Lost Soldiers (Avengers Fan Fiction #3)

Chapter 13

"Why me? Aren't there a hundred people over there? Or has the budget for extras been cut out too?"

I sat there for a moment contemplating what he meant. Confusion swept over my features, causing me to bite my lip. "What are yo-" I sighed and stopped myself. I didn't need to remind myself again who I was talking to. I glanced down the hall to see some kids heading my way out of a class. I smiled at them and tried not to look so distressed. The children didn't need to see someone who was fighting a war in distress. "Nevermind. Spider-Man trusts you. He looks up to you for some goddamn reason."

Deadpool's voice heightened in pitch and he questioned in disbelief, "Really? He does?" The creak in his chair indicated he leaned back and he let out a small chuckle.

This was the best choice I've made all day. Making two people happy made up for the chaos back there. I smiled softly at his excitement and reassured him in a soft tone, "Yeah."

Wade's voice turned suave like a reporter's and he replied, "You know, I never thought I'd live to see the day...wait, I did. I knew it would happen eventually! How could he resist my charms and my idol status?"

"Wade, you have no idol status." I rolled my eyes and stifled a laugh. The last thing he needed was me laughing at his viral image. It might make him lose some of his dignity...not that there was much left anyway. "Could you please come talk to him?"

"Sure, I can handle that, Lilly."

My eyebrows raised at the sound of my name. Wade hadn't said my name for years. I tried to cover up my surprised silence by responding in a playful tone, "What? No sugar sweet nickname this time?"

"See? You do love them." He dropped something onto the floor and got up from his chair, causing it to creak and groan as his weight lifted. "I'll be over there in a few."

I hung up the phone and sucked in a breath. God I hope sending Wade in doesn't make it worse. I thought and went into one of the bathrooms. I ran my hands under cold water before looking up at myself in the mirror. Blood had covered my tan face in splotches and stuck in my black hair. I cringed and tried to clean up as best I could. Blood dripped and fell into the sink, dyeing the hard material red until I washed it off.

After turning the water off, I closed my hazel eyes for a second and mustered up some energy to go comfort Steve. I hoped this would go over better than it went with Peter.

My muscles and bones ached from everything, but I surged forward and headed towards my room. I couldn't just give up on everyone now for a few hours of sleep, even if I craved it. I had to put the others' problems before mine. That's what I was going to focus on now. No more focusing on me. I can live until the end of the battle.

The door was cracked by the time I got to it. I stood by the door and listened for a moment. Steve sniffled and sobbed quietly to himself on the bed. My heart sank just hearing it. The last time he cried was when Peggy died. He was so strong for us this whole time, but this event hit home. I knocked on the door gently and called out softly, "Steve? Can I come in?"

Steve didn't say anything and wiped away his tears quickly. His blazing blue eyes were now bloodshot and puffy. His cheeks flushed of color; his nose was the only thing that was red on his face. He nodded and tried to make himself presentable, but he was still bleeding in places and starting to bruise.

"What happened back there?" I closed the door behind me as I entered and sat down on the bed. I hugged him from behind and ran my hands up and down his arm gently in an attempt to soothe him. I rested my head on his shoulder and waited for him to speak. If he didn't want to talk, he didn't have to. He just had to know I was there for him in his time of need.

He sniffled and stared at the wall across from him. He leaned in to my touch; his erratic breath calmed down to the same beat of my calm heartbeat. It was clear Steve didn't want to break down in front of me, so he just held it in. He took a few moments to just mull everything ordered before whispering, "I saw them...Peggy and the Howling Commandos. They were...they were ripped from me. Again..."

"Steve...I'm so sorry. That must've been devastating..." I trailed off solemnly. Reliving that would have been disastrous for his emotions. I watched his eyes flicker down towards the floor and the corner of his lip tremble. I brushed my fingers against his cheek and frowned. If he saw that, then Peter must've saw Gwen. Oh...poor Peter...

Steve shook his head slowly. "It's not your fault. You didn't do this."

"Those were people you've lost. It's not my fault, but they were a huge part of your life that you can never get back. I know what it's like." I knew that too well. Losing my parents was hard, but eventually, I came around and accepted it. Things like this took time, but for The Man Out of Time, that was the one thing he didn't have.

Steve stayed silent. His expression hardened and he chewed on the inside of his lip. He sat there thinking for a while, pulling his strength together to get through this hard time. The sorrow, the guilt, the losses, it all rushed back to him as if he just found out about his fallen comrades. He blinked back fresh tears and set his hand on mine. He ran his fingers along the palm of my hand up to my fingertips and turned to face me. Steve looked me in the eye and searched for something. An inkling of care, sadness, gentleness, love...? He stared into my eyes for a good two minutes until finally speaking up, "Don't make me lose you too in this war."

We've gone over this already. I instantly replied in a soothing tone, "Steve, you won't."

"No. I don't want to lose you as in you become one of them. A villain. Blood thirsty. Out of control. Promise me you won't."

He thinks I have the potential to turn into a villain. First he thought I'd turn on them, now I can become a villain? Steve... My stomach churned at the memory of him saying he thought I'd turn on them. That's not what I want a loved one to think of me. Apparently, he thinks that lowly of me. After everything that's happened, there's no way I could turn to the dark side. I'd want revenge, sure, but to stoop as low as killing innocent people to get what I want? No. No way.

All I could do was try to fix the way he perceives me. Turn off the anger, cover up the horrible memories, and focus on the enemy. That was my priority right now. I covered up my bitterness and bit the inside of my cheek for a moment. I nodded and responded, "I...I promise."

Steve smiled a bit, showing some of his pearly white teeth. He kissed me softly and rested his forehead against mine. "Thank you."

We sat in silence for a while, embraced in each other's arms. He would grin slyly from time-to-time after looking at me, but then his eyes flickered back to sadness for a bit. He grieved for his fallen friends and I waited until he felt a little better.