Chapter 26: Selfish

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ADDIE

"Ano'ng nangyari?" tanong sa akin ni Zia pagkatapos niyang maupo sa tabi ko. Nasa library ako ngayon, hindi ko alam kung paano niya ako nahanap dito sa lumang section kung saan madalas na walang tao. "May hindi ka sinasabi sa akin."

I've been doing this for a week now, with the excuse that I need to study for our finals since I'm running for salutatorian. Sigurado naman ako na si Toby ang batch valedictorian, he deserves that spot.

"Huh? Wala 'no. Kailangan ko lang talagang mag-focus sa pag-a-aral," tanggi ko sa sinasabi niya at sinubukan kong ibahin ang usapan. "Hindi pa tapos magsagot ng exam sina Mary, Chelle at Rheigne?" tanong ko na lang.

"Hindi pa," maikli niyang sagot bago niya ako pinagbantaan. "Don't you dare change the topic, Addie."

"What now?" balik ko sa kanya at sinamaan niya ako ng tingin.

"I know you. You don't like studying. You're smart but you're lazy as hell. Kaya 'wag na nga tayong maglokohan," bahagya siyang tumawa bago muling naging seryoso ang ekspresyon niya. "Adds... isang linggo mo na 'tong iniiwasan. Finals is up so you have no choice but to tell me what's up. I'm your best friend, you can tell me things."

"Wala nga kasi, Z. I'm just not in the mood these days," pagdadahilan ko at pinaningkitan niya lang ako ng mga mata. She's definitely not buying it.

"What's up with you and Axel?" diretso niyang tanong. "His cold demeanor is back just when we thought that you finally broke it. What happened?"

"He's still the same old Axel," sagot ko. He's still the same old Axel and I'm still the same old Addie—still wanting him despite his cold demeanor and the lies. "Wala namang nagbago."

"Hm... so, it was all a dream? Your closeness and you two being sweet, did we all just dream of it?" sarcastic niyang tanong. "Kasi ito ka sa harap ko, sinasabi mo na wala namang nagbago kahit alam naman nating mayro'n."

"It was too good to be true in the first place, right? I should've known," napayuko ako at napailing. "I guess our time is up. I have to wake up from this dream now."

"Ano bang ginawa niya?" concerned na tanong ng best friend ko nang mahimigan niya ang malungkot na tono ng boses ko.

"Z, sabi mo matalino ako, 'di ba? But why can't I distinguish his lies from the truth? It all felt sincere to me pero... pero, nagkamali ako," pag-amin ko.

"I can't fully understand what you're trying to say without knowing the whole story. But I can sense that you're not yet ready to tell me everything about you and Axel," mahinahon niyang sabi at narinig ko pa ang malalim na buntong-hininga niya. "Addie... alam ko na sinabi namin nina Chelle, Rheigne at Mary na backup kami kung sakaling masasaktan ka ni Axel pero—"

"It's okay, Z. You don't have to do that for me," putol ko sa sinasabi niya.

"Pero, Adds... kahit hindi mo sabihin, halata namang nasasaktan ka ngayon dahil sa kanya," pagpapatuloy niya. "Hindi man namin alam kung bakit biglang nagbago pagkatapos ng prom and I'm not in the position to tell you this but... we know that he's hurting too kaya wala kaming kakampihan."

"He's hurting, too? Really? That's because he's a good actor," seryoso kong sabi. "And yes, hindi niyo kailangang pumili ng kakampihan sa amin. Aalis din naman ako papuntang New York, so what's the point of fixing this mess?"

"It's still best if you talk to him. Para gumaan kahit papaano ang pakiramdam mo bago ka umalis," suhestiyon niya. "Isa pa... matalino ka naman talaga, Adds. I'm sure you can distinguish what's sincere and what's not."

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