pastel prince

Chapter one

I put my ribbons down, I was currently in the back part of 'Lindsay's lillies' a flower shop in west London, tying bows around bouquets of roses and other beautiful petalled plants, my hands ached and my fingers were numb. I had only recently started working there the week after the disaster that was my 16th birthday and had had to start at the very bottom, occasionally talking to customers and persuading them to buy  flowers that I had designed the packaging for, obviously I didn't speak so I used a talking app on my phone, clearly I was only used in emergencies when no one else was on or willing to do extra time.
I really fit into the aesthetic of the shop, with my pastel jumpers or white shirt paired with my flower crowns. I only wore my jumpers on after I left the house, along with my flowery head gear because my friend, Lisa got me them because it's what I wanted to wear, but my mum would disagree strongly so I only showed my true, gay as fuck, self in public.
I haven't told my mum wear I work but she couldn't care less. I was just another human in her eyes unless I stepped out of line. Then I would fucking know about it.
I tidied my ribbons away and stepped out of the tiny work room and passed some of my co workers, without consideration of others, I sign out and walk into the cold autumn air, as October was coming to an end. I walk into the building two streets down and slip in, it's a small hipster cafe with fandom posters everywhere, and my fellow nerds. It was 9:30pm on a Wednesday so all the fan girls and fanboys rejoiced, to discuss this week in the fan universe, the gathering was never made official, just 7-8 people sitting around 3 tables. I heard small sentence thrown around consisting of 'Malec and destiel' I form an opinion but obviously can't voice it and sitdown alone and whip out my phone and go on twitter.
Not being able to talk is one of the shittiest things about being me. I always went unnoticed, and considered rude to strangers for not saying sorry if I bump into them or another of my clumsy doings, and I just got so envious of those born with the underrated, life changing thing that is talking. I only ever went to this place for food or drink since they knew my order so I could just walk in and be served a tea and cheese toastie. I finish my supper and start to walk home, it's to late to catch a bus so I slowly walk for about 30 minutes. I really enjoy long walks, it helps clear my mind and I start day dreaming about my future , my husband and adopted kids, my big dream house with a kitchen for baking, the dream most teen girls want, and me of course!
I reach my house, pondering my future and I open my door to a mess, there is a vase on the floor, smashed and I go into the kitchen to see my my huddled over her laptop, her hair is a mess and she looks stressed to the max. she has her phone pressed against her ear and she is talking to what sounds like my dad on the other end, he left a year ago, as he was interested in other people he was gay. He told us late last year and moved in with his partner, thus explaining my mums immense homophobia. I heard him saying how I should be allowed to visit this weekend, and it is my decision not hers. She senses I'm there and says "fuck off the now Leo talk later this is important" I leave to the sound of a muffled voice from the other end of the call asking my opinion, personally I would love to visit my dad, he is the only one who knows I'm gay and I know I could trust him with the most important yet irrelevant things in life. I go into my room and sit on my double bed with Sherlock-themed sheets and take off my shirt and jeans an go into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I take a moment to look myself over, I wasn't attractive in my eyes, but I did like my hair. After a few minutes of staring at myself, I go into my room and check Instagram and try settle down to sleep, the 2 week holidays had started 3 days ago, and I wasn't ready, and I never will be.