baby doll // narry

chapter fourteen. ➸ decisions.

THE TOMLINSON'S ARE TRYING TO END ME

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❝ chapter fourteen. ➸ decisions. ❞

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The clock struck two.

A single ceiling lamp was lit in the kitchen as I stood infront of the counter. Darkness surrounded me, encouraging my only desire at the moment. It overtook my senses. I was lost. I couldn't think straight. Depression invaded my mind and clouded all rational thoughts.

I glanced at my hand as I reached out. I never realised I was this pale. My fingers began to tremble faster as they neared the knife. I pulled the sharp object out of its wooden block, and I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I had never looked this way. I clasped the hilt tight between my damp palms as I shut my eyes tight, struggling to block out any second thoughts.

Every agony, every pain would vanish after this, I thought, You can do it, Ni. You'll be with dad.

Tears wetted my cheeks as they poured out uncontrollably. A wild haze inhabited my mind. My eyes only shot open when I felt the sharp tip through the material of my sweater一it touched my stomach. I stopped, holding it there. This is real.

This pain will only be temporary, it'll be gone in a flash along with everything else, I heard a voice tell me in encouragement. I felt a hard lump in my throat.

"Niall?" Another shot of reality, "What the hell are you doing?" The voice was louder now.

The knife was snatched out of my hands and I saw it slide across the tiles of the kitchen floor. Then I felt my arms being gripped. I was spun around to face Harry. I saw two of him. I really couldn't process what was happening but I felt safe.

My vision became more blurry with every second that passed and the pain I felt on my head had become excruciating, "Ni," I heard my name many times but Harry's voice grew smaller every time he called it out.

My knees suddenly felt weak. I was no longer able to support myself, and I gave up completely. But I didn't fall. Instead, I found myself being lifted.

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The slight burn I felt at my lids made me realise it was no longer night even before I opened my eyes. I'd been out for quite a while. What happened? I kept asking myself.

My hands clenched, pulling the sheets beneath me. An unlit chandelier hung above me and a strong smell of cologne floated about. This was not my room.

I sat up quickly and my head pounded with the action. I was reminded of Richard hitting me. I felt over my head and noticed that a bandage had been wrapped around it. The headache was gone and the pain lessened.

When the haze in my mind cleared completely, I realised that I was in Harry's room. Then I remembered what I'd attempted to do last night. I shuddered with the thought that I was actually going to go through with it.

Not only was it a completely irrational thing to do, it was also selfish. I wasn't thinking about the consequences. I ignored the fact I'd drive my family into if I went through with killing myself.

I just felt trapped, lost and alone. I was in a chess game where I knew I would lose no matter how many moves I played, and for a moment I just wanted to quit. I wanted to give up.

The door was left ajar and Mrs. Briffen pushed it open with a knee as she entered with a food tray. She sat on the foot of the bed, placing the tray beside me, "How are you feeling, dear? You got us very worried last night,"