Freak Week: Chapter 4: A Case for Lace

Chapter 4: A Case for Lace

Dear Robot Diary,

Today didn't go well.

"I'M TALKING TO YOU, RED!" Harry yelled, smashing his delicate hand against the cold, hard grain of the wooden table.

Marmie gave a look to Banana, then returned her gaze to the jock.

"I KNOW YOU DID IT! AND I HAVE THE EVIDENCE TO PROVE IT!" Harry spat, almost foaming at the mouth.

Marmie refused to respond.

"DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?"

"Um... yeah? We're literally playing Hint: The Board Game," Marmie spoke slowly.

"I got you now, Marmie – if that even is your real name!" Harry said, crossing his arms.

"No... It's Marmalade." Marmie's eyebrows furrowed tight.

"BANKER! I would like to buy a hotel." Did Harry just use a British accent?

"Wrong game, Harry!" Banana cried out.

"UGH! I'm sick of you idiots ruining EVERYTHING!" Harry flipped the board over, metal pieces flying everywhere, and that's when it happened.

It stopped.

Gravity stopped. Colonel Mayonnaise and Professor Grapefruit gently floated passed my face.

"Did I do that?" Harry whispered (and it was weirdly nasally).

"Oh, no, no, no, my small-minded friend! That was Mother Nature," Jim corrected. "It appears gravity has... well, disappeared. We'll be weightless for some time, I assume."

Marmie floated to a near-by mirror before saying, "So, I can finally eat carbs again?"

"No, that's not how it works. You see – mass remains constant, so when the force of gravity shifts – say from Earth's 9.807 meters per second squared to a much lower pull – say, to a point of zero-g, which, of course, is zero g-force and NOT – quote, unquote – zero gravity, because we ALL know small amounts of gravity exists everywhere, making that term just RIDICULOUS – it's not possible, it's like absolute zero –" Do I really need to write who said that, Robot Diary? Jim is mad.

"What Jim is trying to say," Banana interrupted, "is that you are beautiful just the way you are, and you shouldn't have to hold yourself to insane beauty standards perpetuated by our society. You are most attractive when you are you."

Marmie and Banana went for a zero gravity – I MEAN ZERO-G – best friend hug.

Sorry, RD – I'm getting ahead of myself. First: yesterday.

It was a cold, dark night – our group was huddled around a dwindling fire. The rain tapping against the windows echoed out guilty... guilty... guilty... Okay, the fire pit was actually a Halloween decoration left here last October, and our bunker didn't have windows... and it wasn't raining. Sorry! I'm just trying to spice things up, RD!

Oh, hang on, Robo D, Jim is here.

/// <terminate command 'diary'>

/// <commence recording>

[@] What's up, Jim?

[&] Lace, you have to stop using your tablet now. I have been extremely clear with you. There's a hacker among us. The longer you're on that tablet, the more dangerous it gets. You need to get rid of it.

[@] Jim, mom gave me that tablet for my birthday last year. I'm not going to throw it away.

[&] Fine.... Just... What are you even using it for? You're on that thing all the time!