Pay attention to how the light flicker into different colours. The strength of that one beautiful spark can cause such destruction.
How amazing can anything be more than fire?
Impossible!!
Nothing is more amazing than fire.
The way it dance along the small brushes of wind. So tempting. So seductive.
I know it's going to hurt if I touch it. I touch it anyway. The smell of burnt skin tickled the baby hairs on my neck, a chill down my spine.
Hair!!
An idea pops out and before I know it. I start burning little strands of hair and the essence of it became so addicting I wished to inhale more of it.
A small fire is never enough. Paper burns out too quickly. The paper I burned scrunches into a black ball of ash that makes me want to blow it away and pretend they're black snow flakes.
They do look like black snow flakes.
Then I find myself trotting down the back of my house, just where dirt meets golden sand.
Dead leaves. Dead leaves. More leaves and cardboard boxes and worn out clothes and some timber from the crumbled up fort my uncle built ages ago.
I sneak back into the house where my grandpa lay sleeping. Recovering from last night's party, even at the age of 56, he still has it all, the girls and the beers and countless of hangovers.
As if it knows I'm searching, the head of the match peeked out of my grandpa's pocket. Those many tiny little sticks and the tempting red at the top I just can't wait to engulf into flame.
I run back out as fast as my little feet can take me. My heart starts to race in anticipation when I held the match at my fingertips. With one little flick, a baby fire is born.
Slowly...Slowly ... I place the match between leaves and many other dead trash. It starts slow then it begins to grow. Gently growing...so small it looks fragile.
Desperate to keep it alive, I feed it with more leaves, blocking the wind with my body as I whisper my demands to it. "Little little... slower...I said slower... grow please grow faster faster now... more omg!! more!!... no... slow down a bit... no faster... wait.. .yes ... grow"
A thought plays into mind and I hurry up into the garage. Back outside I scurry off with a litre of kerosene in my arms. Then I start pouring it around the cluster, making a circle as I go, giggling to myself all the way.
I feel so happy but not yet satisfied. I want more. My knees start to shake and I can't decide whether it's because I know for a fact that I'm going to get whipped for this... or the fact that I have created the most beautiful fire in the history of fire starters.
The colourful rays, the embers like fireflies, like curtains of volcanic lava, waves of flaming rainbows , Pheonix wings or better yet... My very own Aurora borealis.
I'm in love.
My heart wells up in admiration and tears overflow like waterfall down my cheeks.
I start to jump up and down cheering, dancing along side my own camp fire. I step on a burnt wood by accident, screaming in pain but then it just as fast, subsided since I am too excited to wallow in pain.
I feed it with whatever I can find.
Plastic bags. Coconut leaves. Rags. Grasses. Papers. Boxes. Shoes.
Then my fire crawls out of the circle and onto the small bushes then onto the banana trees. I imagine how the bananas would taste like BBQ'd.
Then for some reason, I find myself throwing my uncle's pillow into the fire. Watching it bathe into flame, I so wish to join, but I am not done yet.
Playing superman, my other uncle's blanket wraps around me as my own super hero cape before it catches into flames and I abandon ship.
I later on find myself dragging my aunt's portable folded single bed. I start debating whether I should use the bed and skii over my camp fire. One voice screamed JUMP!!
...but another screamed STAY PUT!!
So I end up throwing the bed into the fiery pit while I stand and watch in awe. I sit down a metre from it, I feel it burning me. Eating away my skin little by little. It stings at first but then I get used to it. My legs turning a shade of pink as time passes by and the fire crawls in closer.
I watch as it comes near. I tear the hem of my skirt, using it to provoke the fire into coming closer.
I clear my space with nothing left but pebbles and seashells where I sit and wait. The fire slowly surrounds me, trapping me at the centre. It hasn't touched me yet but it still burns.
My cheeks start to swell up in pain and my eyes water against the overwhelming heat.
I stay put and look up at the sky. I barely see it, the fire grows tall and wide. The wind carries it from one spot to another. I smile at it. It feels like it's speaking to me, to join in.
How beautiful are the objects in flaming red, blue and orange. I wonder if I will be as beautiful and bright as the fiery timbers.
It starts to dig into my skin at a faster pace, finding its way deep into my scalp. Only a few centimetres away from me yet I already feel the strength of it all. My teeth clatters in a panic as I look for an escape route.
It's too late.
I'm already surrounded.
The fire makes a rumbling sound to catch my attention. It dance sweetly close to my feet, beckoning me to dance along with and waltz in. The hem of my shirt catches fire, slowly sneaking it's way towards my body.
"YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!"
I turn back just in time to see the oldest of my many uncles, charging through the layers of fire.
In a matter of seconds, he reaches downwards, picking me up with ease and wrapping the two of us together in a thick black coat.
He charges back with incredible speed, my eyes wide with amazement as I stare at his profile.
He is simply majestic. Breaking through the fire without trouble and as if with his command, the fire bows down to his feet and obeys his will.
Once free, he scans my body like a hawk for scars, scratches, burns. He kneels in front me, his mouth forming thousands of words but I can't hear it.
I can't hear anything.
All I keep thinking about is... My uncle is a hero.
I steal a glance over his shoulder to see my other uncles at war against the menace I created. It is then I finally notice, the fire engines at our front yard and the garage up in flames.
I still think it beautiful.
But now I know it's beautiful and Dangerous
A cold rush comes over me. I feel as if something or someone just left my body and the heaviest of weight has been lifted off along with it.
My legs weaken and I fall onto my uncle's arms. His body shakes uncontrollably against my own, my neck soon wet with his tears. I start to cry along with him for no reason whatsoever.
I start crying because... well... uhh... I have no idea. I just feel like crying.
My skin aches all over. Some of my flesh looks torn or scraped. Looking at myself in the mirror, I know now that I won't be beautiful catching on fire. Since right now I look like a skinned tomato. It will take a while for my skin to heal but on the condition that it will now be sensitive to light.
But deep inside me... I still fantasize the day of my death and I wish to be cremated.
