must be tired, I can't trust myself anymore.
It will get better when we're back. I'll ask the Council to split us.

"You know you won't," he says, and I almost choke.

I look away, upset by my lack of self-control and by his unrespectful attitude. We do not mess with each other's thoughts; it's an unspoken pact as old as our relationship.

"I'm sorry. You're always so tight that when something escapes your shields, it's as loud as a shout."

I do not move until that thing that makes my throat pinch washes away.
When I turn back to him, my face only shows the baffling serenity of the detached Master. I smile and nod, saying that it doesn't matter, that it was my fault and that you can't totally avoid this when you spend so much time with someone.
This is going to make him mad.

"Judging by how the idea of another mission together frightens you, you really can't stand me anymore."

As usual, he gets bitter to mask his wounds. My experience says that it's better to extinguish the fire as soon as possible. "Don't be silly, this is not what I was thinking. You said it yourself; you can't wait to leave too."

"I hate this planet, but I've never wished to be here with anyone else."

For a second, one of my eyebrows raises in disbelief, and I regret it immediately.

He comes closer, looking down at me as he always does when we argue, since the day he became taller than me. "What does that mean?"

I keep my eyes steady, but I try to look more resigned than challenging. "We're tired. Let's stop it here."

"You run away. Typical."

"Anakin, please, it has been a long day. You are the one I want beside me on the battlefield, the one I trust with my life every day. This doesn't mean we should stick together all the time. Sometimes it may be better to take a pause, for the both of us. I would appreciate if you could see it too."

If I were someone else, his furious stare would have petrified me. Being me, all I see is his sadness.

"Tell me what that damn mocking face of yours meant."

Things are getting risky, and Anakin has never had enough common sense to realise it. I should quickly find something to satisfy his curiosity without leaving the safe side.

"I only mean that that of your old and boring Master can't possibly be the only company you crave."

He tries to dig for a hidden meaning, but only gets doubts.
I'll never understand how the Chosen One, the Hero Without Fear, can be so clueless to believe that I do not know, that nobody knows.

"You're not old." Is all he manages to say.

"But I'm boring. Goodnight, Anakin."