Nothing to Gain (Watty Awards 2013)

Chapter Twenty Five: A Vicious Cycle

There was something else that rose up inside me that day, and this thing was the reason I refused to wake up.  I couldn't tell Primrose, she wasn't the one destined to become a monster, forced to live in solitude feeding on my own kind to prolong my life, and for what?

"Change is not a bad thing," Primrose said when I didn't say anything else.

I shook my head disagreeing with her. "Change is always a bad thing when it comes to me." I said feeling my heart beating as I thought about my realization with Dahaka. Even if I didn't become like him there was worse fate waiting for me, and this I knew from the bottom of my shattered heart.

Primrose watched me for a long time and when I didn't answer she frowned. "Why did you go through all the trouble just to block me from coming here?" I averted my eyes from hers and looked up at the gloomy and bleak sky. She waited for me not saying anything. I bite my lip and spoke in a small and broken voice.

"You should have let me die." I told her flatly.

“Primula -" she begin to say but I cut her off.

"My story was over Primrose. I was finished; I had finally accepted my fate. We were going to be together and happy for all eternity, but you forced me into a world that has..." I stopped tears rolling down my cheek as the sky opened and rain begins to pull down. The sky was also crying along with me.

"...a world that has what?" Primrose asked but I didn't answer her. She gazed at me for a while and whimpered. "You are angry with me. I'm so sorry; I just didn't want your life to end like that. You had a story and the world needed to know what it cost. And that story is not over yet.” She pleaded with me.

I know I shouldn’t be angry with her and I wasn’t. I was just done, tired and broken. She left me in a world all on my own with no idea what my fate would be. When I didn’t respond, she bowed her furry fox head and got up to leave apologizing dejectedly as she walked away.

“Wait,” I called after her. She turned around gazing at me sadly.

“What are the shadows really after?” I asked and she spoke in my head before disappearing.

Purgatory

I furrowed my brow, she has said that before but I don’t understand. I’ve never heard of purgatory so I had no idea what to make of it.

I suppose I should wake up, but I was so afraid. I didn’t want to go back to them. My journey with them allowed me to see how truly kind all of them really were which had me questioning everything I represented. If they were that nice, why was I treated like that? Did I deserve everything that happened to me? Were they right in abusing me, I mean more than 500 people couldn’t come together to treat a single person horrible without a solid reason, right?

Thinking about Dahaka, he was just like me but in the end his fate was just as tragic as the beginning. Was that my only fate? Was I destined for failure no matter how horrible my life was?

With the last string of my heart snapping, I forced myself to wake up, leaving the security of my dream world to a place where only pain and hurt was waiting for me. I felt traitorous tears spilling down my cheek as I opened my eyes gazing up at his beautiful bluish green eyes that were staring at me with pain in their dept. 

His eyes softened as he gazed into mine. I closed my eyes wanting to hide from the world, from him, them, everyone but I knew my wish would never be fulfilled.

“Hey, you’re up,” he spoke softly. I opened my eyes staring at his face. He truly was beautiful and it hurt to know I missed out on that. I tried to get up, and he helped me. He hugged me to his chest putting his lips to my ear, whispering “are you okay?” I sighed nodded not hugging him back.