Frerard : Never Let Them Take The Light Behind Your Eyes

Chapter 9- Scars Fade, But Not Memories

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Gerard and I were laying in bed together, we had fallen a sleep for a while and had woken up later in the day.

I wriggled away from Gerard, and got out of his bed, bunging on Gee'a stupid baggy T-shirt from earlier. I walked into his bathroom and turned on the light. It was kind of oranges and it made my eyes go funny, like I was on drugs... I wasn't ...

I know things in life are good at the moment, especially with Gerard... He's everything I have at the moment. Apart from this... I glanced down at my hand, tightly shut into a fist. I released the tension and my hand slowly came undone, showing a silver shimmer of light, but looking beyond the beaming shine, was my razor. I picked it up from my trouser pocket. I needed it and I needed it now!

I perched up against the bathtub, and ran the sharp blade across my arm, I decided to start from the top, and work my way down. I slowly cut across the link in my inner elbow, showing specs of blood. I saw my blood, but it didn't feel good enough... I traced the blade again down my arm in a vertical line, I had never done that before, and it hurt like fuck! The blood started to pour, so I cut again, this time across my veins deeper ad harder than before . My arm was covered in blood, and now, so was the floor. I started to get dizzy and I couldn't see straight. I opened the lid of the toilet quickly as i fell to my knees, and out it came. Not very pleasant, but I threw up into the toilet... It felt bad ... In a good way, if you know what I mean?

Self harm... It's an addiction, I can't stop , I have tried before, but nothing works, nothing's the same as seeing the blood and skin peel apart. I took the blade again and went mad!! Cutting and cutting and slitting and cutting. Over and over, until you couldn't see my arm anymore, all you could see was the crimson colour that buried me in black, devouring my soul into darkness.

The door opened slightly. I saw my gorgeous naked Gerard standing in the in the way. I was in shock, and dropped the razor quickly, trying to hide it from Gerard, but it was no use. Gerard opened the door to its full extent, and ran towards me, as I went backwards, into his arms, I was so faint and dizzy, and my blood stained his chest.

"Put some clothes on man!" I whimpered to him, he laughed, but started to cry, shaking his head.

"What have you done Frankie? You made me a fucking promise!"

"I'm s-sorry Gerard, I have to do it, I can't stop!" I stuttered

"Frankie... You should have talked to me" Gerard said pulling me closer to him

"Gerard?"

"Yes?"

"I think your amazing, and I wish I could be more like you..."

"No, Frankie you are perfect the way you are, you don't want to be like me" Gerard smiled.

Gerard and I rinsed my arm in the sink, and he wrapped a bandage round the cuts, it felt a bit better... But did I want it to be better?... We went upstairs and walked down the hall a way, until we got to Mikeys room. Gee knocked on the door and then pushed it open, Mikeys room was really small, since they had a massive house, I was quite surprised! It had dark navy blue walls covered in pictures of family, friends ,and one guy, with a giant afro! He looked pretty cool, he wore black and had a misfits T-shirt. There were also mini doodles of this afroed man with hearts round on his table. My eyes were soon distracted by Mikey, and this dude! And the 'dude' was sure enough, the Afro man, I had seen him somewhere before, maybe at school? I don't know.

Gerard's face was gobsmacked, as we stood in the door frame, eyes wide and mouths open, watching Mikey making out wildly with the dude! They stopped kissing and turned to face us.

"Um! Gerard... This is Ray, my boyfriend" Mikey announced . What the fuck! He's not gay!

"What!?" Gerard yelled

"This is Ray?" Mikes sad again

"Your gay?"

"Um... Well yes Gee, yes I am" Mikey came out, looking down at his feet.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you tell me about Frank!?" Mikey retorted looking at me

"Sorry... Hello Ray, treat my brother well, as if you break his heart, I'll break your fucking neck!" Gerard smiled and Ray looked frightened. I couldn't help but laugh, oh I love Gerard... Wait what? I love him? Yes! I love him! I'm falling in love with Gerard... Oh god, do I tell him? No, I cant, he won't love me back, and I am only young. I don't know the first thing about true love.

Gerard shook hands with Ray and we left the room, leaving Mikey and Raymondo to get back to their business!

When Gerard and I reached his room I decided to tell him that I loved him... Which was a bad idea.

"Gerard.. " I said as I sat down on the sofa in the lounge, with Gerard. We were hand in hand.

"Yes?..." Gerard stared into my eyes deeply

"I love you"








It fell silent.








"Frank, are you sure, I mean you haven't known me long, I think your great and amazing, but love?"

"I knew you would do this! I know you hate me now, I'm sorry, I deserve to die!"

"Frank!.." Gerard started. I pulled away from his boney, gorgeous hands and made a run for it, I opened the door and ran out into the cold breezes of spring. It hurt, knowing he didn't love me back. I kept running and running, my feet started to ache.

"I CAN'T DO THIS!" I screamed. I got strange glares from everyone passing, as I started screaming at the voices in my head.

I ran all the way home, to my shitty home. Gerard hated me now. He doesn't love me! I should just kill my self, everything will be better when I'm gone... I know it will!

It will be better for my dad, for Gerard and for me. I know it will be, I can finally reunite with my mom in heaven , if I go to heaven that is, probably not, I'm gay and gods a fucking homophobe!

"Suck me dick" I muttered walking into my street corner, panting.

I got home and unlocked my door, creeping in slowly, I peered into the lounge and saw my lazy dad watching TV with a beer and salt and vinegar chips, munching away. He's a fucking ass. He didn't hear me, because luckily, he's almost deaf an the volume was up to like a fucking 76!
I could hear it from my room, and I'm pretty sure the close could here it to? He was watching some shitty TV like wrestling or something, it just make me cringe seeing people trying to mangle each other...

I ran up stairs, creaking as I took each swift step. I got to my room and pushed open my door, heading for the bath room, but was stopped by a swift fist in my back.

I fell to my knees facing the floor, and was kicked down, again and again, then I saw that knife, coming straight for my head. And it all went ...






Black.

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