Tempted (#Wattys2015)

Tempted:30:

Bella would never forgive me...she'd cry and look at me the same way every one else has. I'd disappoint her, she'd stop loving me because she'd see the monster, she'd see all of my broken pieces and see that I'm not who she thinks I am after all, she'd see all my regrets, all of my mistakes.

She'd see an empty me.

"Justin, you alright?" Bella asked with a giggled, waving her hand slightly in front of my face.

"Yeah," I nodded quickly, weakly smiling at her while I played with my pancakes. "I'm fine."

______________

10:38 AM

"Let's go for a walk." I suggested, leaning over Bella from where I laid next to her, pecking her cheek.

"Ok." She smiled, letting me help pull her up and keep a hold on one hand, swinging them as we started walking down the beach. "Are you ok? You've been quiet."

"I'm ok." I shrugged, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"What is it?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Justin, I'm going to worry about it if you're acting so quiet. It's weird. What's wrong?"

"You know I've talked to Hunter..." I started, keeping my eyes down on the sand as we walked.

"And?"

"Manny still isn't back, but he knows we're not there. They led him in the opposite direction, ok? We'll be fine."

"Justin!"

"You know I'm right here. I'm not going to let anything happen."

"But my mom..." She shook her head, her eyes bigger than they were before.

"She knows. I already talked to her. Hunter told me they're in New Mexico. It would take them days to get back. It's ok."

"You talked to Mom before me?!"

"She had to know too! It was only a few days ago. Please don't be mad at me, I- I just -"

"You just what?!"

"I didn't want you to be scared."

"And you thought not telling me would take it away?! Justin, I'm scared all the time, not matter where we are."

"Not this week. You've been smiling, and happy - not checking your back every five minutes to see who's watching. They could be here, in this state, they could be north, south, there isn't any running in my world."

"Then why did we do it?" She blinked, now frightened, looking around us quickly to make sure we were still the only ones on the beach.

"Look at you baby," I sighed, tilting up my head by my chin. "That's why. When we came here you saw your mom, you were smiling and you weren't worrying. That's what I wanted...maybe I out it wrong. Running was a good thing, but this is where that old saying 'You can run, but you can't hide,' comes into play. We can't stay here all summer."

"B-But if we go home..."

"We're going to have to face it." I swallowed, holding onto her so she couldn't walk away. "But I'm not going anywhere, I tried to leave you once to protect you, and that didn't work. I'll do everything I can, you just have to trust me."

"I do trust you."

"Then have a little faith in me. Let me protect you instead of worrying about it yourself. He'll be dead before he touches you again."

"No, then you get caught, you go to jail, and you're gone. Manny wins anyway."

"He has to go away."

"Then he can be the one to go to jail."

"Bella-"

"Promise me," She held onto my face, looking up at me with desperation, her brown eyes glassed over while they gazed into mine, tugging on my insides. "Promise me you won't kill him."

"I-I-"

"You don't kill people."

"That's not true anymore." I snapped, more irritated with myself than her.

Obviously I did. Two were dead because of me - their familes lost sons because of me.

"No, those other times were because you did what you had to do to survive. That wasn't because you're cold hearted. You know that."

"Do I?"

"Justin, stop it. You do! That's not who you are."

"Have you ever thought that maybe you just believe I'm not that kind of person? Everyone else sees it, I've done some messed up stuff Bella. We're here because of me."

"No," She shook her head, watching me as I swallowed, clenching my jaw from her persistence. "We're here because there's a broken boy somewhere still trapped inside of you, wondering why he wasn't good enough to keep his family together, wondering what he did wrong, why he deserved for everything in his life to to just disappear. That's why we're here. Because a part of you is still broken."

I stayed silent, feeling her fingertips graze my cheeks, my hands holding tighter onto her body, keeping her close, pushing back old memories daring themselves to resurface.

No, I wasn't talking about this now.

Or ever.

Not even with her.

"It's going to rain." I said, tugging on her hand the way we had come. "We should go inside."

"Justin..."

"Come on." I mumbled, pulling her faster as I felt a drop of rain.

