The Hierarchy Within

Another blank page

*hey everyone so I'm a writer and literature enthusiast and I'm trying out writing my second novel so please leave comments and thoughts that would be helpful. I'll try upload new chapters whenever I can but school can be quite rough sometimes so please don't rage at me if I don't update as regularly as you' like. This book is also written as if it was written in a paper diary so don't judge any of those references please :)
Much love - Tee <3

It's terrifying opening up yet another journal and seeing a book filled with blank pages. There is no plot to get lost in or words to drown yourself in. Just blank paper, waiting for you to either make a complete mess or write something worthy of Shakespeare recognition. It's not that I never have anything to write about. The problem is I always have too much to write about and the thoughts running through my head are going too quickly for me to comprehend and write down into coherent sentences. I overthink too much ... No one seems to understand how many thoughts actually run through my head every minute. People are always trying to sympathise and tell me things like:
"I overthink too so I know what you're going through."
"You can learn to control it don't worry."
"I know how you feel and understand what is happening."
All of this ... Is honestly the biggest load of bullsh*t I've ever heard in my life and one needs to understand that my life (just like everyone else's) is filled to the brim with bullsh*t.
Back to the reason why I'm working up a sweat just by opening a blank book that happens to be faintly line, is because my thoughts run all over the place. One word that changes suddenly sends my mind spiraling into a completely new thought process and all the words jumble, I don't know what to write about and then ... I worry that what I'm writing is stupid and a waste of paper and basically another wad of crumpled scribble in a waste paper basket.

There's a lot that I've come to realise this year, especially regarding my life and my friendships. However, since this is your first glimpse of my life you'll need a bit of perspective. If you have some kind of a character in mind then it's easier to let the story flow in your head. Let's start with myself so we can get that torture over with (you guys will soon find I probably have one of the lowest self esteems ever recorded so just bear with me)
- My name is Tori but everyone just calls me Tee
- I'm sixteen, in Grade 10 and been at the same school with the same people for most of my life
- I'm abnormally tall (as in tower over 98% of the grade including the boys abnormally tall) with blonde hair and grey/blue eyes
- I've had the greatest pleasure of growing up with three brothers
- This means that I am more into wrestling someone to the floor than bothering about what I should wear and whether denim and polka dots are actually an accepted combination (not exactly an attractive quality guys are into)
- I'm a bookworm that practically lives in the school library
- I don't have many friends apart from a select few and my amaze-balls animals
- I'm addicted to corny romance, obsessed with happy endings and plagued with unrequited love
- I have a fetish for stationery, movies, books and quotes from literature okay?
-I'm in love with my best friend and I've never been kissed

So now that you have an idea of the weirdo I am, let me tell you about my best friend (lets call him Google for the sake of being anonymous as well as the fact is he knows all, is great at everything and has an opinion about everything under the sun) Google is too perfect for words! Tall, muscular (from basketball and rugby), killer smile and swoon-worthy brown eyes however, what's beneath the surface is ten times better than what you first see. He's smart - smarter than anyone I know. He reads through a set of notes once and walks out of a test with 96%, he actually reads and he talks in metaphors. Intellect is such a powerful thing and the fact that if you spoke to him, you wouldn't end up speaking about the weather is a huge plus don't you think? Google is also musical, respectful, talented, kind and helpful. What more could you possibly ask for out of a teenage guy? Oh wait .... I believe I actually know the answer to this. What you could ask for is if he could spare you the time of day. I'm lucky to be his friend. I know I don't sit high up on the hierarchy, I mean, he's perfect and I'm a socially awkward bookworm so you can imagine the social circle difference is quite large. We talk about everything and he is always there for me ... It would actually be too perfect for words if I hadn't been shot by Cupid's arrow and had an incurable case of unrequited love.

Now that you have a basic idea of who we are ... I think it's the time for me to drop in a few surprise before closing the pages for today. I have no idea what I'd like to do in life or after school but I know I'd love to be a teacher involved with English, Drama or something along those lines. I've been abandoned by many friends in my life so this story is going to reverse, start from the beginning and explain a few things. Oh and lastly, I'm suicidal but you can find out more about that in the later chapters. Happy reading :)