The Marauders Are My Bullies (A Sirius Black Love story / A Marauder Era Story )

C H A P T E R 2

C H A P T E R      2

 - A S T R I D ' S     P . O . V -

After the extremely humiliating event that occurred on the train , I decided to wait in the toilets until everyone was escorted off. The smell of muggle cleaning products had got to my head- my feeling were even more all over the place. I didn't really want to cry infront of anyone. Especially not them.  I didn't want anyone to think that they got to me - even though they didn't care.  No one really cares until something dramatic happens. Death and Murder. I sigh sadly when I see that all the carriages are gone and not one person or suitcase was to be seen apart from my scruffy small one.  Who am I kidding? No one's going to stay for the freak.The crisp leaves crunch with each  small step I take towards my luggage before I pick it up and chuck it onto my shoulder.I didn't have a pet - my father said I didn't deserve one and I agree with him. I mean what use am I honestly.I hate myself. True. I often think of death. True. Suicide is a reasonable option. True.Shaking of my terrifying thoughts I make my way to Hogwarts. The wind whipped around my body and the cold blew my Gryffindor robes up. My nose began to run slightly and my body shivered involuntarily. I stare blankly at the magical castle and watch as darkness envelopes around it, sometimes the darkness knows what I feel. It wasn't until now that I realized being left alone , with my mind , is actually quite dangerous.  My wrist is screaming "Cut me", My hips are screaming "Tear into me", and my mind.... my mind is just screaming. Self-harm was something that helped me to control my body and my feelings. It was a way to get rid of the stress and pressure both from school and home. If you could class it as a home that is.

I feel sad. It's not the kind of sadness where you cry all the time, but more like the sadness that overwhelms your entire body. It leaves your heart aching and your stomach empty. It makes you feel weak and tired yet you can't sleep because the sadness is in your dreams too. It's almost like a sadness you can't escape. When I was younger, when I first heard about suicide in muggle studies I was shocked. I didn't know why anyone would kill themselves on purpose. All I can say now is it's funny how fast things can change. Have I ever thought of it? Yes. Of how easy it would be? Of how I could just jump out the window or step in front of a heard of centaurs? Or how I could swallow lots of muggle pills and it would be over? Or how I just need a way out because you can't take it anymore? God now I'm talking to myself. No wonder why they call me a freak.... I am one. When I'm alone, I think. When I think, I remember. When I remember , I feel pain. When I feel pain, I cry. When I cry, I can't stop.  I glance in the woods again and smile slightly as I see centaurs looking back at me. I had gained their trust last year when they took me too a hiding place for my wolf.  Janur, a centaur child , decided to look after me and distract me from going to the castle. He grew taller each year i saw him , nobody knew of our friendship. Especially not dad as he always classed them as filthy half-breeds. His views on them weren't exactly pleasant.  I however completely disagree with him there is nothing wrong with being different or having different parents.

Each time I came we bonded more and more. He wasn't scared of me because of my dad - non of the centaurs were. They told me that they do not judge people by their parents mistakes only mine. I Sent them a small wave and bowed my head respectively which they all did back before rushing off. I Told them all about it , the bullying.  I soon realised how close I was too the castle and freaked out internally. I glanced upwards at the stars preying to muggle God that this will all be over soon, I know it won't work but it was worth a try. Am I truly ready for another full year of bullying - could I honestly take this?  All over again , the embarrassment , the pain.  Breathe. You're going to be okay. Breathe, and remember that you've been in this place before. 

I can do this.