I awake. Tears streaming in puddles on my pillow. I wish these nightmares would fade and leave me be. Forgiveness has already been given to my tormentor although the tormentor continues in my sleep. The Earth cries accusations against me. She hates me. But I will continue to take up my cross. I carry it on. I left the tormentor to her destruction, like a kamikaze airplane to crash and burn. But I will not allow her to bring me down along with her, but still I feel that it is all my fault.
"I forgave you long ago," I tell her, "but I cannot and will not follow you further. I will take up my cross, and press on without you, no matter how you claw at me." Is it my doing that she burned me out? Am I truly a horrible person to keep to my recovery? Did I have to explain all my reasoning that I left her? But, no, she can think me hypocritical and self-righteous for standing for my health. I do not care what rumours she'll spread. She can join the voices of the Earth and demons who accuse me untruthfully. But I shall not bend to the torment.
Walk in my dreams as long as you wish. Haunt me in my nightmares, I am unafraid. Join the Earth's cries of pain and taunting. Join the demons' accusational lies. Will I fear the night? Oh yes. But will I believe this horror? Oh no. Will I allow the judgement and hating bring me down? Definitely not. For I am raised by the Love of God. I love you. I forgive you. I do not judge nor condemn. Though this is true, forgiveness does not require that I continue to be torn down like this. Farewell my friend, and you can hate me all you want. But, I've tried being your friend, and to love you. And I stood for my faith, if that makes me horrible, then so be it.
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Thistles & Crosses
RandomA collaboration of contemplations, poetry and journalling. Sequel to Mute & Blind, Wings For Flight (find them at @bohemianragamuffin) and Kaleidoscopic Blitzkrieg, Phoenix Flame and Falling Into Place.
