"Rainy days and blank umbrellas who's gunna save you now?"
I don't know what to do I'm only good at 2 things and writing is one so I guess I'll write my feelings
It's like my stomach has sinked in again and again every time I breath there's a weight on my chest it hurts my heart hurts it's heavy my chest aches like physical pain ache not just emotional it's like I've been hit
My body feels heavy nothing feels alright I'm unbalanced
I feel like curling up but it hurts to bad to the pit in my stomach is horrible it's like bad anxiety forever
It's like admitting defeat. Over two years shit.
I shouldn't hurt this badly but losing isn't my favorite thing stupid me stupid cigarettes stupid everything
I don't see a point any longer.
There's nothing to be okay about maybe I should just free my dad from jail so he can beat me like I deserve to be beaten bloody because that's how I feel
I deserve it all.
Maybe if I free him at least I can die because suicide has never worked and he'd for sure kill me. That's how bad it hurts that at the moment I'm actually considering it because at least I'd get what i deserve.
God that feels so stupid to say he's a horrible man and I know that and I'm the reason he's there but if he was out I'd be gone but I'm sure plenty of people want to beat me to death do they're always options too
I just need the willow tree I haven't been in so long but maybe it'll help
I need to stop being sad because there's nothing I can do I've tried and tried but I'm not needed any longer.
I'm so sorry about this chapter.
