Lessons On Kissing Guys (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 16

*A/N: Slight trigger warning in the chapter! Only brief and not graphic or anything but just putting it out there. Enjoy reading! And thank you for your support. :)*

I don't know why I'm awake. Since midnight, I've been trying to get to sleep. I think I may have even managed for a minute or two, but for some reason my head is completely alive with thoughts and words that I wish I never had to know the meaning of. Or one word, I guess. Love.

Because love is the way he smiles at me when I walk into the kitchen at one in the afternoon because I slept in late, and the way my head feels like it might explode when I'm around him because it's as if he's finally allowing me to feel everything I forbid myself from feeling before. It's the way his arms wrapped around me this evening after dinner and told me he cared. It was nothing more than that. Just a hug. But I felt safe. Love is safety. It's not giving two shits if you sound cheesy, and being willing to hold his hand in public (and I may not have done that yet, but love can be gradual sometimes). For fuck sake, this is love and it's tearing me apart that I can't just spit out that I love him, but what if he doesn't love me and love ends up tearing us both apart. I'd much prefer for it to tear me apart, instead of the both of us.

Love, love, love, love, love. I want to get it out of my head so that I can get to sleep for one goddamn second but I feel like I won't be able to rest knowing he's not in this same room with me.

Giving up on the idea of sleep, I get up and walk into the hallway. I must be at least a little tired, as I immediately end up knocking over a vase I'd never realised was there. Well, shit. Let's just hope Blair's a heavy sleeper (but I know he's not, so let's just hope he slept through that). 

And as luck would have it, only a moment later, Blair wonders into the hallway, looking as if he's just been awoken by a vase smashing which, believe it or not, he has. He doesn't look angry, although I'm guessing that's because he isn't really comprehending the whole thing in his half-asleep state. He just looks bewildered.

"Uhm, was just… walking… couldn't sleep." It sounds more like a question, as I scratch the back of my neck sheepishly, attempting a smile.

"What's going on?" 

Maybe I should just keep quiet in the future, so that my tone doesn't give away the fact that I broke a vase (although hopefully, this won't happen again, but who knows). "Nothing, just walking, like I said. Actually, could I come to your room? I can't sleep and-" I cut myself off, not really sure what I'm supposed to continue with.

"Want me to help you rest, huh?" I can only just make out his lips forming a smile in the shadows of the hallway. Or maybe it's more of a smirk. Either way, I walk up to him and take his hand, letting him guide me into his room. "We'll be talking about that vase tomorrow." His lips almost brush against my ears as he whispers the words. Well, I was hoping he'd not noticed, but at least he's not mad. Not now, anyway.

He leads me to the bed, laying down before I do. I take off my trousers, leaving myself boxer-clad before I slide under the covers. We're facing each other, and I can't help but watch his deep breaths, wondering whether he's really asleep already. I've never known someone who can fall asleep as soon as their head hit the pillow. Always wished I could, though.

"Blair."

"Stop staring at me."

His eyes open, and even in the darkness, it's as if they have some sort of glimmer to them. I reach out, playing my hand on his cheek, and tracing his smile. Neither of us speak for a moment. The silence is think in the air, and I know even the slightest sound would be heard so easily that I'm afraid to breathe, to ruin the silence.