guiding light // thranduil & legolas

[ seven ]

Before I could answer, Legolas said, "Ada is busy, Niniel. How many times do I have to tell you that?" I turned my gaze to Legolas, who would not return his to mine. He pulled Niniel harder, bowing in the process. I wanted to say I will come, but I got tongue tied and unable to speak for myself for reasons I cannot explain.

"I'll save some for you, Ada," Niniel bowed with a sigh, a glum look on her face as she followed her older brother. I stood up as soon as I heard them shut the door. I wanted so bad to reach for my children and caress them in my arms - the Valar knows how much I crave for their warmth. They are my light, my little leaf and my little flower, the very core of my existence - but I was stubborn enough to watch them go - and I know I have lost every chance of bringing Niniel back, or Legolas forgiving me for being too late. This was what I had to relive each night I let myself pass into sleep, and I cannot do much about it but grieve.

I have never felt helpless in my life.

I stayed in the throne room for what felt like hours, pacing, uneasy. I remember much that this was the time I felt most uncomfortable, restless even - the reason, that I have yet to know. I am king, but apparently I was not exempted from feeling ill. I wanted so hard to pull towards my chest my children, but every being of me had used much of its strength to stop me - and it had done a pretty good job at that. The moment I make a even a passing glance at the door to the gardens, my head started to fill with thoughts of not doing it - a weakness I have been trying to overcome since the day I became king - I am too afraid to even show an ounce of compassion even to my own flesh and blood. It's where I get my identifier, really. The Ice King.

The sun started to fall over Mirkwood, and I have to get ready to for dinner with my children. I called a guard and asked (fine, ordered) him to take the children upstairs to clean up for dinner. Legolas is very fond of outdoors (and Niniel follows her big brother everywhere - I even overheard her saying how much she wanted to be like him someday) and unless there is a forcing body to order them around, they would stay out and play.

Sighing, I proceeded to fixing myself and gruntingly went for door to go to the royal chambers, admitting defeat of my own indifference - I figured this was how I acted when this happened, although I could not figure out what happened next. I then let fate do its will and allowed myself be carried by my own body, ever slowly gliding along the halls of the kingdom, wishing for a glimpse of a smiling Niniel and a laughing Legolas.

But my world stopped, my body stopped dead, for what comes next - I heard an ear piercing scream.

And it was not just any scream; it was that of a child's, all pitchy and shrilling, pain evident in every decibel. The next thing I knew I was running to the sound, a hand on the hand of my sword, questions pounding every corner of my brain. There was a large commotion - I could feel it - and everything was back into place.

No.
     No.
           No.

This was it. A deep wound settled into my chest, inflicted yet unseen, for I saw it a thousand times - my own idiocy, my own indifference, my own cowardness - they all came back like a fallen star crashing into land in a velocity that could not be stopped nor altered.

Fallen.
          Star.

Blood did not flow from my chest, but somehow it felt like I was running out of it. I felt my knees weaken, but I continue to run - for this time, maybe this time, I can still save her from them. Maybe this time I am just right on time.

I wanted so hard to shout, to throw my sword to the nearest filthy warg that comes my way - but even then I could not feel my hands work, all my senses locked and gone but the desire to see her eyes full of life once again. I will not loose Niniel, not this time.

So I ran as hard as I could, and when I reached her - the amount of blood splattered gave me every desire to vomit - I did not even see her then, for the next thing I knew, a voice called my name with conviction I have never heard, everything turned black, and just when I opened my eyes, I felt so relieved, so happy, to see her eyes with life again.

She was frowning, face a few meters away from mine. Her head shielded the oncoming rays of sun, and when she pulled away I squinted and took what's left of my shame to sit up. I was back in Tristan's lawn, with Nina by my side.

"I cannot believe Dad let you sleep here until noon," she huffed, standing up. She offered a hand, and with all glory, smiled her best.

"Come, let's go inside. Dad left lunch, and maybe you can tell me what you dreamt about while eating?"

•••

"Legolas told me he is a prince," she started when we were already seated at the dining area eating, "and I guess that makes you... a king."

I nodded. "I am."

She gulped, a bit nervous. "I don't know how to act around a king, so I am sorry-"

I smiled, taking a bite. "Listen, I won't act like one, so you don't try to figure out how to act around one. Is that alright?"

"It is alright."

It's strange how for one second I was too afraid to see her lifeless eyes at me, and yet, this young mortal comes in and places everything back into place. Relief - a word I thought I'd never use. I may have lost a child in my world - but I am thankful Tristan got to keep his. In this world, I might have had a happy ending and for that, I am grateful.

I haven't felt this for a long time - genuine happiness for the people around me. I forgot how good it felt like. The mysteries of this world, of this place, much especially this house... unexplainable, yet evident with the smiles spreading out. I wonder.

"He got your eyes." Nina said, aware of how much I have been spacing out.

"I believe he got his mother's."

"On first look. But I can see something similar on both of you still."

"Maybe there is. But I guess I have not seen it yet."

She nodded, finishing her plate. "I hope you have been alright, with what happened yesterday."

"I'm old, Nina," I jested, "My knees would often feel weak."

"You don't look that old."

"Trust me, child, I am older even than your civilization."

She laughed. "It still feels weird though, knowing a world like yours exists."

"Legolas told me how surreal it is for your people to learn a world like ours - a world of magic, of wizards and elves and dwarves, of little hobbits and gigantic dragons - but you must know, a great amount of power swirls in our world, one that could hardly be tamed by a mere mortal or even an immortal one. With that kind of power, it is only inevitable that the dark would try to consume it."

She nodded. "Yes, but aren't there always even a small flicker of light that would fight against it? Equilibrium. There is balance. There should be."

I had no words but a surprised stare. A child may know very little, but their optimism never failed to amaze me.

"I haven't told your father yet, but it would be my genuine pleasure to take you some other time in my kingdom. Do not worry - my guards are all well trained."

Her eyes lit up, sitting straighter. "Legolas offered the same trip. I would be glad to see your world for a change."

Tristan then appeared, a pair of utterly looking glasses on his eyes, a big smile on his face.

"But maybe, some other time." She muttered under her breath. Tristan stood before us, his arms on his waist.

"Thranduil?" he called. "With that much build of yours, I hope you can swim. Because twin, we are going to the beach."