A Window To Everywhere

0.03

A few nights after the airplane flight, I lie in bed with wide eyes and no signs of sleep present. I had become quite the nervous flyer travelling back to Australia. The flight was spent with my insides in turmoil, as I passed through security and boarded onto the plane, I had sat there thinking something terrible would happen. As horrid as the plane crashing or someone dying. Although as expected, the plane ride was a safe and uneventful flight. Nothing out of the ordinary did happen, but I had spent the 6 hours thinking that he would appear. That I would see that boy on the plane and he would harm someone or at the very least, hurt me.

I couldn't get him out of my head and my thoughts. Thinking about him had swallowed me in fear; I was barely myself on the ride. I hardly talked to Piper and Laurel as I tried to engage in activities to forget and move my focus. I tried to draw which lead me to repeatedly draw the china plate and its inscriptions. I watched a movie but didn't pay attention and instead thought about how something could happen. I couldn't hold a conversation so I just sat still and eventually out of exhaustion, I fell asleep.

Since coming back from Fiji, I haven't been able to sleep properly. At first I thought it was just simply jet lag and the different time zones having an affect on me. I had talked to Piper and Laurel who had both said that sleeping wasn't that big of a problem. Much like the plane ride, I spent the last three nights without sleep and thinking about the boy from Fiji. At times on the brink of sleep I would abruptly turn and shuffle, backing up against the board of my bed and heavily breathing as I imagined scenarios of the boy in front of my bed or door, knife ready to harm.

I turned around to read the clock. 6.46. I groaned and buried my face into the pillow. I was hoping for it to be nine or ten o'clock so it would be reasonable to get up. I got up anyways, as I doubted I would have gotten any more sleep. Piper and her mum, Mrs. Jamerson are coming over today as a checkup, since Dad was on a business trip and Valerie is living independently. With over 5 hours to kill I decided to do some arbitrary cleaning as a nice way of welcoming the Jamersons and Dad back.

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The doorbell chimed around noon, revealing Piper with a plate of freshly baked brownies in her hand. In her other hand was her phone which hovered by her ear as the spoke to her mother.

"Yes...yeah okay Mum I'll let her know. Bye," She said and were the only words I managed to hear.

"So Mum wanted to let you know that she'll...." She began but with one look at me she fumbles, nearly dropping the plate.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. It's just that have you looked at yourself today? Are you okay?"

"What do you mean? I'm fine," I said as I touched my face and knotted hair.

Turning around to look into the hallway mirror, I was shocked to see my own appearance. Looking back at me was a girl with sunken eyes accompanied with dark shadows, the irises dulled and much less vibrant. My dark hair was mess of knotty curls which looked like it hadn't been brushed in days. My clothes were crumpled and the collar of my shirt had orange coloured stain from last nights' dinner. Did I brush my teeth today? When was the last time I showered? Do I even have to brush my hair? Did I eat breakfast?

I don't know. I don't remember.

That night Piper stayed over probably after sensing my distress and confusion. Once she had helped me clean and freshen up myself, we tackled the mess of my home. The place was just as bad if not worse, proving my early morning attempts to have failed. I guess it had to have been from jet lag and fatigue. Piper even went back to her house to pick up a casserole since her mum had to work a shift.

The best part was that she didn't pry, even though she noticed my mood had been unusually sombre. In fact, I was glad that Piper and Laurel had both let me be for the past few weeks. Whatever I'm going through, I needed to figure it out for myself first.

When Piper came back, we enjoyed the beef casserole after she whipped up some couscous. We then had a mini Friends marathon as it was one of the rare few TV series we agreed on. Long after Piper fell asleep I googled my problems as Friends quietly played in the background. This was probably my worst decision because I ended up scaring myself with the results: mental health, delusional, psychosis, hallucinations. The internet opened me to thinking that the guy could be figment of my imagination which was both a relief and utterly terrifying.

"No way." I uttered to myself. It couldn't have been simply my imagination for boy was too real, too strange to be fake. There were too many details I was able to see and I even had the china plate. I hadn't imagined him but I knew was having some other problems and a lack in focusing. At the very least, I wanted to talk to someone so that I could understand what was happening. So that evening I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist for the following day.