The Collected Works of a Toddler

First Time I saw an Alien

Mummy's tummy was really big. Daddy said she had eaten the moon. Nathaniel and Cameron said that the moon was made out of cheese. So I decided to eat a lot of cheese so that mummy would not feel alone in having a big tummy.

Cameron walked around like Mummy. He put a balloon under his shirt and said things like:

"Oh, my back hurts."( Well you are walking funny!)  

"My hips are falling apart." (Glue them back together...)

"My bladder is going." (Where would it want to go?)

"I WANT CHOCOLATE." (ME TOO!)

"I want a nap." (Let me get my Blankie...)

"Oh no my belly button went out." (Did you tell it that it had spent to much time on the computer?)

When he did this, Mummy would pick up a newspaper and hit him with it. Then Nathaniel would come and say: "Don't worry mum, at least one of your sons still loves you." Then Mummy would say that I was very loving, then Nathaniel would look angrily at me.

Mummy's tummy got bigger and bigger. I thought it would soon go 'BOOM'. And then one day she peed her pants. Naughty Mummy... But instead of telling Mummy off, my Daddy yelled "Call the ambulance!" So I ran around calling "AMBULANCE!  AMBULANCE!  AMBULANCE!"  Then the noisy ice cream truck that has a flashing light on top came.

 I got to ride inside of it and play with the nice man who made Mummy wear a funny mask. The nice man who made mummy wear a funny mask said that Mummy had to wear the funny mask to breathe properly. I told him that I could breathe properly without the funny mask. Then I showed him, but I forgot to breathe out, so I fell asleep.

When I woke up I was in a bed in a white room. Then I saw Nathaniel. He was all around me. I was not in a bed in a white room. I was in Nathaniel's lap in a long white room with many doors.

'Why do we have to wait in this s- *bad word* hall? Why can't we come in and see mum?" Cameron said in a winy voice. Then there was a scream. Then Cameron and Nathaniel and Julia all stood up and shouted. I fell off Nathaniel's lap and shouted. And because everybody else was shouting, I shouted even more, trying to be the loudest. But then a lady in a white nightie came and told me to be quiet. She did not tell Cameron and Nathaniel and Julia to be quiet, because they had stopped shouting a long time ago.

"You can come and see your son now, sir." said the lady in the white nighty and Daddy followed her into a door. Then they opened the door and went through it. Cameron and Nathaniel and Julia and I waited in the hall. It took a long time before anything happened, at least ten minutes. And then Daddy came back into the hall and said that we could see Mummy now. I said that I had always been able to see her and Daddy laughed. He was being strange.

Cameron and Nathaniel and Julia and I walked into the room with Daddy. Then I ran out again. Mummy had been probed by aliens, and the alien was still there. All purple and red and wrinkly. And Mummy and Daddy were being strange. They were smiling at the alien and making strange noises to it. They were probably talking to it about the best way to steal the world. I did not like that alien. It was stealing my Mummy and Daddy and wanted to steal my world, too!

Nathaniel was in the hall with me and said that I should come back into the room and meet my new baby brother. So I followed him in to the room again and hid behind him when I saw the alien. Then Daddy walked over to me and took my hand. He held out the alien and said that I should say hello to  my new little brother, Bob. I did not want the alien to be my new brother. But we took it home and fed it and it has not tried to make me a robot yet, so I have started being less non-trusting. And he is still called Bob.