One Shots: The Cube SMP

Polaroids - Kiingfearless

This could be triggering to some of you. Read at your own risk or skip this if the subject of suicide or self harm could have any bad effect on you. Boy x boy (obviously).

Isaacs POV

I swore I'd never open this box again. It was a stormy night, it seemed like the sky was crying and screaming like I was exactly one year ago.

I opened it. The box was filled with polaroids.

Our first date.

"I want to remember this day."

The bench on which we had our first kiss.

"I want people to remember me."

His lips were the softest lips I had ever kissed.

The day we went to Disney.

"I don't care if people remember me-"

Him wearing the flower crown, I used to make him wear all the time.

"- as long as you don't forget about me, Ize."

"How could anyone who ever met you forget about you, babe?", I had answered.

Him sitting on the windowsill in my old apartment.

"It's so easy to lose your purpose in life."

I could basically hear him saying these words.

He had looked so lonely but I just couldn't ask him what was wrong.

The day we moved in together.
I was still living here.

The memories came flooding back.

* 1 year ago. *

"Babe? I'm hooome." It was 8.59 pm.

No response.

I guess, he just didn't hear me or he went out to get some groceries.
I kicked off my shoes, turned on the tv and ate some cereal while watching the news.

Will had been acting different lately and I was concerned. I was glad that he had this psychiatrist to talk to since he "didn't want to bother me with these things".

I missed that happy boy I once met. I sighed, put my bowl into the dishwasher and decided to go to bed. I'd talk to him tomorrow, that was my plan. I wanted to make him feel safe, happy and wanted.

I went up the stairs and my stomach turned. I started running upstairs as the realisation hit me. The bedroom door was closed, maybe he was asleep? I opened it carefully. There he was, lying in bed.

I started crying when I saw his bloody wrists. My head told me to call the emergency number but I was frozen. I fell on my knees, holding his hand.

"Will? Baby? Can you hear me?"

Nothing.

"Please answer me."

No response.

"Oh Will, you can't just leave me. Please wake up!"

I was now shaking my unconscious lover.

Still nothing.

I called them, sobbing.

"M-my boyfriend committed suicide. He lost a lot of blood and I don't know if he's breathing!"

They were here a few minutes later. Someone had given me a blanket, I was now sitting on the sofa. A guy came up to me.

"I'm sorry. William Tong died about 30 minutes ago. We weren't able to do anything."

I looked at the clock. 9:35.

I started screaming, crying, hyperventilating. I had thrown the clock against the wall and I got taken to the hospital because I had suffered from a severe shock.

But he was all I could think about.

I could've saved him.

It's all my fault.

I should've been here.

He's dead because I didn't realise what was going on.

Maybe I did and I just refused to accept it.

I killed him.

* present *

The tears kept streaming down my face. The first time I cried since the day it happened. Everyone had kept telling me things like

"It's not your fault."

"You couldn't know that he was skipping his appointments."

"There were no signs, you aren't responsible for this."

But I knew it was my fault. I hadn't talked to anyone in a few weeks now.

"It's so easy to lose your purpose in life."

I closed the box again. A whimper left my lips. Those polaroids were his way of leaving something for me. I had found the box on the bedside table the night he left.

His way of saying goodbye.

His way of being remembered.

I put the box onto bedside table and turned the lights off.

The storm was now over.

A/N:
I'm sorry for writing this. It's probably not good and it's way too sad.
I hope you guys are alright, you might want to read the message I sent to all followers about my schedule etc.
Good night,
x