Ugh, you're Such an Apple

Who the hell are you?!

~Nara ~

I was just coming home from a long mission for the 5th hokage. I opened the door to the main branch house of the Uchiha compound and trudged straight to the bathroom to started a warm herbal for my sore and aching body. My assassins uniform was chucked into the washer and my armor was thrown into the kitchen sink to be washed and polished. As soon as I was completely naked I slowly got into the large boiling hot tub and slowly sunk down in it.

“Mmmmmm these herbs from Ino’s flower shop sure do work wonders, I can feel my pain melting away already! They smell good too!” I said as I shut my eyes and started to doze off.

~ Sasori~

I was walking in the forest, inside my Hiruko puppet of course, making way to this Uchiha woman’s current residence. I store at her pictures inside the folder while controlling Hiruko at the same time. She has Jet black hair, deep dark black holes for eyes just like Itachi and sun kissed soft looking skin.

“Hmph, what makes this Uchiha girl so different from the other ones. She looks just as cocky and simple minded as the other ones.”

While I had my nose deep in this girls business my other senses where all stuck in my imagination. What I failed to realize was that Hiruko was headed off the right path, into the woods and straight for a river. I only noticed this small detail when Hiruko started to fill with water.

“Ah shit!” I exclaimed as I scrambled to get out of Hiruko. Before he sank underwater I put him inside of a scroll and continued my journey on foot.

“Ugh, now I got to polish him and check for mold and termites…” I mumbled the procedures to myself as I trudged down the pathway to Konoha.

“This girl is already turning out to be more trouble than she was worth. She’s already ruined one of my puppets without even being here.” I thought angrily to myself.

Just a few yards from the village gates was a sign that said ‘Welcome to Konoha!’ in big green kanji letters. I ducked behind the sign and used Transformation Jutsu to change my appearance so that I could infiltrate the village without any problems. My hair was down to my shoulders and i wore a fishnet shirt with ninja pants and black ninja sandals.

I casually walked up to the information desk people and cleared my throat to get their attention.

“Excuse me, but do you know where Nara Uchiha is?” I asked kinda impatiently.

The one with the straw in his mouth narrowed his eyes at me, “And whose asking?”

“Her escort to the assassins council.” I said without hesitation to appear like I wasn’t lying.

The other man gave me smile and said, “Just take a left, then take a right, go straight for two blocks  then take another left and walk past the lake and you should be there.”

“Thanks.” I said while hurrying towards the Uchiha Compound.

Although this girl didn’t expect me coming, I didn’t want to have to make her wait for my arrival because no matter what I didn’t like to make people wait.

~Nara~

I woke up still in the tub and looked at the wall to check my bathroom clock and scrambled to get out of the tub when I realized I’ve been in there for almost a whole hour. I drained the tub and went to brush my teeth and comb my hair, with different brushes of course, until I heard a loud thumping noise right outside my bathroom door. I carefully peeked out my bathroom door and there I saw a man with red hair much lighter and longer than Gaara’s and gorgeous chocolate brown eyes.

“Wait what? Gorgeous?! This mother mofo here and breaking into my house and all I can think about is his gorgeous eyes?!” I thought while slowly backing away from the door falling into my tub causing a loud thumping noise to echo around my room.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!” I thought panicking.

I grabbed something hard to hit him with for when he came into the room, which was the vase that Sakura gave me for Christmas, I hated it anyway…she knows Uchiha’s hate pink. He opened the door and I bashed him upside his head with the vase and it shattered into a thousand pieces.

“Well, that’s one problem solved.” I thought happily.

But what got me was how he wasn’t bleeding; that couldn’t be a good sign. He looked directly at me with the blankest stare ever and he said,

“I’m sorry, but was that suppose to...I don’t know, hurt me in some way shape or form?” he said uncaringly.

“What the hell are you doing in my house you asswhole?!” I screamed at him.

“I’m here for you…what do I look like I’m here for…to borrow some sugar?” He said once again uncaringly.

“JUST GET OUT!” I said shoving him.

“Look you…I’d love to get the hell out of here and work on my puppets but I’m here on strict orders to retrieve you.”

“Don’t call me ‘you’ I have a name ya know!”

“It’s probably Stupid Bitch.”

“Asshole!”

“Slut.”

“You’re such a big Dick!”

“Thank you. It’s very big thank you. Maybe one day I’ll make you take it.”

“Wait what?!!” I exclaimed.

Before I could figure out what he meant he hauled me over his shoulder and was jumping out the window with me.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I NEVER AGREED TO COME WITH YOU! AND I’M FUCKING NAKED!!!!!” I yell at him…my face turning all different shades of red.

“Maybe you should use your bedroom voice. Then no one would notice your nudity.” He mumbled.

“BEDROOM VOICE?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!” I tried beating on his back until he dropped me…but his back was all hard so I ended up hurting my hand.

After yelling at him I felt a sharp pain going into one of my still open wounds and I suddenly couldn’t move. My eyes slowly started closing on me and the only thing I heard was someone say, “Ahh so much better.”