All This Time

Chapter 1

Olivia's POV
Today marks the third year that he's been gone. The third year that he left me out alone in the dark. I don't know if he thinks about me. I want to call, but he left for a reason. He left without telling me.

*Flashback*
I walked in the precinct and Cragen called me into his office. I knew something was up. "Olivia, I have some news." he tells me.

"I hope it's good because my week has been stressful," I say with a laugh.

"Well, actually it's not so great," he says as he takes a long pause.

"Captain, what's going on?" I ask him with concern. I could see the worry in his eyes.

"It's about Elliot," he says to me without looking up. I haven't seen Elliot in about 2 days but I figured he was just sick.

"What about him?" I ask. I sensed the concern and I began to freak out.

"Liv...he put his papers in," he tells me. Did I just hear him correctly?

"No, no way. Not Elliot that's not him. Elliot wouldn't do that. Not without telling me," I say and my voice began to break. My eyes began to get watery.

"Well he did. Without an explanation. I don't know what's up. I agree with you, it's not like him to just up and do that," he says. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Cap...I-I-I need a minute," I say. My voice was almost gone.

I walked out of the room holding back the tears, as they were at bay. I make it out of the precinct room and walk into another room and close the door behind me. I let it out. I was crying so hard that I started to hyperventilate.

I had to calm myself down. I put my hands on my face but I couldn't take it. I cried more. I let my body slide down the wall and I just sat there. In tears, my heart was broken. I remember thinking to myself 'Why on earth would he do this to me?'

I called Elliot about 4 times and sent him several text messages. Neither of them answered, the calls or the texts. I truly lost him.
*Flashback Over*

All I could remember thinking was heartbreak. I need to stop thinking about this. I need to stop thinking about him. He's out of my life. I started dating Brian Cassidy, he worked with Elliot and I at the precinct.

Then, moved to IAB. I mean I love Brian, but not the way I love Elliot. The moment I saw Elliot, it was instant sparks. I knew that I wanted to be with him, but he was married.

That's one rule: never date a married man. If I could've just had a clue as to why he left me. Maybe he didn't mean to hurt me. I don't know at this point. I just don't know. 'I'm your partner. For better or worse.' I remember that, too. Now, I'm wondering if he ever really meant that.

Elliot's POV
These past 3 years of my life have been a downfall. Kathy said that if I took this job she would divorce me and take my youngest son, Eli, away from me.

She didn't know it was an undercover job. I had to take it, whether I wanted to or not. Believe me, if I had the choice, I wouldn't have taken this job. I wouldn't have left my family. I wouldn't have left Liv. Oh gosh. Liv. She never got an explanation.

The only person that knew about it being undercover was Cragen. I never meant to just leave Liv like that. It wasn't my intention. If I could've I would've stayed here. I loved her. I know she was in pain and she probably still is, but I know Liv.

I know her better than anyone, and she won't tell her feelings to anyone. She told me everything, but if I just walk back into her life, it's gonna take time for her. It's gonna take time for me, too. It wasn't easy having to leave like that. I didn't get to say anything to her before I left.

I didn't get one last goodbye. I gave her absolutely nothing about me leaving. 'I'm your partner. For better or worse.' Oh gosh. I told her that. I broke that promise. I never wanted to break that promise.

What does she even think of me? She hates me. I know she does. No one understands this except for Cragen. Everyone else? They are wondering why I did this. They feel for Liv because they knew how close we were. We were the best of friends. Nothing could separate us. Not even Kathy. Trust me, she's tried. It didn't work. I just miss her.

I promised her partners for better or worse. So, that's what she's gonna get. My undercover job is over. So, I'm gonna find Liv. I have to find her. She needs to know. The hard part is getting her to trust me again. I hope she will understand.

Olivia's POV
I'm lying beside Brian in bed. Awake. All I can think about is Elliot. He's all I ever think about. I can't help it. I can't help but wonder why he left, why he would do this to me, the team, and his family.

It's just not like El. He has a wife and five kids: Maureen, Kathleen, Richard, Elizabeth, and Eli. He's married to Kathy. I always hated her...she was married to the guy that I wanted. I couldn't have him so I hated her for that.

Should I try texting him again? I don't know. I look over at Brian. He was asleep. I look at the clock. 4:03 A.M. Great. I have to be at work in about 3 and a half hours. I can't sleep. I get out of bed, pick my phone up, and walk downstairs into the living room.

I turn on the television and turn the volume down. Gone Girl was on, so I decided to watch it. I looked at my phone sitting on the couch right beside me. I picked it up. I started to text Elliot.

Then, there was a knock on my door. What the...? Who's at my door at 4:15 in the morning?