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Twenty-Five : Charla

"The woman you speak of is not here."

Corin and I stand at the same time, accompanied by the screeching of chairlegs on the hard floor. This is not what I was expecting. I let myself hope, and what comes of it? Nothing.

"What?" Corin says, in perfect sync with me. "Do you know where we can find her, then?" My voice comes out strangled, desperate. Despite everything, I still want to see her. I need her to hold me in her arms and tell me that she is sorry.

"You cannot find her. She is dead."

My legs give out. I crumple to the floor and nestle my head into my lap, winded. I just... I can't think. My mind has been shattered. Not a single tear even dares surface. I feel warmth, Corin's arms enveloping me, pulling me into his lap as he crouches on the concrete.

"Don't touch me!" I snap, pushing him away, skittering to a corner even though the distance burns. The physical pain is a welcome substitute for the numbness I suddenly feel inside.

The tall man clears his throat awkwardly. "I'll give you two some privacy."

"Wait!" Corin scrambles to his feet. I watch from the corner through slitted eyes. "What about my mother - her name is Umi -"

But the door is closed in his face. He stands there for a moment, fists and forehead resting on the smooth metal. Then he turns to rest his back on the surface, and stares at me, sorrow in his eyes.

"Benna, I'm really sorry - "

"Don't," I interrupt, rubbing balled fists into my eyes, sucking in a huge breath of the cold, damp air. "Just don't."

He remains motionless. As though scared to move. Or talk to me. So I continue.

"This is what I get. It's my own fault. Remember I told you it doesn't hurt to hope? Well it freaking does! It's a waste of time and leads to nothing but devastation."

"That's not true." Corin replies gently. He creeps forward, away from the door, towards my hunched figure in the corner. "That's not always true."

The burning in my limbs subsides as he nears, chewing on his lip.

"Go AWAY! I want to feel the pain." I hide my head within my arms, folding into myself, like I'm trying to make myself so small that I just disappear.

Corin freezes. "Well, I don't want to feel the pain, but thanks for asking..." He retreats to the table and chairs, slumping into a seat. "Listen, Benna, I want to help. I want to make you feel better. Tell me how I can do that."

I consider for a moment. I've just been told my mother is dead. The spider wasn't her. It could have been anyone. It could have been Stubbly Tall Guy, for all we know. I am now basically an orphan. I have no one left who cares about me.

Unless.

Unless you count Corin.

I am a terrible person. At least I know the fate of my mother. Corin doesn't. Stubbly Tall Guy just left him hanging. At least I have closure. Corin still has hope... poor guy.

"I've ruined everything, haven't I?" Corin murmurs, despondently lifting a slice of bread to his lips. "I never should have tried to kiss you, and now you don't trust me." He takes a bite, and speaks as he chews. "Or you'll, like, be questioning my motives about everything."

I sigh loudly from across the room. The pain is a steady hum coursing through my body. I decide to join him at the table. "Actually, I think it was me that ruined everything," I admit, taking a seat across from him. Our boots touch beneath the table and the pain washes away. "I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm pretty selfish. Sometimes."