Well wasn't that ironic.

"Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you." I whispered, glancing at her for a moment before I let go of her hand and reached down, folding up our towels. "I just don't want to talk about that. Any of it."

"Ok."

Then we were quiet, her little bag slung over her shoulder, but I gently took it from her, holding it in mine with the towels in my other hand, but it was no use.

We both were walking too slow, and didn't seem to care whether it was raining or not, I didn't.

But she was shivering as we were under the porch, and I held her, wrapping my arms around her for warmth.

"Let's go inside. You'll freeze out here." I told her, grabbing the driest towel - which actually was pretty dry, draping it over her shoulders, with her bag still in my hand, then led her up the stairs, opening up the door to my room.

"We could get a shower. My mom left for the grocery store not too long ago."

"Ok." I led her through the room, holding onto her hand, then shut the door behind us, watching Bella turn on the water, and after a few seconds she stepped inside, followed with me behind her.

I was silent, thinking to myself, still blocking those memories, and instead I watched her, taking her hands from her sides and pulled them around my neck.

"If you ever want to talk about it, I hope you know I'm here." She told me, kissing the skin by my ear.

"Yeah, I know." I nodded, pulling her closer, feeling the hot water against my back.

But I wouldn't.

_____________

*Bella*

1:32 PM

"Hi honey," Mom smiled, and Justin let go of me, walking over to her and helped her with the bags in her hands. "Thank you."

"Sure."

"Did you go to the market?"

"Yeah, I'm glad I went when I did. It's horrible outside." She answered.

"It poured on us outside." I laughed, going over to the bags on the counter where Justin had sat them and started to put them away.

"Thanks Justin." She chirped, smiling as she sat the last bag if hers on the counter.

"No problem."

"Your father called again." She told me, pulling out apples from a bag. "He wants to talk to you."

"No." I said flatly, helping them put things away. "If I wanted to talk to him I would have answered his phone calls."

"He feels bad."

"Good, he should feel bad."

"Just talk to him Izzy."

"And say what Mom?" I raised an eyebrow, feeling Justin's gaze on us. "Everything was said before I left."

"All you have to do is listen."

"I don't know." I sighed, biting down on my lip and stopped what I was doing, crossing my arms over my chest. "It might just make things worse."

"You never know." She shrugged, putting away the last grocery. "Thanks again guys."

"You're welcome."


I left the kitchen, running away before Justin could get to me and went up the stairs into his bedroom.

"Yeah," Justin nodded as he came in, his phone held up to his ear. "I know. Still? We'll be back in two weeks. Hunter- I know! I have to go. Yeah, yeah. Bye."

"What was that about?" I asked, folding up my legs like a pretzel.

"Nothing."

"Justin, you're going to do that now? Really?"

"Don't worry about it."

"I am because then you'll be like this all night, so what is wrong?"

"It's fine Bella!"

"Fine."

I had forgotten why I had come up there, but it didn't matter because I left, scooping up my phone and dialed Dad's number.

"Bella?" He answered, and I swallowed, walking over to the window and looked outside.

"Hi Dad."

"How are you? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," I bit down on my lip, rocking on the balls of my feet. "I just wanted you to hear that from me I guess - Mom said something about you wanting to talk to me."

"I understand. We miss you here. It's quiet."

"Yeah, right." I rolled my eyes, pursing my lips as I looked out the window.

It was silent on the other end, my throat tightening at the sound.

"Bella, I need to tell you something."

"Look, I know what I did didn't make you happy, and I'm sorry about that, but I'm not sorry I left with him. I love him, he loves me, and since we couldn't be together there, we came here. You don't know him like I do."

"I know," He paused, while my mouth hung open from his response. "Bella, I'm dropping out of the race."

"You're what?!"

"You're right. I'm not home. I needed to be. Especially for your senior year, and I missed that. I'll never get it back. I'm so sorry."

"D-Dad," I was close to tears, feeling a pair of hands on my waist, which I automatically knew as Justin's.

