Cross My Heart // Harry Styles

6

It was so comforting. So comfortable. My hands curled into his chest again, so no monsters could get them. My knees curled into my own chest, and his legs surrounded me, sprawled out on the bed, as he leaned against the wall at the top of the bed. He rested his head back on the wall, and we just sat there, in silence for a few minutes. I closed my eyes, and concentrated on this feeling for every second I could have it. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I was addicted to it now. I already couldn't wait until tonight, when he'd be back. IF he came back, that is. At this point though, I saw no reason he wouldn't come back. He seemed sincere.

After a few minutes, my mind started to get the best of me again, not being used to all the totally new emotions and feelings I'd felt in the past day. From thinking all my fellow girls and I would be tortured and dead soon, to learning to sort of trust a man, to feeling sparks and heat when I touched this man, to having two hugs, that ended up being the best feeling I'd ever felt in my entire life....so many new things in just the past day, it was almost too much. It was more feelings than I'd felt in all my years here, put together. All I ever felt here was pain. And exhaustion. And hunger. There was nothing else. No highs. No lows. Every day was just.....as low as you can get, flat lined. Day in and day out.

So, I broke down.

I didn't want to. I just wanted to enjoy every second of this man hugging me.

But the tears started pouring, and even though I tried to silently swallow my sobs, they seeped out of my lips anyway.

Harry lifted his head off the wall at the first sniffle and sob, and put his face against my head, and held me tighter in his arms. "It's alright. I got you. I'll hug you as long as I can. And I'll hug you again tonight if I can. It's alright to cry, Gwen. You don't have to hold it in." he whispered against my head, the sound and vibrations of his gentle soothing voice floated into my ear and gave me feelings in my stomach that I'd never had before. It was almost a....I don't know.....yearning feeling. As if I couldn't get close enough to Harry. As if I wanted to be tighter against him. It was almost a torturous feeling, yet I loved it. It felt good.

With his permission, I let my sobs flow freely, and soon my entire body shook his with every powerful sob that rocked through me.

He held me so tight the entire time, I couldn't have moved even if I wanted to. I sure as hell did NOT want to. He lightly rocked me side to side again a little bit, when my crying hit its peak. Then, when my sobbing started to wear off, he began humming a song again against my head. A different one this time. Also one that I thought I'd recognized. The days when the boss would have his radio just loud enough in the office, that we could hear it in the kitchen...those were the best days, despite the beatings and pressure to behave perfectly. I loved hearing music. I'd always loved music. It had been my favorite class in the orphanage, besides science class. On the days when we'd get to try out instruments, I was always first to raise my hand to try, after the nun demonstrated it. From wooden sticks, to guitars and piano...I loved trying them all. And the nuns told me I was "a natural", they said every time, which made me smile proudly to myself. There was something I hadn't done in a long time. Smile proudly to myself. Now, I had nothing in my life to be proud about. There was only shame. Day in and day out. Nothing but shame and desperation.

When my crying subsided finally, and I started to doze again in Harry's arms, I popped out of my own private paradise suddenly, realizing it could be time for him to leave any second. And if Gus opened the door and saw client hugging me like this, he would probably be very suspicious.

Harry jumped a little, from my sudden movement. He kept his hands on my shoulders as I emerged from my own little cocoon in his neck and chest, and I sat up, tearing myself off of him, which felt absolutely terrible to do.