Chapter 5: Midnight

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Arnav missed her. The longing that had welled up inside him during Nani's phone call had grown until he felt tight, frayed at the edges. Something had slowly uncoiled inside him over the hours, until he was dangerously restless and edgy.

Mamma.

He snatched his car keys from the table and headed out. Twenty minutes later, Arnav was sitting in the middle of his mother's garden. He told her about Di and Nani's reactions, about Mami's accusations, about Payal's fears. He asked for her blessings for the following day.

And finally, Arnav turned his attention to the fear that had plagued him since he'd given Khushi the diamond she wore around her neck. That, no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to keep his promise to never wrong her again.

He watched the night sky.

You know what I'm like, Mamma. I don't think clearly when I'm angry. I only realise what I've said or done when it's too late. What if ... what if I say something I can't take back? I've come so close to losing her because of my anger ... what if ... one day ...

Mamma had taught him everything he knew about patience and calm, and tonight, he felt the gaping hole she'd left inside him acutely. Di and Nani did everything they could to fill it, but it was always there.

You would love Khushi. She's cute, funny, and clever. She's the most selfless person I know. She's beautiful ... and a little crazy. But I love her. She's ... she's home, Mamma. I wish you could meet her.

Arnav smiled as he imagined them together – his mother gifting Khushi her bangles and welcoming Khushi into their home, Khushi cooking his mother her favourite meals, the three of them going through old photo albums, and Khushi giggling at the stories that Mamma shared.

I'll bring her here after the wedding. I think she'll love it.

Arnav returned to his car, feeling infinitely calmer than when he'd arrived. He was planning to return to Shantivan, but somehow found himself turning towards Laxmi Nagar. It was almost midnight when he parked in front of Khushi's house.

All the lights in her Bua-ji's home were out. He stepped out of the car and climbed the steps to the porch, stopping at the biggest living room window. Luckily, it swung open at the lightest of touches. Arnav glanced around to make sure he was unobserved and then hauled himself inside, landing quietly on the other side. He tiptoed his way across the house and let himself into Khushi's room.

Moonlight streamed in through the window, falling on her as she slept. She cradled a pillow in her arms. Khushi had called him on the night of Aakash and Payal's wedding, in tears, saying that she didn't know how to sleep without Payal. They'd shared a room and a bed since she was eight. He'd spent hours talking to her until she fell asleep, exhausted by her long day.

Now that he was here, Arnav realized that he didn't know how to wake Khushi without scaring her. But he was saved the trouble when she opened her eyes of her own accord, blinking at him before smiling and rolling onto her other side.

And then she sat up in the bed with a loud gasp, the bed sheets clutched around her as if to hide herself.

"What are you doing here?"

"I missed you," he said simply, shrugging.

She didn't immediately know what to make of him, leaning against the desk in her room at midnight. It wasn't much different from when he'd snuck in to wish her a happy new year, he'd assumed, but something in Khushi's eyes suggested that it was.

She slid out of bed, dragging the blanket with her, and approached. When she was close enough, she stood on her toes to kiss his cheek.

"Are you alright?" she asked, surprising him.

Arnav looked away briefly, and then met her eyes.

"Everything today ... I thought of my mother. She used to talk about my wedding all the time, especially in the lead up to Di's wedding."

Khushi slipped her arms around his waist, wrapping them both in the blanket, and held tightly. He let himself relax against her, savouring her warmth and the comfort she offered.

They stayed like that, inside a moment frozen in time, until Khushi squirmed against him. Arnav let go but she didn't move away. Instead, she held his gaze as she let the blanket drop to the floor before returning her hands to his waist. He watched, breathless, as she slid them up, over his abdomen, his chest, his shoulders, down his arms, and then linked their fingers. Khushi stretched, standing on her toes to press her lips to his.

But when she retreated, he followed, capturing her lips again. Their hands untwined. His found her hair, twisting in it as he held her close, and hers splayed across his back. He groaned when she slid her tongue across his lips, encouraging him to deepen their kiss, and he obliged her. He was lost, lost in her, her scent, her closeness, and his only thought was to get closer.

Arnav gripped Khushi's waist and lifted her up, frustrated with the angle of the kiss, and was surprised when she automatically wrapped her legs around him. They froze. The only sound in the room was their own ragged breathing,

Shit.

It was in moments like these that he felt it most keenly.

I am not worthy of her. I always want. More than she can give.

"Khushi ..." he whispered, watching her warily.

She didn't look at him as she climbed down, and then she was standing a foot away, her eyes wide and her body trembling. Khushi brought her fingers to her lips, as though she could still feel their kiss there. When she didn't back away, he gathered her up in his arms.

"Are you okay, baby?"

"I'm fine ... I was just ... surprised."

Relieved that she wasn't afraid or regretful, Arnav sat on the chair next to him and pulled her onto his lap. Khushi held him tightly.

"Maybe I should go," he murmured into her hair.

"No. Stay. Just ... a little while longer."

He pressed a soft kiss to her neck, relishing the way her fingers dug into his shoulders. Her eyes closed and she traced fire on the back of his neck, along his jaw, down his neck and inside the collar of his shirt, before dipping lower, stopping only when they hit the barrier the closed buttons formed. She drew small circles on that triangle of exposed skin while the thumb of her other hand swept across his mouth.

"Khushi."

Her name came out like a plea, but he didn't know what he was asking for. Everything about this moment felt dangerous and charged. Khushi trembled in his arms, deliciously needy.

It took a number of deep breaths before his pulse slowed. She looked at him, her expression full of trust, as he stood and carried her to her bed. Arnav covered her with a blanket and kissed her softly.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well."

He let himself out of the same window he'd used earlier, and headed for home.

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