Perfectly Dying

Chapter 1: Sam and her complicated but simple life

My opinion of death is very mutual; sometimes I think death is a positive thing, although it can be an awful thing. I visualise life as one giant metaphor for death. People die in many different ways, depressingly, anxiously, joyfully but I aspire to die perfectly...

Sorry for not introducing myself, my name is Sam. I'm 15 years old and as my mum (Jane) says "You're like an old woman dressed as a child." This is probably because I don't go to parties or care what I look like to fit in. I'm not that type of person; I'd rather be myself than a moderately tweaked clone of society. Obviously I don't fit in at school, I'm that person who sits at the back of the class and actually does schoolwork. I suppose I work so hard at school because I actually want a job and don't want to be a backstreet drug dealer. As an A grade student I was automatically expected to be bullied. Surprisingly I haven't really been bullied but I have been called a couple of things and have been talked about behind my back. This is mainly because I don't listen to the music and dress how society deems "normal." But I see society's "normal" as be as fake and dumb as possible. My mum had me quite young, she was about 13 and anyway I'll talk to you about that later.

After years of child raising my mum created a depressed "freak" according to all of the oth-er students in my high school. When I was 12 I went through a very dark patch of my life and stayed in "Oakwood Hospital" for about 3 years as I was "recovering." This mainly consisted of a staying in a cream painted room alone being visited every day by a doctor trying to reach my "inner struggle." As I had no friends, naturally the only people I talked to was my mum and the doctors. Every night my mum held my hand until I fell to sleep, some days my mum had to work at night so I just cried, sobbing and sobbing until I fell to sleep. They also gave me these tasteless, dull tablets. The doctors said these tablets would stop the night-mares and the voices. I used to say things in my sleep like "Stop Dave" and "Please no!" Af-ter 3 years of recovery, I stopped; I still have the depressing thoughts in the back of my mind. Anyway I've been out of Oakwood for the whole summer holidays; so far the drugs and therapy have worked.

Suddenly a loud "beep, beep, beep" awoke me, my sight is still a bit distorted by my eyes being half closed. I reached to the alarm to turn it off. I got changed and like everyone look-ing drunk and swaying down the stairs half asleep. The smell of blueberry breakfast muffins swarmed toward me and I was enticed toward the smell. Like every morning, my mum had made muffins. However, I was running a little late so I had to take my muffin to school. I got on the nearest bus to "Oakwood Academy", "The school of remembrance and joy." Howev-er, I will probably forget the name when I'm 60 also the only things I leave with are GCSE's and a large urge to go to college. Anyway, as I walked into school there was no toilet paper being thrown around or the infamous being stuffed in a locker. There were just people car-rying on with their day not making any eye-contact. This was what I hoped high school would be like, this all changed after the first class. In the morning students rushed to their lesson and were too busy to be teenagers. Obviously being the messed up kid from the "Oakwood Academy Mental Asylum" didn't help me trying to be invisible. As I was walking to my art class, I saw a few familiar faces. To my left I could see my old best friend, Holly. I remember playing card games with her. She hasn't talked to me since I went to the hospital.

A couple of lessons later it was time to choose where to sit. Thoughts rushed through my head like, "Now Sam let's think about this logically, there's Doug you were friend through primary school." "But like Holly he started to ignore you, why can I not recall playing cards with him." "Who is that other guy with Holly?" "You're getting off topic!" "It doesn't matter I'll just sit by the tree."

I strolled off the gothic tree, and I got that sudden feeling to roll. There was no one in my line of sight so I thought "Why not?" So I went crazy, rolling screaming "Woooooooooo!" Suddenly I hit something, I thought it was the tree but it was four older teenagers. The long haired boy said pointing into the distance "I think you left a few screws back there." I pro-ceeded to say "So-so-sorry I'll go." I proceeded to walk away and the girl with short-ish hair said "Where are you going?" I replied with "Well no one wants to be friends with me or even be remotely seen with me, so I presumed you wouldn't want to talk to me." "Who said we didn't want to talk to you?" responded the girl. "Well I am the lunatic of the school." The boy with long hair responded "Well we're all not the sanest of people either." He then pointed at the tree and said "Hence, the creepy dead tree, it's practically a shining arrow saying look at us we're crazy!" So I ate with them, I actually learnt a lot about both of them. I'll in-troduce you to them...

Charlotte (the girl with short-ish hair) is probably what you could call the revolutionist; she is very creative and has lots of ideas. However, she's awfully unproductive. She also spends a lot of time with Michael. Michael (the boy with long hair) is probably what you could call the joker; he is very loud and everything he says is a joke. His motto is "Everyone is a little bit crazy!" We all liked the same bands and films. Anyway I'll talk about them a little later.

Mid-way through a conversation with Charlotte, the bell rang. It was time for science, as I walked into science class all eyes diverted to me. Time stopped before a tsunami of insults came. People started screaming and shouting "freak!" Obviously I ran away crying, into a cubicle in the girl's bathroom. The head teacher opened the cubicle, I said sobbing "How did you know I was in here?" The head teacher responded "This is where everyone comes when they're having a bad day!" I pulled myself up and started to walk to her office. The head teacher (Mrs. Nicholson) was very understanding and wasn't the stereotypical monster head teacher in children's books. Mrs. Nicholson's office was very eccentric; as soon as I walked in I clapped eyes with the multi-coloured deer skull above her desk. To the left I could see a set of oddly-shaped African instruments. To the right I noticed a couple of photos of the Col-osseum in Rome. Mrs. Nicholson said "Sit down we need to talk." I proceeded to sit down in a beaded hippy-style seat. Mrs. Nicholson said "Now I'm aware about your past. Are you okay coming back to school?" I replied "Yes I've definitely moved on." Mrs. Nicholson con-tinued to say "Well people clearly don't want you to forget." I had the final word before walking back to class "I just think of them 3 years as a hurdle to something great, plus eve-ryone in that class that shouted at me probably cares more about fake tan than getting a job." I walked into the class being greeted with the teacher shouting at the other students, saying things like "Do you not see how insensitive that was; it's a very serious matter!" Eve-ryone in that class was a moth and I was a lightbulb. At that moment, everyone wanted me dead in someone. And sometimes I wish I was dead, not in a negative way, I just think it would be nice to sleep forever. I just think it's so nice to sleep at night, just imagine it forev-er. I did averagely in Science; it's not the subject I'm best at. Excitement filled my body as it was time for break. Break is probably the best time because this is the only time I see Char-lotte and Michael.

It was the start of break and I saw all of my friends at the tree, I shouted to them "Hey, who am I!" I didn't check if anyone was there, and as I started to roll Charlotte and Michael and started to laugh. I rolled over to them and shouted "It's faster if you roll." After I sat down and we all started talking and we were on the subject of girlfriends and boyfriends, obvious-ly because I had never had a partner. And Michael asked "Have you ever had a boyfriend?" I replied "No." And everyone looked at me like I was an alien, so I asked why is everyone looking at me like that? And Michael said "I'm surprised you didn't have lots of 1 week rela-tionships in primary school." I just said "I value friendship more than love, although love is very nice it's never true." And then I further stated "Now I know love can be true but it's very hard or impossible to find." Everyone just went silent.

I came home that day to my mum (Jane) making blueberry muffins once again. I never complain because somehow she makes the muffins better each time, I don't know how she carries on with life knowing how she became pregnant. When I learnt about how my mother became pregnant I cried myself to sleep that night, just knowing what them men did to my mum just made me physically sick.