My collection of poetry and short stories

Disgusting

Looking in the mirror
Hating what I see
Beautiful is all I have ever wanted to be
But instead I'm disgusting
Stepping on the scale
The numbers keep going up
Getting higher and higher
Meanwhile my eyes are burning
Like they're on fire
Tears build up in my eyes and begin to pour
I can't handle this anymore
I go to the bathroom, lock the door
My fingers go down my throat
And up come all of those calories I consumed
Why did I eat so much
I can't stop now
I can feel myself becoming thinner
My throat is hurting and my head is pounding
But I don't care
It will be worth it
How I think of it is,
the more my fingers go down my throat
The more the numbers go down on the scale
I've been doing this for over an hour
Maybe my urge will go away, to devour
All of the food in sight
I'm so hungry. So ugly.
Food. Beauty. What shall I chose?
Is there really even anything to lose?
My self esteem can't get any lower
Now I begin to feel pain
My stomach begins to hurt
I should stop now.
But there's still remains of food
Still calories that can turn into fat
And I definitely don't want that
That's why I'm doing this anyways
To be skinnier, prettier
Maybe one day I can love myself.
Because if I don't, how will anyone else