Valkyrie Rising ✓

Chapter Nineteen

I sigh and pass my apple back and forth between my hands. "She's my new roommate." I hesitate a moment. "And she's got a thing for Kaz."

Eveia scrutinizes me; I can feel her eyes drilling into the side of my head but don't look at her.

"Good thing you don't have any feelings for him, huh?" she says.

When I do look over, she's wearing a self-satisfied smile. I'm glad to see she's back to normal now that the attention is off her.

"I don't know what my feelings are, okay?" I lean back against the armrest and face her, sitting cross-legged. "I'm not used to questioning all these different emotions. I'm not used to having these emotions. All I know is Kaz is sweet, and I do like being around him." I repeat what I'd told her earlier, this time emphasizing the feelings behind the words. Then I add, "And I hate the thought of Caither being anywhere near him."

Eveia's smile has become so smug I want to punch her. "I knew it! You totally like him."

"There's just no physical reason to find him attractive."

Eveia gives me a look like she wants to hit me, so I rush on. "He's not Viry. I'm not trying to be rude or vain, but I am Viry and he does not fit the standard I've been taught to appreciate. So I don't understand why I can't stop thinking about him"

Eveia rolls her eyes. "You are such a snob." She picks up the remote for the TV. "Don't fight it; if there are feelings, they're there for a reason."

"Who's got feelings now?" Wick is standing right behind the couch, Caither and Kaz on either side of him. "We all know Eveia does; can we handle any more revelations?"

Eveia whips around, kneeling on the cushion, and points across the room. "Go sit over there."

Wick grins over his shoulder at Caither. "My point exactly." He jerks his thumb at Eveia. "This girl, eh? Sunshine and daisies, all day, every day." His smile when he turns back to Eveia is so soft, I'm not sure if I want to cry or vomit. I can tell he's glad their secret is out, though.

They ignore Eveia and move around the couch. Caither scoots in between Eveia and me. Wick sprawls at Eveia's feet, a dangerous choice in my opinion. Kaz perches tentatively on the armrest beside me.

"Don't tell me Nadia's got feelings, too?" His voice is quiet, somewhat teasing, but holds something else, too. Maybe it's just my wishful thinking, trying to detect hope.

"Nope," Eveia says. "Nadia's as cold as a dead body." She winks at Kaz. "Maybe she needs someone to warm her up."

I shake my head and stare at the TV even as my cheeks warm.

"Maybe Briar could help with that," Caither suggests, out of nowhere.

Wick pushes off the couch to stare at Caither. "Wait, really? Kaz and I have been saying there's got to be something going on. Is something going on?"

"There is nothing going on with Briar," I practically yell. I can feel Kaz's eyes on me; I wonder if he believes me.

"You were awfully defensive of him earlier." Caither blinks at me innocently. She must have Viry blood, because her facial manipulation is masterful.

"I said he was organized."

"And that you liked him." She smirks triumphantly.

This will be a long two weeks. My bruised elbow is throbbing from my clenched fist.

"Nadia likes all her instructors." Eveia rescues me. "She's a goody two-shoes. She liked Hejae, too."

"Well, Hejae's a dreamboat, isn't he?" Caither won't drop the subject. "Briar, too. He could definitely have Viry parents."

I'm afraid of where she might go with this. Eveia's accusations are one thing, but—.

"I'm sure your standards would be pretty in line with the Viry, so it makes sense you'd be attracted to those guys."

I clench my jaw, ignoring the tugging pain in my cheek. Emphasis: not Kaz. If there were any doubts about my potential feelings for him, I'm sure they're heightened now. Caither made sure to paint me as the shallow Viry I'd just finished telling Eveia I might still be.

"Well, I guess you've got me all figured out." I don't want to be here, sitting beside the girl I'm stuck with for at least the next two weeks, pretending I'm not bothered by this conversation, that I'm not completely confused about my life right now. I stand. "I need some air."

I go down to the rocky beach. The salty wind tangles my hair, and the waves sound so calming even as they smash against the cliffs, I decide this is my place. I haven't seen anyone else down here; maybe no one else knows about it.

Except Kaz, but I don't mind sharing my place with him. A frustrated breath pushes through my lips. I don't know what I want, or how I feel, or what any of this even means. This isn't my world; I don't assess my wants for a Partner, contemplate the way this person or that makes me feel.

It's complicated and exhausting and I don't want to do it anymore. I rest my chin on my knees and stare out at the water.

"I would have thought she'd be up here." Eveia's voice travels down to me from the pool deck.

"Maybe she went to the cave mouth, down to the trail?" Wick answers.

They don't know about this place.

"Hey, you guys go ahead. I'll catch up." Kaz's voice.

I listen for more, but the voices must have left. Then I hear scattering pebbles and mumbled oaths.

"Figured you'd be down here," Kaz says as he steps onto my rock. I turn my head over my shoulder, but otherwise don't move from my position.

"Why didn't you tell the others?"

He shrugs and slides his hands into the pockets of his shorts. "Figured it was your call if you want everyone to know about this place."

I turn back to the ocean. "Thanks."

There is another example of his thoughtfulness. And Eveia was offended when I called him sweet.

He crouches next to me, but not quite as close to the edge. The position defines his calf muscles, his toned forearms resting across his knees. He picks up a pebble from the rock face, turns it over and over between his strong fingers.

"Do you like Caither?" The question bursts from me before I have a chance to think it through.

He laughs, a short breath of a sound. "I don't know Caither." He's still looking at the stone in his hands. "But if I'm basing it on the physical, I guess she's alright." He pushes up to stand. "She's no Viry, but you can't set your standards too high out here."

Kaz throws the rock off the cliff. We watch it plop into the ocean, any ripples it may have made lost to the current.

His comment stings. "Have you ever realized everything you've ever known, everything you've ever been taught, might be wrong?" I squint up at him, trying to block out the sun.

He crosses his arms, then kicks some residual pebbles around under his foot.

"No, I guess not."

I squeeze my legs tighter and turn my gaze back out to sea. "Don't judge me so harshly. I'm doing the best I can to assimilate. I'm sorry I can't just turn off a lifetime of teachings in the flick of a switch." I look at him. He's watching me with a kind of apologetic smile. "But I'm trying, okay?"

His grin widens and he looks down, then nods. "I guess I can handle that."

Some sort of deeper understanding passes between us. I'm relieved we're okay again. The walls between us somehow made me feel completely lost.

"I should probably head back, or they'll figure out I stayed up here," he says. "You coming too?"

"I'll probably just see you at dinner."

"Save you a seat." Kaz grins, and I return the smile.

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Hope you enjoy xx

Til next time,

x zuz