Trust and obey

Chapter 1

I sit on the bench with my foot tapping the floor every second. I fidget with the end of my black stained sweater. The ends ripped and dirty. Go run, you shouldn't have done this! You're not worth this!  I try to shake the thought off. I can't go back now. There is no way to stop what's going to happen now. I chose for this and now I have to and will bare the consequences. It is the only thing that will help. I tried before but nothing would help. I found no way to trust myself. No way to get rid of it. I dread what's going to happen but I want this. I keep repeating it. I want this, I want this... 

"Cole, come with me." I look up to where the deep and strong voice came from. The voice giving you no option to decline or argue with it. I stand up and notice that my hands start to shake a little. Keeping my eyes on the ground I follow the feet in front of me, feet that are covered in shoes of expensive leather. I feel even more out of place here. My paranoia making me think everyone is looking at me, staring at me like I'm not worth being here. You don't, you're too pathetic for this. It won't take you more than a day to give up. I try to rid the thought out of my head. I shouldn't listen to it but i still know it's right. I am pathetic

Before I know it I walk into the man in front of me. I didn't notice he stopped due to me being so deep in thought. I quickly step back, eyes focused on the ground, not daring to look down. "I am so sorry, sir. It won't happen again, sir" He doesn't turn around but just says in a calm but authoritive voice "I surely hope so." I nod, even though he can't see me. 

He opens the door and stepping inside. I follow him inside and stand next to the door, not knowing what to do or say. "Go stand over there in the presentation position. I will leave and there will be someone to inspect you. He might be the one to take you so behave." I nod and start to walk to the place the man directed for me to go and stand. "Answer with words." I am startled by the authoritativeness of his voice. Yes he has given me a couple of orders already, but I hear a slight difference in this one. I don't know what it is but it makes me afraid of disobeying him. "Yes, sir." He opens the door, but before exiting he gives me a firm and strong answer "Good". For some reason that words sends chills up my spine. I can't define if they're good or bad ones.

I stand there, after 5 minutes I lost count and now I have no knowledge of time anymore. I don't know if its been 15 minutes, an hour or maybe even more. I try to think of nothing and everything at the same time when I hear the door open. I look up before I can think of what I'm doing, it's been too long. I see a man around his mid twenties, he is wearing jeans with a burgundy button up. More than that i cannot grasp, I lower my eyes as fast as I can, scared of him getting mad at me. I heard that some can get really angry from disobeying that one rule. And I can't afford to screw this up. I promised him I wouldn't fuck this up. 

With that thought in my head I stand still and keep calm. I breath in and out slowly to keep sane. I already feel my paranoia coming up, breathing gets harder and harder. My body starts to tremble and I fear what's going to happen. Please not now, not at this particular moment. I could have expected this, I can't stand judgement, and this is the ultimatum of judgement. I jump up as I feel a hand being laid on the higher part of my back. I expect my body to tremble even harder, but it doesn't do anything at all. I can't seem to breath at all, all my focus is on that hand on my back. My head clouds and I feel violated and safe at the same time. I don't understand what is happening an I feel tears coming to my eyes. I haven't felt this vulnerable like this in a long time. It is like with that one hand he can draw all the pushed down feelings to the surface. I fight the sobbing but i can't stop a couple of tears trailing down my face. I don't know how to react to the feeling. It feels like I am losing the control of my body by this one touch. "Easy boy, no need to be scared. I won't do you anything. Will you try to calm down for me?" I nod before managing a quite "Yes, sir" I feel his thumb starting to stroke my back slowly, and I try to even my breaths. I close my eyes and start fidgeting with my hands on my back. It always helps me to calm down, and at this moment it gives me a feeling of control, control over my own body. 

"Good boy, I am going to take away my hand now, and i want you to turn around and look at me, hands in front of you and I want you to stop fidgeting. Do you understand what I asked of you?" I open my eyes and answer with a short "Yes, sir." I feel his hand leaving my back and cool air lands on the still warm skin. I turn around, place my hands in front of me, stop with my fidgeting and look up at the man standing in front of me. His eyes lock with me and I see cold but at the same time also warm brown eyes with blue flecks looking into mine. His cheekbones stand out and he has some stubbles on his chin. He lays his hand on my shoulder and asks me the question that I thought I wouldn't have to answer anymore. I thought the only one who'd be asking me this was me myself. In fear of the question and the voice that will come up. "Do you really want this?" No you don't, you're too pathetic for this, you should stop with this.

"Yes, Yes I do."

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Hey guys! This is my first serious bdsm story so I'd love to get tips! I hope some of you will like it. I know it's not really long but I try to make sense of the chapters, where to stop and where to end. But of course tips are more than welcome!

xxx moi