the lucky ones

loving

    And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one, 'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.

Troye was more than just a boy with curly hair and a need to be in Connor's presence all hours of the day. Well, that's what Connor thought at least, even though he'd never admit it aloud. He had a secret love for Troye, he wanted him in more ways than one and knew he did as well.

But he also knew that Troye was blissfully unaware. He knew of Connors suicidal tendencies and his horrible past sure, but he didn't know the extent. Troye had always been very small. And not in size but in mindset. He was soft and sweet and tasted like candy, everything Connor wasn't. Troye had grown up with a loving family, living right next to Connor the whole time and even running away with him. When Troye was 12 his father died, his mom fell into depression and his siblings begin to lose it. They began to ignore him, discard him and his childlike persona. So when Connor banged on his window at three in the morning and demanded that they run, he was more than happy to comply.

Connor was a bitch to him most of the time, making his loneliness seem ten times more apparent. But he never gave up, he never thought of the consequences before falling for someone who wanted to die more than they wanted him. Before, thinking of Troye had always been enough to save Connor. But as of late nothing seemed to hold Connor back from almost taking that final step.

As they gang began to put their things in the truck they were startled to hear the sounds of sirens closing in on all sides. The camp they had set up the previous night was on the edge of the forest next to cliff that they all stood on the edge of as the sound of dogs barking and the light of flashlights came from everywhere. Connor looked to Kian to find him frozen with fear, shaking in Jc's arms as he mumbled something about drowning. Jc looked equally afraid, Tyler standing next to him with a look of defeat, then Connors eyes finally fell on Troye, the subject of his thoughts.

He was looking towards the sound with fear in his eyes and regret on his features and Connor began to realize that if it wasn't for him they wouldn't be homeless at the young age of 20. Connor turned his head to focus on the waves that crashed into the jagged rocks beneath him.

"This is it." He announced to the guys who all turned to him sadly.

"It was fun while it lasted." Tyler said.

"I don't want to go!" Kian yelled, clinging to Jc with a sob. Connor knew how much they all depended on each other and how bad separation would be. Then a thought acquired to him.

"What if..." He said slowly. "We don't have to?"

"W-what do you mean?" Jc asked.

"I mean, why separate? Why do what they want us to?" Then he nodded his head towards the edge of the cliff. "When we could go out with a bang. One final run."

"Connor..." This time it was Troye who had been otherwise silent, his normal childlike voice gone. Connor imagines that all the boys were equally messed up as the next and that people who were free and could fall in love were the lucky ones. Because Connor- and more certainly Troye- were still bitter over someone. And he didn't want that for Troye, he didn't want him to live with that pain.

"Just hear me out-"

"Please don't do this." He pleaded, scared as red and blue lights flashed over his pale skin. "Stop running, for once, just surrender."

"Do you know what most Americans think of to keep from committing suicide?"

"W-what?"

"They think of friends and family. People they love."

"Do you think- are you thinking of them? Of me?" A simple nod wasn't enough to give the sad boy hope that maybe he'd changed his mind.

"And the worst part? It isn't enough to save me this time, but just enough to push me over the edge." Connor stepped on the very ledge and looked back at all of his friends. "So?"

Jc was the first to stand next to Connor as he peered down onto the bay of rocks. The Kian, who held Jc's hand as he shook wildly. Then Tyler as he shook his head again. Troye was the last to join as he stood on the other side of Connor who grabbed his hand, surprised when Connor didn't pull away. He smiled.

"Looks like you've got what you've been wanting." He said sadly as a chiefs voice yelled for them to stop.

"I'm glad you're coming with me." Then all the boys exchanged one final glance before rocks were flying under their feet and hearts were dropping into empty stomachs.

Boys     

Jc, depressed

Troye, lonely

Connor, suicidal

Tyler, desperate

Kian, utterly insane

Boys

We are the reckless we are the wild youth, chasing visions of our futures, one day we'll learn the truth.

That one will die before he gets there.