Shut Up or I'll Kiss You

Kiss of Revenge Ch. 17

"Next. I came here to say goodbye."

There was stillness in the air. It's as if the waves have settled onto the shore. It's like the birds got tired of flying and the sun refused to set. Another goodbye in a series of many. I never saw this one coming. She's been constant ever since she came here. She never left... and now this.

Will goodbyes end? Will there be another one after this?

"I did hate you, that's for sure. I blame you for what happened. I blame you and RB and your relationship. But then I realized as the days wear off at the hospital and I start to physically heal that there are things in life I don't have control with. I sure wish you were not that selfish and you should've chosen to love me and our daughter instead. I still wish that Charles... But that's what I cannot control. Your emotions. Your actions. It's yours.

She wrapped her shoal tighter around her. "I can't bring back Charly, she's gone. She's gone even before I have her completely. It's sad and it hurts and it's unbearable at times. Especially when I started to think of what if's. But those what if's are unchangeable."

I agree with her but I did not respond. Facts are facts even if I don't react to it, right?

"But you know what I can control Charles?" She asked. "Myself. My emotions. My thoughts."

"I prayed for a change of heart. I don't believe in God but who do I run to after what happened?"

And I think of her leaving everything behind when she found out about Charly. She left her family and friends and whatever she may have for a family she never got.

"And guess what? It helped. And now I choose to forgive."

Her tears now starts to slowly roll down her cheeks. I looked down at my feet. I cannot look at her with those tears that I know I somehow caused.

I saw her feet come closer to mine. I feel her touch my face. She, like Nicole, wiped my tears that aren't even there.

"You should forgive yourself too. It's fine Charles. Charly's not mad at you. I am not mad at you. We forgive you. I guess this time it's time you forgive yourself too. You deserve it Charles. You deserve the peace."

I sighed and closed my eyes and for a fleeting moment, I swear I felt something.

Later that night, after that moment with Emma on the beach. After she kissed me on my cheek and stepped back and walked away. After I felt a little stray of hope. I lay on my bed, thinking...

Should I? Will I be able to forgive myself? If I do so, will I feel something again?

I asked and sighed and tumble over my bed. Sleepless. Emotionless.

RB's POV:

"Happy Graduation ate! We're so proud of you!" sigaw nung kapatid kong maingay.

"Ate! We proud of you! Yay!!" dugtong nung bunso naming.

Kumakain kami sa isang restaurant at pulang-pula na ko sa kaingayan nila. Ok. Ok. I know I'm loud too, pero hindi ganito.

Ganyan ako?

Lul.

Anyway, it's been a tough year and I see kung bakit sila proud. Maski ako proud sa sarili ko eh. I thought I will not survive the last months of studying, pagsabayin ba naman ang thesis at heartbreak. Pero buti na lang pinanganak akong matalino, *salamat sa nanay ko* at lumaki akong masipag. *salamat ulit sa nanay ko*