broken strings. ➳ payne. [slow updates]

Chapter Three. - Pity Party For Two

I decided that I should not waste any more time in bed and that I had things to do. I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. Once I was finished, I went to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast and a well-deserved cup of coffee. As I was eating my cereal, I started making a list of everything I had to do that day. It did not consist of many things, but I knew I would think of more things that would be done as the day progressed.

After I finished my breakfast and coffee, I made my way back into the bedroom to start the first chore on my list, cleaning. As I started dusting the furniture, I passed the blood spot on the carpet. I tried to ignore it every time I walked past, but by the time it was time to vacuum, I could not control the flood of emotions.

These emotions came at once, catching me off guard and having me lean on the bed to stabilize myself. It was a combination of emotions where my body did not know which action it wanted to perform. It was unsure if it wanted to cry or throw objects, or just shut down. It felt like it all happened in a millisecond, but as soon as I thought of him, my body combusted into tears, sobs and screams left my mouth, and I fell to a mess on the floor.

I could not stand him for leaving me here all alone. I hated him for leaving me. He was one of the few good things in my life and he just left me here to rot. I was sure he forgot about me, I couldn’t understand why he would think of me anymore. I was nothing but a childhood memory to him, just an old photograph left on the top shelf of a bookshelf to become friends with piles of dust.

But no matter how much I hated Liam for leaving me, I hated myself even more. I did something to push him away. I did something to him to make myself not worthy of a proper goodbye. Not even a note or notice left. I did something to him that he had his family shut me out too.

His family closing me out was the third worst thing to ever happen to me. His family was like mine, always making me feel like I belonged somewhere. I had my mom, yes, but it was just she and I and to make ends meet, her job hours were not always the best. On those days, the Payne’s made me feel like I was just another daughter to them. I got along with Liam’s sisters really well, them treating me like I was just the baby sister. I would always go to them for advice, especially when my mom was not around. It was a place where I felt at home. But I had to be a stupid girl and ruin everything.

Ever since he left, I racked my brain to try to figure out what I did wrong, and just like with Austin, I came up with nothing. I thought I was a very good friend to Liam, supporting him in everything he did, no matter how trivial. But I clearly did something wrong for everything to go astray. And what bothered me the most was that I would never know what I did. That was the one thing that ate me up, not knowing.

I tried to push this to the back of my mind, reminding myself that I had things to do in order to keep Austin happy. I pushed myself off the carpet, went to the bathroom, grabbed the stain remover, and got to work scrubbing the hideous mark off the floor. The memories were enough of a reminder to the pain I felt to not need a physical one as well.

Once the cleaning was done, I went to the bathroom to start getting ready to go to the grocery store. I set the shower to how I liked it and got in. After a few minutes of just standing in the shower, I allowed myself to lean a wall and slide down to the floor. With my thighs to my chest, arms wrapped securely around my shins, and head resting on top of my knees, I allowed myself to cry again. I allowed myself to have a pity party, with the saddening reminder that Liam would never be mine again.

Hi guys. I am so sorry about the extremely slow updates. To say I have a lot of work is an understatement. I had two tests that were back to back today and I have two on Monday. And these aren't just some bullshit classes either. They are all for my major, so I have to do really well. I am going to try to update a bit in the upcoming weeks, seeing as though I won't have exams until the end of October for midterms.

It's not just my classes that were stressing me out too. I had Formal Recruitment for Greek organizations (sororities) last weekend and it literally took up all day Saturday and Sunday. And on top of everything, I am just mentally not doing well. I am having more bad days than good days per week and I have other family issues going on as well that I will not bore you with. If you honestly care, you can PM me, but it's fine if you don't. But I just wanted to let you guys know that I didn't forget about you, or my stories, but that my life is just a serious mess of shit right now and I honestly don't know what to do. Hopefully I will figure something out, but until then, updates will be whenever I can. Again, I am SOOOOOO sorry about this. I wish I had more free time.

I hope everything is okay with all of you guys and despite my long and bitchy complaint above, if you need ANYONE to talk to about ANYTHING, you can honestly come to me. I will not judge and I will do my best to give you advice if you need it. If you just want someone to vent to, I am here for that too. I may not have time to write a full update, but I am always checking wattpad, so I will respond within a timely manner.

Anyways, enough ranting! I hope you enjoy this update. I'm sorry it was a bit uneventful, but I need to set everything up. It will pick up soon, pinky promise!!

Stay Sparkling (: xox.