Played By My Best Friend

Chapter 8

I didn't understand that what I was feeling was justifiable.

Suddenly, my phone vibrated beside me.

The funny thing about me and my hallucinations was despite falling for it for so many times and getting disappointed countlessly, I still continued to fall for it without missing a beat.

But this time, the vibration was real.

A: Hi

E: Long time no talk.

A: Yeah

E: What've you been up to?

A: Nothing much.

A: You?

E: Nothing

A: Oh

I didn't know what to reply that with or what to ask.

I didn't even know what I was thinking when I started this chat.

Oh wait, I didn't think.

Deciding to cut to the chase, I quickly typed up what I wanted to know.

E: There's actually something I'd like to ask you.

A: Yeah?

For some reason, the car's temperature seemed to have dropped and my whole body started shivering and trembling. I dropped my phone on my lap from how bad my hand was trembling. I bit my lip and gritted my teeth to stop them from chattering.

I didn't know why I was reacting so strongly towards the situation but I could only guess that it was because of my fears.

I've been clinging onto our memories and I knew that asking this question would be like cutting off the rope that I had been hanging onto.

But this was necessary.

Even I could tell that my mental health wasn't at its best anymore.

I needed to fix myself and this was step one.

I clasped my hands together and breathed slowly whilst closing my eyes.

Once I've slightly calmed down, I started typing again.

E: Why do you think we stopped being close?

I typed up an explanation for my question but stopped myself before I could send it.

No, I'm asking to know what he thinks, period.

Nothing more, nothing less.

It's been 3 years since we last confided in each other about anything.

It took me more or less the span of that 3 years to come to terms with the fact that my best friend wasn't there anymore, that we've both changed and that we can never be the same people ever again.

That doesn't mean that we weren't friends. We talk to each other, small talks, greetings. We were on good terms.

But I'm not going to be stupid enough to hope for a reconciliation.

It took 5 minutes before Alex finally gave me a reply.

A: I don't know, Em. We just didn't connect anymore.

I read his reply.

Despite building up my resolve, despite telling myself that I'm not hoping for us to be close friends again, sadness still crept in and took over my emotions.

I guess feeling sad was inevitable.

E: Yeah, I guess so.

E: I just wanted to ask that and say thank you.

E: Thank you for the memories, I had fun.

I hesitated before typing up the following text.

E: Though I doubt that you remembered them, I'll always remember that I beat you in that showering contest we had.

At the same time that my text was sent, his reply came in.

A: Like that showering contest we had.

I was too shocked at what he had written that I couldn't take my words back.

A: What do you mean you doubt that I remembered? Of course I remembered!

I cracked a smile at the text that showed his stubborn and prideful streak.

Over the past 3 years, as the memories of our old friendship tormented me, I'd often wonder if he still thinks about them too from time to time.

Of course the frequency of how much I had wondered about it lessened with time. After the 2 year mark, I've come to accept that there was no such thing as turning back time; I've come to terms with the fact that I should only look forward from now on.

Despite the wistfulness that came with Alex's reply on why he thought our friendship had ended, I was grateful that I got an answer to the few things that have been looming over me for so long.

So that's why our friendship ended, in his perspective.

Ah, so he does remember the memories that our friendship had left us with.

I'm content with simply knowing those 2 things.

I can finally choose to remember the funny, sweet and endearing memories that our friendship gave us instead of the pain of its ending.

And that trade-off became my saving grace.

~~~~~

Sorry for the short chapter, guys.

We have 2 chapters remaining. I really hope I can pull off the emotions I'm aiming for.

I'll see you on the next chapter,

Love you <3

-J