The Impeccable Infinity

Chapter 12

Do you ever have those days where you wake up and immediantly know its going to be a bad day? Yea, I'm having one of those days today. No, I didn't wake up and decide to have an attitude, arguing with everyone and everything. It just, today wasn't my day I guess.

I woke up and got out of bed, slumping towards my window to open the blinds and bring some light into the room. When I pulled up the string though, the only thing greeting me was a thunderstorm and dark clouds. Sometimes I enjoy thunderstorms, especially ones in the summer, but today I just wasn't feeling it.

I sat back down on my bed and watched as the rain trickled down the window pane, raindrops connecting with different puddles of water at the bottom of my windowsill. I focused on them carefully, and imagined each raindrop racing each other to the bottom. I know it's immature, but I still find myself doing it even at sixteen.

Nothing was planned for today, or nothing that I know of. I'm not going to see Mute again until tomorrow night, so until then I'm literally sitting around with nothing to do. Everyone's at school, including Mute, leaving me alone in the quiet and boring house.

I wonder what I would be doing if I was living my old life. Like, would I be with my family right now? Would I be hanging out with friends and watching movies and eating ice cream as we wait for the storm to pass?

I pulled my feet up to the bed frame and propped my heels on the edge, leaning my elbows on my knees and placing my chin in my hands. I started to think about my old family again as I listen to the breaks of thunder and bright flashes of lightning outside.

Rainy days just make everything that's already sad, sadder.

My eyes filled with tears as I reminisced on the times I spent with my parents and friends. I tried to push the tears away, stay strong because that's what my parents would want, but I just lost it. I let the tears fall down my cheeks while my face shrivel up as I let out loud and gasped for air.

This isn't what I wanted, this isn't what I ever wanted. Yea, I have Mute and a new family that cares about me, but what about my real family. Am I just supposed to forget them, pretend like they never existed? Just push down my feelings and act like I'm this strong and independent person? Well, the reality is I'm not. I'm full of anxiety and have serious trust issues, but can you blame me? I trusted that my parents would stay alive and watch me grow up, raise kids of my own. That dream was obviously cut short, leaving me with nobody to trust, only broken promises.

My face felt warmer as I cried harder, and I'm began to loose my breath. I don't know if it's possible to pass out from crying, but if it is, I'm on the verge of it.

"Why?" I screamed, letting out cries after.

"Why would you do this to me? You just took them away from me!" I cried into my hands and felt my tears drip down my wrists. This is never what anyone intended, not this early in my life.

"Haley?" A voice said from my doorway.

I looked up and see Mute standing by the door, leaning against the frame. I took the sleeve of my shirt and dried up the tears on my face the best I could before trying to control my violent breathing.

"Hey," I said, my voice cracking on every letter.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

I winced at the word 'sweetheart', and tried to look away to prevent myself from crying anymore than I already have.

"It's nothing, I'm fine."

Mute rolled his eyes and walked into my room without asking for permission to come in. He sat next to me on my bed and wrapped his arms around me. Now, for as much as I'd thought I'd be freaking out about how close he is to me, I'm not. All I can focus on is my old life.

"Haley, tell me what's wrong."

"It's nothing. I already-"

"Haley," he said, cutting me short and pulling away from our embrace. He looked me in the eye with a concerned and serious expression.

"I just, I miss them."

"Who?"

"My parents. My friends. My life."

"You don't always have to be strong."

"What?"

"You don't have to be strong all the time. Loosing all of that is a big deal, nobody should be expected to not mourn, it's natural. I know you want to act like everything's fine and your life is still perfect but it's not, you know that and I know that."

I let out another cry and hugged him back, putting my face into his shoulder. Mute pushed my hair to the side and started rubbing my back, making small, circular motions.

When I calmed down again I moved away from him, embarrassed from how much of a mess I look, but Mute didn't care. He placed his hands on my shoulders and held them still, making our eyes meet so I couldn't turn away.

"I know what you're going through."

"You do?" I asked, wiping away my tears and sniffing quietly.

"Yea, why do you think I'm a foster kid? I've been here for years Haley, I'm not new to the system."

"So you've felt this way before?"

"Are you kidding? I cry almost every night! I lost both my parents too and I'm still getting over it. I haven't talked to anyone besides you since the day of their death."

So that's why he doesn't talk. It's because he's mourning so much he just wants to bottle it up, save it for himself to deal with alone.

"I'm sorry I pushed you to talk yesterday. I didn't know how important being silent was to you."

He shook his head and brushed off the idea, trying to act like it was no big deal. I don't know how he sees it that way, because I find it a big deal and I'm not even the mute one.

"Haley, sometimes you meet people in your life and they were put there for a reason. You, sweetheart, were brought to this exact foster home for the solemn reason to help me improve. And look how much you've helped me in only a day."

I smiled and wiped the remaining tears off my face. Mute brushed my hair off my shoulder and onto back to keep it out of my face as I took deep breaths.

Yea, I guess I have helped him a lot, haven't I?

"Thank you for coming in here and helping me feel better. It felt good to cry."

"Anytime sweetheart," Mute said, giving me a quick wink and smirk which made me laugh again.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yea, now I am."

"Good," Mute said, getting up off my bed and walking towards the doorway.

"Hey, one last thing," I said quickly, causing him to stop once he reached the hallway.

"Shouldn't you be in school?"

"I'm nice, but that doesn't mean I'm good sweetheart," he said, walking into his room.

Honestly, I don't know much about Mute. We hung out for a few days, he's told me some stuff about his old family, and we both share a love for decaf coffee; but the rest is a mystery. All I know is, even if he is bad and isn't afraid to break the rules, he's perfect to me.