"I really miss you, and I'm so sorry it got to the point where you felt like you had to run away to escape me. Of course I would never ever want you dead. You're my baby girl. I didn't mean what I said that night. I know he was there for you. If he makes you this happy, you deserve to be with him."

"He does."

Justin's arms tightened around me, then sweetly pressed his lips against my cheek.

"Are you going to come home? At all? I'm so sorry Isabelle."

"W-we're coming home next weekend." Justin's hands moved along my sides, making me stutter as I spoke. "I'm not sure when exactly though."

"I'll talk to you before then, right?"

"Yeah, I'll call."

"Ok, then have a nice time. Maybe Justin can come over for dinner when you get back."

"I'd like that, so would he."

"Ok, well I love you Bella."

"I love you too Dad."

I hung up, walking away from Justin and into the kitchen where my mom was.

"Hey, would you like to go out with me for a bit tomorrow?"

"Sure, how early?"

"A little before lunch," She laughed, looking up from the rest of the groceries. "Why?"

"I like sleep."

"I know you do. You won't have to wake up early. I promise. We'll leave at ten, go grab lunch and do some shopping. You think Justin'll be ok?"

"You kidding? He'll be asleep the whole time we're gone."

"If you say so. Do you want to order some pizza for dinner?"

"Sure, Papa John's...right?"

"Yeah, do you want cheese?"

"Mhm. I'll go ask Justin what he wants."

I skipped off back through the hall, looking out for Justin, then I went back to our room, knocking on the door and then opened it up, looking at him sat on the edge of the bed.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, sitting down beside him.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Justin," I sighed, holding his chin between my thumb and pointer finger. "Stop doing that. Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm just sick of having to deal this shit all the time. You being afraid, me getting angry just because you want to know what's going on."

"I don't mean to be nosey."

"I know, but everything is fine."

"You're sure?" I reached up to his damp hair, his head resting on my shoulder as he nodded. "What do you want on your pizza?"

"We're getting pizza?"

"Yeah, I like cheese."

"Can I have pepperoni?"

"Sure baby, will you come downstairs?"

"Yeah." He chuckled, holding onto my hand and walked with me downstairs.

"Just half pepperoni." I said to my mom, peeking into the kitchen before we went into the living room.

"Kay!"


We sat down, his arms pulling me back in between his legs, letting his fingers fall through mine.

"No more beach tonight." He murmured in my ear, kissing the skin afterwards. "I'm going to have to stay inside and cuddle with you."

"I don't have a problem with that," I giggled, meeting his lips for just a few seconds before my mom came in.

"Should we watch a movie?" She asked, sitting down in the opposite side of the couch.

"You're going to kill me with a chicflic huh?" Justin teased, once again hugging my waist tighter in his arms.

"No," I shook my head, tilting it up to look at him. "Jason Bourne."

"Oh yes! I love those movies!"

"I love your mom." He chuckled, pushing my hair over to one shoulder.

"Me too." I laughed with him, lifting up my head and kissed his cheek.

_______________

*Justin*

6:17 PM


"Look, it's you." Bella teased, nodding her head to the tv as Matt Damon jumped across a few buildings.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is! But you're more badass." She whispered in my ear so her mom wouldn't hear.

"I'm probably better at a lot of things." I whispered back.

"Stop it!" She blushed, ducking her head into my neck.

"True story."

"Sometimes I hate you."

"But then you realize you love me and all is right with the world."

"Yes I do."

She hugged herself against my chest, her mom's laughter filling the room, and the only reason I noticed was because Bella was laughing with her, hiding her face.

"You already know I'm better though." I widened my grin, slowly lsiding my hands down farther past her waist and to her hips, giving them a slight squeeze in my palms.

"I swear if you keep talking, I'm not even going to kiss you."

"I don't like that."

"Maybe I just shouldn't kiss you till you're done smoking."

"That's not fair."

"Yes it is. When you're done smoking we can kiss all you want."

"We'll talk about this later." I said firmly, eyeing her ear a few inches from my mouth, but I just relaxed farther into the cushions, moving my hands along her back under the covers, keeping myself warm - while trying to change her mind about those cigarettes.