Dear Sean

March 11, 2016.

Dear Sean,
Do you know how long I've loved you? Perhaps not. I hope not. And if you do, I hope you don't know just how much I love you because then I would surely die.

R.I.P
Vanessa Stewart
Sunrise December 25, 1999- Sunset today
Died of embarrassment

See, doesn't look so good on my tombstone now, does it?
I was so young at the time, but I knew what I felt for you that day wasn't anything as petty as a crush. You, my friend, are my first love, you'll always be and nothing can change that.

I was only six. Mom brought me to work with her, funny, just so happened your mom brought you too! Instant friends. We were like peanut butter and jam, though, you were allergic to peanut butter, so we changed it. We were like a pirates with treasure. And you told me I'm too pretty to be a pirate. You said I was treasure. Your treasure.

I remember how we played games every day! 'Angent Sean coming through,' you paused to look around, 'Angent Vanessa come on, they're gonna steel the DoppleStopper 2.0 if you move so slower, come on!' You used to tease me about my hair, and I used to tease you about your glasses and how short you were. Funny you should know, I may need to get glasses now myself.

I always found it hard to tell, did I live at your house? Or did you live at mine? We were always in either house and each time we were never alone. Always together, never apart. And there was always something about myself I noticed when I was by myself those few times. I smiled less. You were the light of my life and I was only eight.

You were always the first person to tell me good morning or happy birthday or anything. "Happy birthday Treasure! Finally 11! How does it feel?"
I would tell you to shut up. We were only 19 days apart Sean. But to answer your question, it felt great. Not only did I turn 11, but you offered to watch my favourite shows with me and we both fell asleep on the living room floor. You had your head on my lap, but I never complained about it. You seemed comfortable and, well, so was I.

What happened Sean? Can you tell me? I really would love to know. I knew you would never reciprocate my feelings for you, so I never expected you to at all. In fact, I was quite content with the friendly hugs everday and the kisses on my forehead whenever I felt extremely sad. So tell me Sean, what happened to us? The friendly us? You just started to drift away from me. Or more like you flew away. Because the kisses stopped. The hugs stopped. The visits, the phone calls, it was like you had died. Our parents still kept contact, but not even once you were brought up, but I did hear them refer to me one or two times. I was so angry with you, I hated you, I despised you and I swore to do it with every fibre of my being. And I did. My friends never dared mention your name while I was around. It would piss me off all day. I mean, who wouldn't be pissed off that their best friend just disappeared? You want to know the worse part? Why I hated you? You were just going to the school literally a stone's throw away from mine, and not even an hello.

I knew you went there, but I never saw you. Not even when mom took me to work. So can you imagine how surprised I was to find you spinning in my office? (Well the office Mr. Hall had given me cause I was always there and it wasn't being used anyway.) "Hey Angelle!" 'Hey Vanessa!?' That's all you can say to me after almost three years Sean?! And like butter on a hot Texas street, all the hate and despite, the malice I had for you melted away when I looked in your soft brown sugar eyes behind those thin framed glasses. You want to know why? Its because I still loved you. All those years I spent hating you and what was the damn purpose? When I knew that even if it were thirty years that had passed instead of three, if you had called me I would have dropped everything and dance to the beat of your drum.