*sorry I haven't updated in so long*
*inspired by Remembering Sunday by ATL*
*connor's pov*
Our story was a beautiful tragedy. Friends reduced to a horrible mess of nothing within less than a week. I had fallen for the blue eyed boy I called my best friend, and he hadn't done the same for me.
-
I sat down at the desk in my room, old and cracked, ready to fall and break apart at any moment. The pen and my notebook were in their usual place, and I immediately took them out.
I flipped through pages upon pages of my endless ranting until I reached a blank one, empty of ink and deep words that never failed to make me tear up when rereading them.
I started writing.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
He's been haunting my head. Every time I fall asleep he's behind the darkness of my eyelids, he sits in the front of my mind during classes. I can't stop thinking about him.
By now, I would've been over a stupid crush, which leads me to believe it's not just a stupid crush. I've never fallen in love, I couldn't even begin to understand what it is. I feel nothing but hatred for my family, and I have no friends but him.
If falling in love is screaming at yourself because you can't forget his bright eyes, if falling in love is crying because there's no chance of him being with you, if falling in love is resenting yourself because you can't give him more; I've fallen.
-
Thursday, I woke up with tears streaking my face. The dream I had that night was terrifying to no end, and even now I couldn't explain it in depth. I mean, I suppose I could, but not without feeling like I had taken a knife to the heart.
In short, there was death. Death ending in misery and depression. It had felt so real, that when I woke up, I was convinced that it was real. Regardless, I dragged myself out of bed.
I made it to school with two minutes to spare, that time I spent looking for Troye who I did not see. It only worried me further when I didn't see him at lunch, or during sixth hour.
Seventh period was a saving grace for me though. The door was quietly pushed open, still managing to gain everyone's attention. In walked Troye, pass in hand. He sat down next to me after handing it to the teacher.
"Where the fuck have you been?" I whispered, tears of relief coming to my eyes. His eyebrows furrowed, setting down his math book.
"I had an appointment two hours away from here. I told you that yesterday."
I sighed, thanking that it was just my wild imagination. He was okay, and that was all that mattered to me at the moment. "I must've forgotten, I was worried."
He smiled and rubbed my arm, comforting me. "I'm fine. Are we still on? My house, after school?"
I grinned. "No way that you could stop me."
-
Halfway through my time there I started to think that I shouldn't have come. We began the time with playing video games, and the first few times I won, which made him pout. The next time, I lost. There was this huge smile on his face as he stood up to do a dance.
After that I let him win each time, because I couldn't stand to see the pout on his face, and his winning dance was by far one of the cutest things I'd ever seen.
He caught onto the fact that I was letting him win, and suggested we do something else, which ended in us watching a movie. It was boring, and the whole time I was staring at the side of Troye's face from the armchair I was sitting on. Trailing through my thoughts were everything about him I'd fallen in love with, like his nervous habit of tapping his foot and his dark sense of humor.
I hadn't realized the movie had been paused and that Troye had said something until he repeated my name.
"What?"
"Are you okay? You seem off."
I lost control of myself in two seconds, and it's sad to say I didn't gain it again until I left his house.
"I love you."
"Connor, you can't love me." Troye was standing up now. His eyes were darkened, a stormy sea instead of the light and fun ocean they were usually. "I don't believe in love, there's no way you're telling the truth."
I took a step closer. I said, "but I do. I do love you and you can't tell me I don't."
"I can't have the same feelings for you, Connor."
"But you can! Love isn't just a fucking feeling it's a choice! Do you think I go through a storm of thoughts everyday because I feel like I love you? No, I choose to go through it, because maybe you could feel the same way. You could love me if you really wanted to, Troye. Bye, fucker." I regret walking out after that. I left him instead of talking, and the last words I will ever say to him are bye, fucker.
-
I was swept off on a vacation the next day. I hadn't known anything about it, nor was I even told we were going on one. The whole two days we were there were hell for me. I had no way to talk to Troye, to tell him I was sorry.
We were back soon though, and the minute my feet touched the cement of our driveway I was running. It wasn't smart of me, but I jumped over fences and ran through other's lawns. I wasn't going to take my sweet time, when I was ready to let the words slip out.
I was bounding up the stairs of their porch at 3 am, pounding on the door with two clenched fists.
It was ten minutes before a porch light next door turned on, no one had answered yet. By then my knuckles were bloody and bruised.
"What the hell are you doing?" A man yelled.
I stopped to talk to him. "I have to talk to someone that lives here!" I didn't wait another second before I started banging on the door again, Loud smacks filling my ears.
"No one lives there! Bloody idiot!"
I stopped. "My friend does! The Mellet's!"
"They moved out yesterday! Go back home, kid!" He didn't say another word before he walked inside, but he didn't need to. My heart was already split in half, and I was on the ground.
I was sobbing, vision blurry. I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face. He'd left. Troye wasn't there to help me with my homework or beat me at Halo.
I left for a vacation and came back to find my broken heart awaiting me in an empty house. I slumped down in front of the door, forcing myself to sit up.
"I love you," I said to no one in particular, thinking of Troye's messy curls and thin, pink lips.
I felt my fingers run over something smooth, a crinkling sound following. I picked it up, unfolding it. Inside was a messy print I recognized as Troye's.
I'M SORRY
"I'm sorry, too."
-
a/n: I am so so sorry for being gone for awhile. I've been so busy with school and I know that's not a good excuse but I don't really have a great reason.
I have a new short story out, it's called 'His Monster' if you'd like to go check it out.
I don't have a chapter of Red Strings Break ready and I haven't finished The Dare pt. 2 yet, but I promise I'll try my best to get them up as soon as possible for you guys. I'm a terrible person, I know.
I'd also just like to say that I hear so many stories about how people bitch to writers about updating. Idk if that says something about my writing or just how amazing you guys are, but I appreciate it and all of you so much.
I love you guys.
Goodbye smol beans xx
