Dear jack | Jack and jack

Dear jack

Dear Jack,
Hey bud,
I miss you dearly and deeply, you were my first love and I know I was yours too, that first day in kindergarten I knew I was different and I knew that things would get crazy growing up with you, I wish WE could go back 15 years and US standing there together wearing matching cap shirts, but different colors and US being amazed WE had the same name.. You don't understand how lost and scared I am without you, when I first saw you last night as WE stepped out On the stage in Europe, you looked sexier than before and I was in awe looking at you, I held your hand tight and kissed your forehead behind the curtain so no one saw, I hugged you tight and I started to talk to the amazing supporters out there and I knew if WE came out, some would leave but it was okay because deep down WE knew it would happen and WE were okay with it. Now it's really not the same, I though everything went great jack, I though I gave you enough love and hugs, kisses and passion since day one. I held you tighter than my mother would hold me, I loved you more than OUR fans and my family, I only needed you and that was it! I don't understand why you didn't tell me WE were drowning, that WE were fading away, why didn't you tell me you were cutting yourself. Why didn't you say that you were alone in your brain and you where depressed and scared? Why did you leave me to believe the love of my life was happy and fine? I wanted to hold you this morning, I wanted to feel your worth and I wanted to kiss your soft pail lips again like last nigh, I wanted to wake up to your soft breathing and your arm around me, I didn't get that wish did I? I never really though you were dead and I didn't try or want to picture you getting barred in a few months. When I saw you laying there on the floor in OUR bathroom and I knew I couldn't save you or kiss you enough for this bad dream to vanish and you being back in OUR bed once again and you holding my hand the other night when WE sang on stage in Europe. I can't take back this day, I can't take back your death, I wish it was me and not you jack. I wish I was awake last night to save you. I blame myself for your death because I was not there to hold you and I was not there to notice your crown was falling and to notice that your clean body was covered in blade marks and burns, to not notice that your smile was fake and that I was the only one happy with this love WE had, I was not there to save your soul or let you know I was here for you, I was In love with you, I was craving you everyday of every hour. Now it's to late and now it's not okay. Jack you don't understand what you did to me and your family, your mom misses you, she cries for you jack. I came over the other day and she had a photo of you in her hand and her eyes were red and puffy, she hasn't stopped crying since February 31, she was put on medication because her depression was to much for her to Handel, she tried to drink away the pain and so did your dad, they both tried to see heaven with you and to see your smile once again. My mom and dad miss you too, they cry but not as much as your folks do, and no one cries as much as I do, they didn't know I loved you and they didn't know I was in love with my best friend.. They didn't know and I wish they did. Soon it's going be your last day here before the grown takes you away from me and God sees a new angel. I can't stand the though of it all and I still can't say your dead jack, your mom kept your phone Line up, because I told her I needed to text it everyday and I needed to pretend that you were alive but didn't get to reply back to me, I texted you almost everyday since your death and I never stopped, i don't think I ever will, not until I die, because then I'll be alone and with you. I'll see your smile again and I'll love you the same and before, then I won't be so alone and I won't feel so empty without you, I know that someone will walk in a find my body here laying on this bed and I know someone else will cry for me too and I know that the fans will die hearing I killed myself because I couldn't live without you and I know it was not the right thing, but jack I loved you and your death was the worse thing to happen to me and I need to see your face one more time and I need to be okay seeing it, I want to be with you and when they read this I want them to know I only loved you more than anything else. I want them to know that OUR 15 years were the best thing to happen to me.
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Hey, I'm sorry I did this to you guys. I didn't think I was going to really write this, but I wrote it while Listening to distance by J&J and it got me to write this.. Ik it's sad and I just want to know if you guys cough onto ' February 31 ' because there's no February 31 and it means they will never stop loving/crying/caring/hating or any other emotion or word, that till there is a 31 of February that's when it will stop.